


You're the breath I'm always waiting for...

by MakeBelieveLove



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 47,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28507587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakeBelieveLove/pseuds/MakeBelieveLove
Summary: When people realize too late that they're in love with someone - how far will they go to make it right?  Noah understands he'll tear his life apart and start again to be with Dan.
Relationships: Dan Levy & Noah Reid, Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 11
Kudos: 32





	You're the breath I'm always waiting for...

**Author's Note:**

> (1/22/21 a few additions and tweaks) The off-screen relationship between these two men is just as lovely at the characters they play. A lot of sexual discovery because sometimes that's the most exciting in a new relationship. And again .. it's long.

**_“Cut. Final wrap for Patrick and David - Schitt’s Creek”_ **

Noah feels it in the pit of his stomach when Dan comes through the curtain. Nervousness, loss, sadness, it’s a storm rolling inside him with no end. Everyone knows what today means for Dan and now it means the same for all of them. Emotions feel like fire today but Noah feels overwhelmed with loss. Watching Dan come down the aisle his heart raced and he blinked back tears, he’s never wanted more in his life to hold someone and feel their arms around him. Noah knows at that moment what he feels for Dan is like nothing he’s known before and he will do whatever it takes to protect and keep that.

Dan has very little time to himself so they spend most of their down time on the set relaxing together, laughing about the movies the other hasn’t seen, their varied and different tastes in music, the ups and downs of what they both love doing, and more recently what will happen after Schitt’s. Eugene had joked that they were _‘long lost now found’_. 

They stand looking directly at each other, and Noah’s voice breaks as he says his vows with honesty, thinking ‘how the fuck am I going to sing looking at this beautiful face’.

‘Patrick and David’ walk down the aisle as husbands and move through the curtain where Dan had originally entered. Noah and Dan stand there, away from the cast and crew to feel the moment and take a breath. Their bodies come together in a hug like magnets unable to stop even if they tried. Watching them, Annie turns back through the curtain hovering there, making excuses to the cast and crew to give them a moment. She noticed subtle things months ago and wondered if they’d talked about it. It made her a bit sad at how very hard both of them had tried not to go too far. 

She’d approached Noah about it once, midway during filming the last season. _“When we’re done here, Noah ...are you sure about where you’re headed?”_

 _“I’m headed for a long rest,”_ Noah had laughed.

 _“I mean more ...personally. Are you sure about things?”_ Annie pressed him a bit.

Noah bit his lip and glanced at Dan _“I’m trying to be,”_ he says low.

Annie leaned in so only he would hear, _“You have a choice ..it’s not too-”_

 _“I’m good, really ...just a lot of final season stuff,”_ Noah cut her off. He looked at her for a minute, then down to his lap, _“Thanks Annie ...but, I just can’t do this right now.”_ He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and headed off toward the trailers. She never mentioned it to Noah again. In the remaining weeks of filming she watched them struggle, Noah losing his temper at the slightest thing, then lowering his head, reaching for Dan to apologize. 

After a difficult day of filming with Noah, Dan had once fallen to the couch next to her, frustrated. _“I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with him ...he’s never like this.”_

Annie sat back and looked at him. _“Dan, I think you know exactly what’s wrong with him. And you’re right, he’s never been like this.”_ She smacked him on the arm and left him sitting, open mouthed, on the couch. That was the last she talked to either of them about it, and she could see by watching them now, they had never talked about it either.

Noah holds on to Dan tightly so as not to slip beneath the surface of the urge inside him and Dan wraps his arms around him with the same desperate feeling, pulling him in. Without a thought Noah softly kisses the curve of Dan’s neck and breathes in his scent till his head swims and knows he’ll always remember it. Dan leans into him, _“Noah…”_

Embarrassed as he pulls away, Noah says, _“One goodbye for Patrick."_ Dan’s eyes are dark and gentle on him as they smile wide and happily at each other, tears fall to their cheeks. Noah looks at the four gold bands on Dan’s fingers and laughs a little. _“Will you keep them? As a write off?”_

 _“Noah Reid, you will be the death of me,"_ sighs Dan. “Yes, _I think one of them will always be with me. Noah?’_

Noah holds his eyes, _“Yes?”_

Dan looks at him and Noah isn’t sure what he sees in his eyes. _“Just ...this has been the best part of my life. Thank you.”_ Noah can tell Dan is nervous when he backs away a little.. God, did I go too far ...did I make him uncomfortable? I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me so yes, he’s probably very uncomfortable.

Annie pops her head in, _“Celebration time!”_ and the cast and crew gather around hugging, kissing cheeks, crying. Noah is glad to be able to disappear into the emotions of everyone else.

After a short hiatus the crew tapes the final S.C. scene outside the motel, saying goodbye to everyone. The final ‘cut’ at the motel feels less intimate than the wedding and Noah is glad for that. His heartache blends in with all that the cast and crew feels and he doesn’t have to think about it, doesn’t have to think about why it lingers. He’s dissected in his mind what he feels for Dan over and over during their break, trying to put it into a category, and he’s spent time with Clare hoping to relax back into the ease of her warmth and love. 

Noah and Dan keep in touch, talking about his album, and the Up Close and Personal tour coming soon. They talk through how they will handle ‘Patrick and David’ on stage. Dan thinks their relationship will be the heart of the show and doesn’t want it to overshadow everyone else. Noah smiles at how concerned he always is with everyone, wanting them to feel equally important in what Schitt’s had become. _“So, Noah ...I thought I’d place us a few chairs apart on stage. Sit the Rose Family together and…”_

 _“Dan, you know what you’re doing with the legacy of Schitt’s, I’m fine. It will be perfect."_ Noah says, hearing the hesitation in Dan’s voice.

At every show, when Noah walks on to the stage and takes his seat, he is thankful Dan thought it would be best for them to be a bit separated. And at every show, when he sings ‘Simply the Best’, he forces himself not to look at Dan. 

Dan calls to say ‘Happy Birthday’ and congratulations on the album ..and that it’s beautiful. They’ve been talking for a while when Noah says, _“The wedding ...in July ...if you can make it."_

 _“I would love to, Noah. I’m glad you’re happy,"_ Dan says quietly.

 _“Daniel…”_ Noah trails off unsure of what he wants to say.

_“Yes?” Dan waits._

_“I’m glad we met,”_ Noah says softly.

_“Me too, Noah.”_

**Another Wedding**

Noah sees him standing near the back of the reception area and remembers the scent of him clearly as if it was yesterday when he’d pressed a kiss into his neck saying goodbye. He feels the same racing heart and nervousness in his stomach as when he saw Dan walking toward him that day. Dan lingers in the back, trying not to pull attention away from Noah and Clare as he knows his being here might. Dan’s vanity doesn’t go so far as letting him think he will cause a stir, but he knows how proud all of Noah’s family and friends are of what they’d made together during Schitt’s and he doesn’t want that to overshadow this night.

Their eyes meet and their smiles are slow and warm, Noah feels the heat weave through his body. Making his way toward Dan is automatic and Noah never takes his eyes off of his as he moves through the small crowd. Not hearing from Dan today had made Noah hope he might come, but knowing what chaos his schedule must be right now he hadn’t really expected it. They move naturally together, into an embrace that wraps around both their bodies. 

_“You came,"_ Noah says breathless.

 _“I had to. This is ‘not nothing’ Noah Reid,"_ Dan says with teary eyes.

 _“Tears? No, Dan Levy, that will definitely cause bags under your eyes. I’m so happy you’re here,”_ Noah says, wiping away his own tears, they hug again and Noah holds him tightly. A moment passes and Noah feels Clare’s touch on his arm, she smiles at him then reaches up to hug Dan.

**Dancing**

Noah and Clare drag Dan onto the dance floor with them song after song. The three of them wrap their arms around each other in the slow songs and dare each other into ridiculous moves on the fast songs. As exhaustion sets in, they’re thankful for a slow song and they sway closely, holding on to each other, laughing together. Someone cuts in asking Clare for a ‘dance with the bride’ and she hesitantly looks from Noah to Dan before moving away across the dance floor. Noah and Dan smile at her as she’s lost to another partner and continue to sway to the song with no thought that it’s just the two of them now. 

Their quiet laughter and conversation flows easily in the same way Noah’s hand moves to Dan’s waist without a thought. Their bodies aren’t touching but there is a subtle electricity between them that seems to hold them together. There is no one in this moment except each other.

 _“Well, Noah, I can see since Schitt’s ended dance lessons is not something you’ve taken up,"_ Dan says, smiling sarcastically. 

Noah fakes huge hurtful eyes, _“How can you not be impressed with my near perfect John Travolta Saturday Night Fever rendition?”_ Dan tosses his head back laughing at the reference to one of their late night conversations after filming, when Dan was horrified to learn Saturday Night Fever was the only movie they could come up with that both of them had seen. He’d sworn Noah to secrecy that either of them had ever seen it. Noah watches the curve of his neck, knowing it will feel soft and warm if he places his lips there.

 _“Yes, the arm role was ‘interesting’ but taking it above your head was really over the top,"_ Dan says looking into Noah’s eyes, realizing how much he’s missed him. 

_“I’ve missed your misplaced wit. I’ve missed you, Daniel."_ Noah calls him by his full name when he’s serious, Dan knows this. He’d figured it out on set when their conversations turned to things they’re passionate about. Dan has always thought it sounded so intimate, to hear Noah call him ‘Daniel’. He understands Noah wants him to know how much having him here means and he simply nods his head. They know what they have between them was not made from or contained in the show.

Across the room, Noah’s mom had watched the three of them most of the evening. She is happy for the ease between them and the calmness in Noah. He had seemed anxious in the months leading up to the wedding, actually mentioning to her over lunch one day that maybe they should postpone it and she’d wondered if there were problems between him and Clare. She’d never really known if Clare felt uncomfortable with Noah’s role on the show, the intimate scenes with Dan. Clare had never brought it up so neither had she. She had only visited the set of the show once at Noah’s invitation. During the final season, Noah had wanted her to meet the people who had become such a part of his life and a defining point in his career, she knew the warmth she felt from everyone was genuine. But, there was something deeper between Dan and Noah when they talked about working together, when they looked at each other. She had never forgotten, or been able to understand, the sadness she felt when watching them. 

Watching the three of them now, she feels rather than Clare and Noah bringing Dan into their circle it is somehow the other way around. It feels oddly like Noah and Dan are trying to welcome her into their relationship. Then Clare is pulled away for a dance and it’s just Noah and Dan. They smile at each other, swaying softly, as if they are the only ones in the room, Noah’s hand on Dan’s waist and Dan’s hand touching his shoulder. And she feels it again, the overwhelming sadness looking at her son, and she knows. She is a mother looking at the face of her son, on which she’s seen every imaginable expression, and knows she is seeing love in its very purest form. Finally, she understands the sadness she’d felt. Her son is deeply in love without any knowledge of it. 

_“Why did you book a morning flight? You’re really not civil before lunch and I’m pretty sure you’re going to have a hangover,"_ laughs Noah. _“Stay here tonight."_ Then he says softly, _“It would be nice to see you tomorrow, Daniel."_

Dan wavers for a split second, smiling at the honesty in Noah’s face. He knows the sentiment comes from his heart and he loves Noah for keeping him in his life. _“Meetings for the new show begin tomorrow afternoon with or without me and you know very well without me would be a tragedy I can not force on the group,”_ he laughs. 

Noah looks as serious as possible. _“I only hope the new crew can fully appreciate what you’re doing for them.”_

Their smiles break at the same time and they fall quiet, the moment becoming more serious. They stand at the back of the reception area, both men seem to be moving further into the edge of the shadows searching for privacy. Dan’s time at the wedding reception is at an end and Noah’s will go on far into the night. Dan had said goodbye to Noah’s mom and wasn’t surprised at the tears in her eyes when they pulled out of their hug. He imagined marrying off your only son would be emotional. Dan had also hugged Clare goodbye and felt strangely envious of her. Was he actually envious of the love he knew Noah felt for her? He couldn't explain it but he was glad to be leaving her.

 _“Ok, if you insist on leaving then I’ll walk you out to your car. Are you sure you’re able to drive?”_ Noah asks, looking for any reason to keep him for the night. He feels the ache in his chest and knows somehow when Dan leaves it will spread. 

_“Yes, Noah. I’m fine to drive. I switched to water hours ago when you were asking the bartender for a shot of his best whiskey!”_ Dan’s smile moves across his face and into his eyes. 

They walk slowly out into the night to Dan’s car, laughing quietly at how nice the evening had been, neither of them seem to want to say goodbye. Finding the car is easy but locating the keys in the myriad of pockets in Dan’s jacket and pants is a bit more difficult. As Dan pats his pants pockets Noah gently reaches his hand inside the jacket breast pocket and pulls out the keys. Feeling the warmth of Dan’s chest he draws his breath in slightly. His mind goes immediately back to the moment after the wedding scene and the smell of Dan as they’d held each other.

Instinctively, Noah brings Dan in for a hug and holds him as he had that day. Once again, their arms wrap around each other and Noah feels desperate. And just as he had on that day, he turns his face and kisses Dan softly in the curve of his neck. He feels Dan’s pulse race a bit as he holds his lips there, both of them knowing this has nothing to do with Patrick and everything to do with Noah, his own heartbeat quickens.

Pulling away slightly, Noah holds himself for the briefest moment knowing if he turns his head he will find Dan’s lips. In that moment, as he hesitates, he realizes it isn’t a decision he has any control over. Noah turns his head and moves his lips against Dan’s jaw, the feel of his stubble makes him hard, he places his hand on Dan’s cheek as his lips softly meet Dan’s and moves across them, silently asking for permission. Dan remains completely still. Noah softly kisses him then pulls away long enough to let Dan see the need in his eyes.

 _“Daniel…”_ Noah cups the back of Dan’s neck and pulls them together, there is no more stillness, only instinct. The kiss is slow and hungry with a need neither of them try to hold back. Dan’s lips part and Noah drives his tongue in with an intensity that catches them both off guard. He gently presses Dan against the car and lays the length of his body against him, leaning fully into the heat between them. He can’t stop the frenzy of desire he feels as he pulls Dan’s hips to him. His hands roam Dan’s body finding intimate places with a need to bring them closer than physically possible. He moves over and over into Dan’s mouth, drowning in his thirst for him and the feel of Dan taking him in each time. 

Dan is lost in so many ways he can’t think, swept up in the feel of Noah’s tongue, his hands, the hardness of him against his thigh. He wonders briefly if Noah is drunk but knows his drinks had also stopped hours earlier in the night. Dan knows more than anything they are both sober, and he’s thought about this for longer than he will ever admit. 

A low moan comes from deep within Noah, _“Daniel, don’t go…”_ and he bites at Dan’s lower lip before pulling away to look at him. His breath is ragged and his eyes look wild with confusion and desire in a dangerous mix. His eyes never leave Dan’s as he slowly moves his hand down Dan’s chest stopping at his belt, Noah looks for any sign from Dan that this isn’t what he wants. He slowly moves his hand further down to the front of Dan’s pants, feeling the hardness of him through the material. Noah is breathless as he stills his hand, looking silently at Dan for permission. Dan’s breath catches and he moves his hands under Noah’s jacket to his back. The only sound in the night is their ragged breathing as Noah moves his hand up and down on Dan and they hold each other’s eyes.

To look away would make this moment seem like a mistake to be embarrassed about, and more than anything, they both know this is not a mistake. Noah strokes Dan gently, watching him, until he knows it will be too late for either of them if he goes any further. He gradually moves his hand back up to Dan’s hip and finally to his chest where he holds it to feel his racing heart, Noah needs to know that Dan is as nervous as him. He runs his thumb across Dan’s lower lip and feels the shudder run through both of them, kissing him gently. Finally, Noah drops his hands to his side and they stand facing each other still close enough to feel their breath coming heavily.

Noah steps back, never looking away from Dan’s eyes. He had not intended that to happen but he does not feel ashamed. Noah wants him to know it means something even if he can’t explain it, it is not a mistake. His voice is shaking, as he rambles, _“Daniel, I’m sorry ...if I made you uncomfortable. I don’t know ... I should have asked before touching you. I’m ...feelings were rushing ...God, I can’t get you out of my head ..I should have asked."_ Noah wipes away tears, _“I’m sorry-.”_

Before Noah can look away, Dan holds his face, _“Don’t ever apologize to me for feeling something you can’t explain or control, I know what that feels like. I will always help you through whatever you need. I was ‘part’ of what just happened and I’m not sorry for it. You didn’t force anything on me.. I met you willingly, Noah."_

Without another word, Dan is in his car and pulling out of the parking lot. He knows there is nothing more to say tonight that will ease what Noah feels. Whatever the hell had just happened between them, he wants Noah to be able to lock it away as something between two people who felt safe enough together to let it happen. More than anything, he wants Noah to feel safe.

Noah stands in the dark feeling lost and confused but mostly empty. What has he done? He doesn’t regret it which makes him feel worse, really. But mostly, he wonders if it will cost him his best friend because right now his heart aches to hold him again. He finally shakes himself off and walks back inside to the music and lights. His face is flushed and his eyes are glazed with the look of a drunk. This is supposed to be the happiest night of his life yet his chest aches to the point of breaking.

From across the room his mother sees him enter. She’d seen him walking Dan out and watched anxiously as the time passed. Looking at Noah she recognizes the sadness that fills him. She moves to him and brings her arms around him for what would look like the mother of the groom simply sharing a moment with her son. Noah melts into her and the music drowns out the cry that comes from him into her shoulder. When he raises his head to look at her there are no words needed for what they both seem to know. Love isn’t always easy to spot but losing it certainly is.

**Three Weeks Post Reception**

Noah paces the house, it’s something he does a lot in the three weeks since the reception and Clare has noticed. _“Babe, filming Schitt’s was a big part of your life the last three years and I’m sure seeing Dan again brought it all back. It’s normal that you feel misplaced,"_ she’d said. She is warm and patient and Noah loves her. Noah knew he loved her, that was never in question. What he had questioned since their reception is why he can't get the feel of Dan’s mouth out of his mind. He’d played that moment over and over in his head to ensure he didn’t forget the feeling of it. Noah grabbed his phone and headed out the door knowing he needed to call Dan and clear the air.

Hearing the ringing he wonders if he’s making a mistake. Dan had been the perfect friend that night and Noah had crossed a line. A line he didn’t even know existed between them. In three years of filming together they had been there for each other without the need to question or explain, they’d been connected by respect, laughter, honesty and trust. They’d known each other all their lives without ever having met. 

Hearing the ringing he wonders if Dan sees his number and has decided not to pick up. Oh God, he should hang up? He knows if he ends up leaving a message it will be rambling and ridiculous. And embarrassing. 

_“Hi, Noah,"_ Dan says, his voice soft.

 _“Hi, Daniel,"_ Noah replies, hearing his voice crack. _“I don’t know what to say other than I don’t want to lose your friendship. I crossed a line that night, and I’m sorry."_ There’s so much silence on the phone that Noah wonders if their call is still connected. He waits.

Finally, Dan says just above a whisper, _“Noah, nothing will change what we have. Ever. If lines were crossed that night then we stepped over them together. It doesn’t have to change our friendship in any way.”_

Noah is near tears when he speaks, _“I would never do anything to disrespect you, Daniel. What we have means more to me than I can ever make you believe and I want to protect that.”_

 _“I’m always here, Noah, whatever you need from me, you have it,"_ Dan says knowing he’s leaving an open door that will always be there. 

Their conversation stumbles along eventually about schedules, projects, songs, all the things they shared with each other before that night. They both know it feels tense, it will take time to find their way back, before what they shared that night.

**Months of Texts**

**August - New Song Jitters text**

**11:00 am Toronto** Hey, DL - happy birthday! Are you working??

 **8:01 am L.A.** Yes, Reid - you should try it.

 **Toronto** I’m sorry, did you just completely skip over the happy birthday part?

 **L.A.** Noah, not every birthday has to be a pony & cotton candy event

 **Toronto** Ahhh… so you DO want a pony. I thought so.

 **L.A.** Back to your question. Yes, I’m working.

 **Toronto** Well, DL as it happens, so am I . New song wondered if you’d try it out?

 **L.A.** Is it a birthday song?

 **Toronto** Do you want a birthday song? I can make that happen.

 **L.A.** Send me the song, Noah. And for God’s sake never cut your hair again. Have you seen the hotness coming your way on social media? Who knew?

 **Toronto** And yet People Mag still called you ...‘Sexiest Man Alive’. Song sent.

 **1:05 pm L.A.** Noah?

 **4:06 pm Toronto** Here

 **L.A.** Beautiful

 **Toronto** TY. I felt it but wondered if anyone else would.

 **L.A.** Everyone will. 

**Toronto** Dan?

 **L.A.** Yes?

 **Toronto** Feel like talking later tonight?

 **L.A.** We can talk whenever you want

Noah catches the reference to the first night Patrick and David kissed and warmth spreads through him as he lays down this phone. He couldn’t tell Dan he’d waited to send the song purposely on his birthday. It was intimate and Noah had written it for lovers. Their friendship had found a new place between them and it seemed softer than before, like something made more precious by almost losing it. Noah would not risk that again. 

It made him sad to think of Dan alone on his birthday. His mind wandered to the feel of Dan’s mouth and his body, the warmth in Noah moved to a burn in the pit of his stomach. He felt the ache of his erection and moved his hand into his pants. He thought about Clare as he jerked himself, when he finally came it was Dan in his head. Thoughts of Dan’s mouth and the firmness of his body stayed with him as his orgasm slowed. Noah lay there listening to his ragged breath and wondered if he would ever stop thinking about that night. And he wondered if Dan ever thought about it.

  
  


**September - Is this Really My Show text.**

**Midnight in L.A. 3:00 am in Toronto**

Noah is woken by the ding on his phone. He stumbles to the bathroom taking his phone off the charger and closing the door so he doesn’t wake Clare. He sees the text notification and knows it’s Dan even before he sees DL on the screen, and quietly he takes his phone into the living room in case Dan needs to talk. He anticipated this as Dan’s show hit full production and he wants to be there for him. It’s only midnight in L.A. and he knows Dan can’t sleep, he knows Dan doesn’t sleep well most nights when he’s writing.

 **Toronto** Here

 **L.A.** I’m sorry. I know it’s late

 **Toronto** Not really. I’d be getting up in three hours anyway to run.

 **L.A.** Seriously?? Why would you run? Are there donuts at the end? 

**Toronto** Nope just getting in shape from all the donuts I ran to before

 **L.A.** Noah, I hope you don’t have body issues because I can’t deal with yours and mine

 **Toronto** Funny. You are a handsome man DL. ALL the magazines say so.

 **L.A.** I feel I’m expected to disagree but am finding that hard to do

 **Toronto** Everything ok?

Noah gives him time. He feels like that’s something people never give Dan. Time. People continually ask Dan for it but never want to give it.

 **L.A.** Just not sure I’m on the right path for the show.

 **Toronto** Does the path have to be concrete right now? Couldn’t it be a gravel path? Or dirt? Those are all easily changed as your ideas grow and change.

 **L.A.** My God, Noah. Did you just use landscaping references in an effort to calm me?

 **Toronto** Maybe. Did it work?

 **L.A.** Maybe. I’ll put my concrete aside for a few days - wander with no path and see what happens. Thank you.

 **Toronto** You’re welcome. Any time.

 **L.A.** Goodnight, Noah

 **Toronto** Goodnight, Dan

 **Toronto** Dan?

 **L.A.** Yes?

 **Toronto** I mean it. Any time.

 **L.A.** I know

Noah stretches out on the couch thinking about Dan in L.A. He knows Dan believes in himself but also knows stepping outside the accepting world of Schitt’s creates a lot of anxiety for him. Putting yourself and your vision out there is the hardest thing to do. Drifting off to sleep, Noah thinks about the brilliance he sees in Dan that he hopes others see as well, and he thinks about the feel of their kiss. That kiss is the last thing on his mind as he falls asleep on the couch with the stirring of an erection, and Noah is ok with both of those. 

**October - Happy Thanksgiving text**

**1:00 pm Toronto** Dan?

 **10:00 am L.A.** Yes

 **Toronto** Happy Thanksgiving!

 **L.A.** And to you!

 **Toronto** Will you celebrate?

 **L.A.** (picture of a cornucopia on a dining room table)

 **Toronto** Very festive DL! Hey ..feel like talking later?

 **L.A.** Yes but it’s not a paid holiday for me so after 5:00 please. 

**Toronto** Harsh labor rules call you at 5:01

Noah doesn’t want to ask Dan if he misses his traditional Thanksgiving at home. He knows Dan is trying very hard to build a life in L.A. It’s where he has to be. Noah realizes he’s also trying very hard to stay in his life in Toronto, where he and Clare need to be. They talk long into the evening about everything and nothing. It’s perfectly what they both need.

**November - Fuck it’s Hot Here text**

**10:00 am** **L.A.** Noah?

 **1:01 pm Toronto** Here

 **L.A.** It’s fucking 77 degrees here

 **Toronto** Are you having difficulty layering your sweaters?

 **L.A.** Noah, you are an asshole

 **Toronto** At your service

Noah’s face is immediately red. God, why had he sent that!

 **L.A.** Hmmm… overthinking that a little now?

 **Toronto** Maybe. Sorry?

 **L.A.** Not at all

 **Toronto** So what will you do today with 77 degrees in November?

 **L.A.** Work

 **Toronto** Dan - it’s Sunday

 **L.A.** And?

 **Toronto** Are you having trouble making friends?

 **L.A.** At a certain age they’re overrated and exhausting. Well, maybe not you.

 **Toronto** Thank you

 **L.A.** Noah ...talk tonight?

 **Toronto** We can talk whenever you want

Noah spends the rest of the day working on music, knowing he’s looking far too forward to hearing Dan’s voice later tonight. Four fucking months and he still feels a burn in his stomach when he thinks about touching Dan. He watches Clare in the kitchen, thinking about what a good relationship they have, everything he wants, yet he still feels the same storm inside as he did the day of the wedding scene, rolling endlessly.

**December - Christmas text**

**1:30 pm L.A.** Noah?

 **4:31 pm Toronto** Here

 **L.A.** I’m coming home over Christmas. Just wondered if you wanted to get together?

Noah can feel his heart race just a bit faster, it will be the first time they’ve seen each other since that night. Is he nervous at the idea of seeing him face to face? 

**Toronto** Definitely are you on a schedule with your family?

 **L.A.** Hello? You’ve met my family schedules are fluid.

 **Toronto** I do remember that call me when you arrive and we’ll figure it out

 **L.A.** See you in a few weeks.

 _“Hey Clare, that was Dan,"_ Noah calls out from the living room, _“He’ll be in town over Christmas and wants to catch up."_ He hears the pitch of his voice and realizes he is nervous. God, what’s wrong with him, he and Dan have worked beyond that night. They’ve come back to their friendship for each other. Haven’t they? Noah will not jeopardize that again. _“It will be good to see him."_

Clare comes to the doorway and looks at Noah with a small smile. _“Yeah ..I think that will be good for you, Noah."_ She lingers there and for a moment the look in her eyes makes him wonder if somehow she knows about the reception.

Noah had never told Clare what happened, he’d never told anyone. He couldn’t put something so private between him and Dan into words. He loved Clare, how could he begin to tell her about something that he couldn’t explain to himself. To simply say _“I kissed Dan”_ would be a lie because he knew his body and heart had done much more than that. He smiled up at her standing in the doorway feeling like he’d been here his entire life. Here was his comfort zone. And, he thought about that night so far out of his comfort zone and how it felt like something finally, softly, sliding into place. 

  
  


**Christmas - Noah’s Storm Arrives**

Noah is ridiculously nervous waiting at the bar for Dan. He arrived early and hoped a couple of drinks would take the edge off, allowing him to speak in full sentences. They’d decided to meet at a small bar centrally located between their houses, Noah had offered to have Dan at their house for dinner but they couldn’t seem to make that work. Dan had rambled about the difficulty of getting away from Levy Central for an entire evening and Noah was very ok with that. He felt if he actually had Dan in his house he’d never be able to get the scent of him out of his head. 

Clare had something with friends at the last minute and couldn’t come and Noah wondered if having her there might have made things easier, more clear. Or safer? He hopes time, distance, and public places are the answers to moving forward. 

He is at the far end of the bar and sees Dan enter. He starts to motion to him then holds still for a moment taking in the sight of him. The sight of him. It stirs Noah in a way he hadn’t expected and his body fills with heat. He wants to openly look at Dan for just a moment before he’ll have to guard his thoughts and words. Guard his looks and touch. Noah watches the strong line of Dan’s jaw and the curve of his neck where he’d kissed him. He knows the soft warmth he’d feel there and it makes him weak to look at him.

 _“Dan!”_ He holds his hand up and calls out over the sound of the bar. Dan sees him and for a split second Noah is sure he sees the same rawness in Dan’s eyes that he feels. ‘He’s beautiful’ Noah thinks. By the time Dan makes it to the stool next to him they’re both their old selves, exchanging a quick hug. Or maybe they are new guarded old selves he thinks.

Noah waves the bartender over and says firmly, _“It’s on me tonight."_

 _“I’m very appreciative of that, Reid,"_ Dan says, relaxing next to him.

Noah realizes he always feels a little weak looking at Dan, his eyes are a beautiful, warm brown and when he smiles they look golden. _“Well, you know, just in case your new show tanks and you end up broke,"_ he smiles innocently at him. 

Dan looks at his watch intently, _“Hmmm, I can see this will be a quick visit."_

They smile and with the clink of their glasses fall into the easy comfort of each other. An hour later they move to a half circle booth and slide in to the back of it, knowing they both need food before consuming anymore alcohol. 

Noah listens as Dan talks about his show, waving his hands around to make the points he isn’t sure he’s getting across verbally. He watches Dan’s hands as he rests them on his chin when he’s thinking about what he wants to tell Noah. Dan looks intently at him, asking about whether he is able to work on his music while also working on his latest film part. Noah hears the softness in Dan’s voice telling him how important he thinks his music is because of the subtle stories in every song that come from his heart. Noah can’t take his eyes off him.

Another hour and several drinks pass. Noah hears and sees all of Dan, but what he feels is his leg lightly touching Dan’s under the table. He imagines touching him more intimately and for a minute he’s afraid he won’t be able to stop himself from leaning in and kissing him. He cradles his drink close to his mouth as a distraction trying to clear his head, God, is he going crazy? He loves Clare, yet this man across from him makes him feel crazy with need. Noah’s never had a relationship with another man, no secret desires, and it scares him knowing this is something more. He had loved Clare almost instantly, he felt solid with her. But with Dan he feels grounded and out of control at the same time, his body feels full and alive, consumed. And he feels a desire that he is afraid he might never get enough of, if he gives in to it. He remembers the feel of Dan’s lips and before he can stop, tears fall down his cheeks. 

_“God, Noah, are you ok? What the hell is it? Tell me, it’s ok."_ Dan is speaking hurriedly but quietly trying not to draw attention. He is starting to freak out, _“Are you ill? Do you have cancer?”_

Noah laughs a little as he tries to wipe his face. Of course Dan would think he’s dying, he loves his dramatic approach to life. He can’t stop crying and it’s becoming noticeable to people near them, Dan slides around the booth and pulls him in. Noah knows it’s risky considering they both probably know people here tonight, he’s pretty sure it doesn’t look like two friends comforting each other. He feels Dan’s warm body and thinks ‘fuck it’. Noah slides his arms around Dan’s waist and moves into him, pressing his face into Dan’s shoulder, waiting for the scent of his body that he craves. And he cries. 

_“Come on, let’s get you out of here,”_ Dan grabs their jackets, throwing enough money on the table to know their waiter will smile. He takes Noah’s wrist pulling him through the bar and out the door to a secluded spot at the side of the building. They’re facing each other barely a few inches apart. _“Noah, you have to speak because I’m really freaking out now. Are you dying?”_

Noah shakes his head. _“Not dying.”_

 _“Ok then. We have time. We can wait till you’re ready but God, Noah, I need to know what’s going on with you,”_ Dan is trying to be patient, he’s never seen Noah like this. Noah is grounded, he is Dan’s rock-steady. This is definitely not rock-steady and it hurts Dan to see him this way. It has to be Clare. Is she dying? He walks them to his car so they can talk, or Noah can cry, whichever he needs, Dan will wait. Inside the warmth of the car they both sit quietly letting the silence calm them. And Dan waits.

Fifteen minutes passes with Noah’s head back against the headrest and his eyes closed. His breathing has evened out and Dan wonders if he’s fallen asleep when in a whisper, his eyes still closed, Noah says, _“I can’t stop thinking about that night."_ Dan waits, silent, he isn’t sure he heard exactly what Noah said.

Noah opens his eyes and looks directly at him. _“I can’t stop thinking about the feel of you, the feel of my mouth on yours. I can’t stop wanting you, Daniel."_

Dan is completely still, sure that Noah can hear how fast his heart is beating. He straightens and looks out the windshield knowing if he looks at Noah a second longer he’ll pull him in. And now Noah waits.

Finally Dan breathes out, _“Ok.”_ More silence. _“Noah, maybe if we talk about that night it would help. I think letting everything just hang out there unspoken might be making it feel bigger than it really was for you."_ Dan knows what it was for him, but he’ll do anything to prevent it from tearing Noah’s life apart. 

Noah is calm now, determined. _“Ok, let’s talk about it. I wasn’t drunk so don’t even go there. I wasn’t experimenting, I’d never do that to you. It wasn’t curiosity. I wasn’t caught up in a moment spilling over from Patrick and David, I let Patrick go when he married the man he loved. So you tell me, Daniel, why have I felt like since that night, I’m barely hanging on to the edge of a cliff? Why do I think about you almost every minute I’m awake? And, while we’re getting everything out in the open, let me be brutally honest. Why do I get hard thinking about your touch and imagine it’s your hand on me when I finally end up jerking myself off just so I can sleep?”_

Dan is quiet, he had definitely not expected this, and he honestly has no idea what to say to protect Noah from where he is headed. Not a day had passed since that night that he hadn’t thought about the feel of Noah, his need to taste him again. But as badly as Dan wants him, he wants to protect Noah more. Noah reaches across the car and takes his hand.

 _“Fuck, fuck, fuck,"_ Dan whispers as he feels the warmth. _“Noah, you love Clare. We might not know what ‘this’ is but we both know that. I will not let whatever this is, or might be, destroy your life. I know that sounds extreme, but I really think this, us, might destroy you."_

Noah is silent for a minute, wondering how to make Dan understand. _“Daniel, I know this scares you, you think I can’t want you, that I’m confused. But, you know this didn’t start at the wedding. Neither of us were blind to what was happening between us long before then, we both knew. That night I knew I was losing you and I was desperate not to let that happen. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to tell you, but what happened that night was pure and honest.”_ Noah’s voice drops to a whisper, _“I’m not spinning out of control here, I’m spinning toward you. I have been since the day we met.”_

Noah looks at him, breathes in slowly, determined he will not let this night end with anything unsaid. _“I have wanted you for so long, to touch you, feel you respond to me. I want to feel the heat inside me when I kiss you, to feel you part your lips and take me in. I want you in my life every day. I love Clare. I love her too much to stay with her when every part of me is with you. And I love her too much to make love to her closing my eyes so she won’t see you in them.”_ Noah’s breath is shallow, he’s well aware of the line he’s crossing and he intends to cross it fully, with no regrets. _“Daniel, I feel you in my heart ...you’re the breath I feel I’m always waiting for.”_

Dan can’t speak, can’t breathe. Every part of him is confused and on fire. How in hell had Noah gotten to this point without him seeing it? And how in fuck had he fallen in love with Noah?? 

_“Daniel, if you don’t feel this-_ “ Dan’s mouth takes the rest of Noah’s words. He’s rough and demanding and Noah parts his lips for more as his head swims. He leans in, offering every part of himself to Dan, the sound of their kiss makes him weak. Dan moves across his lips and inside his mouth over and over claiming what Noah wants him to know is already his. Noah desperately wants to touch him, to feel the erection he knows Dan has, but he’s afraid Dan will pull back and he doesn’t want this to stop.

He gently moves his hand to Dan’s zipper, unable to stop his moan when he feels the hardness of him through the material. Dan’s kiss slows and he pulls away to look at Noah. His voice is raspy, _“Noah, this kiss is something we can still walk back from."_

 _“Daniel...let me touch you,"_ Noah whispers, never taking his eyes off of Dan’s, and he knows there is nothing to say after that. Dan leans into him, there is no resistance when he unzips his pants and takes Dan’s throbbing cock into his hand. Noah stays like that, not moving, the feel of Dan, hard and warm in his hand makes him feel breathless. He rubs his thumb across the tip and hears Dan suck his breath in, smiling that he is the reason for that. Noah feels his pre-cum and moves his hand up and down slowly, spreading it down Dan to make him slick. Still watching Dan’s face. Noah’s never touched a man but he imagines the way he wants Dan to touch him and that’s what he gives, holding his composure, determined he will not come himself from the feel of holding Dan so intimately.

Dan leans back into the seat and his eyes close, Noah watches him. He wants to see Dan caught up in pleasure as he strokes slowly up and down, time stops and their breathing fills the car. His hips move into Noah’s hand and he’s never loved anything more than Dan’s face in this moment, giving himself to him. 

_“God, Noah…”_ Dan whispers as he begins to move his hand faster up and down his cock and he knows Dan is close to coming, Noah gently pushes his shirt up and out of the way. He stops his movement and Dan moans holding on tighter to him, _“Noah, fuck…."_ Noah wants this to last, he takes Dan to the edge again and holds him there. Finally, Noah presses his finger firmly to the spot at the base of Dan’s balls and whispers, _“Daniel …,"_ then moves his hand back to his cock and jerks hard. Dan comes with an abandonment that Noah wants to never forget. He holds Dan’s cock through the end of his orgasm, cum running through his fingers and onto Dan’s stomach, as he shudders against the car seat. Dan opens his eyes and they watch each other as Noah slowly, purposely, puts his fingers to his mouth to taste him, knowing he wants to feel Dan in his mouth. 

Dan hands him a cloth from the door pocket, surprised when Noah gently wipes him dry as well. Dan moves to adjust himself and fasten his pants, his breathing still shallow. They sit silently, lost in their thoughts and the intimacy between them. Noah lowers his head and smiles. 

Looking up at Dan, he says softly, _“Daniel, that ...touching you, watching you ...I’ve never felt like that. Giving yourself to me, I want that. I want to give you every part of myself and I know what that means for my life, I know what I’m doing."_ Noah pauses not really knowing what more to say, hoping Dan will understand what he means. 

Dan is shaken and thinks carefully, for Noah’s sake, before he speaks. _“Noah, you’re always like fire inside me. When I’m with you I feel like I don’t need to breathe because everything I need comes from you."_ Dan is silent for a minute. _“And because of that, before you give yourself to me, we need to take a step back. I want us to be able to think clearly, and I can not think clearly around you. Noah, I know when I touch you, I am never going to be able to let you go. You have a life that will not be easy to leave, and I need to give you every opportunity to stay in it."_

Noah watches him, _“Daniel, you want me to try and make my marriage work but whether you want me or not isn’t going to change that. And I think you do want me. I know this won’t be easy. It will be messy, and difficult, and it will tear apart everyone and everything we know. But pretending I don’t feel this will hurt them just as much.”_

Dan looks at him, knowing by the flush in Noah’s face that he’s aroused. He rubs his thumb against Noah’s wrist, _“God, ...I’ve wanted you for so long. But just now, what I felt in your touch will consume me if I have it only to have it taken away. And I’m afraid what you want will tear you apart as well if you eventually find that it’s too much. Noah, believe me when I say I would like nothing more right now than to put my mouth on you and look up at your face as you feel me for the first time."_ He can hear Noah’s breath catch and he has to look away. _“This, us, will not be easy and I just want you to have time and space to be sure, Noah. Please.”_

Noah breathes evenly, gathering his thoughts. He understands what this means for both of them, how much is at stake, the people they will hurt, and what Dan’s most afraid of. In their time together, Noah has heard about his past relationships, one night stands, what he thought was love and what he knew were mistakes. Just as Dan has heard all about his one love with Clare. Noah realizes if he can bring Dan to his knees with his touch, then when Dan finally takes him, he will be lost forever. He knows what Dan is trying to do and he’s willing to make the gesture he needs.

 _“One year, Daniel,"_ Noah says firmly.

 _“What? One year, what?”_ Dan asks, confused.

 _“One year completely apart for us to ‘know’. For both of us to breathe and get our lives cleaned up.”_ He looks at Dan, _“One year and we will either come for each other or we will move on and ‘this’ will no longer be something we have to figure out."_

Dan is stunned. He’s not sure a year was ever what he wanted but he believes it’s what Noah needs. He looks at Noah and slowly nods ‘yes’. 

Noah reaches over taking Dan’s hand bringing it to his mouth to kiss the inside of his wrist. _“The first time we kissed on set, I lay awake the rest of the night. I felt something that I knew wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for Patrick, but I felt it. I dialed your number that night and now I wonder what my life would be if I’d had the courage to tell you what I felt. You need to know that I will not lose that courage again."_ Noah wants Dan to know that a year will not change him. 

Noah gets out of the car and walks to his own, not looking back at Dan, wondering what he’s done. How in hell he is going to go a year without him when his body still burns from the feel of holding him. It’s late when he walks into the house and most of the lights are out. He knew Clare would be asleep and he’s glad for that. Hurting her will be the worst thing he’ll ever do in his life and he will not be so arrogant as to ask her for forgiveness. He is sure of that. He is sure he is an asshole. He is sure he is in love with Daniel Levy with an intensity that knows no limits. 

Noah closes the door to the front room and sits down at the piano. His hands drift lightly on the keyboard into Neverending December and he thinks about where those lyrics came from, and how far he’s willing to go. He knows tonight was only the first of many lines he will have to cross to be where he needs to be, he will tear apart everything in his life to find his way. What Noah didn’t know was Clare lay awake in bed knowing the storm brewing in Noah had found it’s landing that night, and their lives had shifted.

  
  


**January - 1 of 12**

It’s Sunday morning, the middle of January and Noah looks around the small room that his piano fills up so much of and he wonders if the windows will vibrate when he plays. His friends helped him move when he and Clare agreed she would be at her parent’s house. Noah had chosen a one year lease on purpose, he would give Dan and himself what they’d agreed to. One year but no longer. 

Of course his friends had questions and Noah knew he would be honest with anyone who asked. Beer and pizza is the standard fee for friend-moving and that night he supplied plenty of it and told them about Dan, about what he felt for him. And about what he wanted with him. 

They were silent while they processed what he said but Noah didn’t feel uncomfortable. These men had shared more of his life than anyone and he knew he had to trust them. Finally, one of them laughed and said, _“Well, Goddamn, Noah. Then why is your ass in this tiny shit of a house instead of in L.A.?”_ It broke the tension and Noah could see acceptance in their faces. Then he had to explain ‘the year’ and that took several more beers. Late into the night when his friends left they each hugged him tightly to make sure he knew no matter what happened, he was always part of them.

His conversation with Clare had not gone the way he’d expected. Of course she was hurt and he was still an asshole. But what he hadn’t expected was that she knew, not about the reception but she knew something more than that. Staring blankly out the window, when Clare spoke, her voice flat and devoid of feeling. _“You were different during the final season. I knew something was changing and I chose to believe it would pass. Even your music changed, there was more longing in it."_ Then she looked directly at him, _“When I saw you and Dan together I felt something different from what you and I have. And I knew you had no idea, Noah. I should have talked to you about it but I made the decision to let it go. Maybe I believed it was infatuation."_ Noah couldn’t speak. He had no idea where Clare was going with this but he knew he would listen, he owed her so much more than that.

 _“Then I saw you with him at the reception, holding him on the dance floor in the most natural way. I couldn’t take my eyes off of your face. In all our years together, I’d never seen that look. I’ve seen happiness and love in your eyes, Noah, but you’ve never looked at me like your soul was wrapped up in mine."_ Tears were on both their cheeks and she looked away again. _“When you met Dan at Christmas a friend called to ask me if everything was ok. They were in the bar and saw you were ‘a wreck’ as she said. I made the decision not to go that night. I hoped you’d realize…well, that it would be different than what it turned out to be."_

Clare turned back to the window and said in a low voice, _“Noah, somewhere along the way, you gave Dan your soul. I can never replace that.”_ Noah sat in stillness as Clare walked to the bedroom and he heard her packing a bag.

When she returned Noah reached for her hand and he was surprised when she let him take it. _“Clare, I never meant to hurt you and I will always be sorry for that. I didn’t know and I was a fool for that,"_ he said with tears still on his face.

 _“Noah, I knew. I should have done something.”_ She didn’t look back when closing the door. Noah sank to the couch and cried, he’d never forgive himself for hurting her and his need for Dan overwhelmed him. A few days later, before Noah moved out, the doorbell rang and when he answered the courier handed him the envelope he knew were divorce papers. 

Telling his family was harder in different ways. He was ending his relationship with someone who’d become a part of their family and he knew how much they loved Clare. And, he would tell them he was doing this because his heart was with a man who he hoped to spend the rest of his life with. 

Of course Noah thought about Patrick’s episode coming out to his parents, he wasn’t blind to the parallels. He wondered if Dan had gone through the same struggle before his parents knew. Dan had told him once that he was thankful his mom just asked and then they finished their lunch. The day Clare left he texted his parents and sister asking if they could do a video call together later that night. It wasn’t uncommon for them to talk by video but to ask for all three of them, Noah knew would set off some alarms.

That night, Noah held his breath then walked head on into the conversation with his family that he knew might change his relationship with them forever. He wasn’t sure what he expected but alarms turned out to be crickets. Very quiet crickets. Noah finally spoke, _“It’s ok for you to ask whatever you need. I know this is a shock and I’m sorry if I’ve let you down."_ Crickets.

 _“Noah,"_ his mom said softly, glancing at his dad, _“This is not as much of a shock as you probably think. We all saw what Clare saw at the reception. We saw you were deeply in love and absolutely unaware. Our only concern has been how it would affect you when you finally realized it."_ Pausing for just a moment, she said firmly, _“We love you, unconditionally, and your happiness is what we want most. We have no preconceived ideas about where or who you will find that with."_

When Noah began to cry his family cried as well. Finally, his sister brought some levity to the moment, _“God, Noah, how is it you are always the last to know. Did you even listen to Gemini after recording it?”_ They talked for a long while mostly letting Noah ramble about things that had happened the past year. They asked no questions and made no judgements. 

When the call ended, Noah thought about what his sister had said. Why would she ask if he’d ever listened to his own album and what did that have to do with their conversation? Of course he’d actually listened to it. Hadn’t he? He pulled the vinyl from the shelf and placed it on his player. And he heard it. The longing in every song for something he believed was just out of reach. He listened to the album then listened to it again letting it fill him. God, he really had been stupid.

In the next few weeks Annie and Emily both reached out to him, confirming what Noah thought, most of the cast had known something was happening. Emily left him a voicemail, _“You’re an idiot - get your ass to L.A. ...here if you need to talk.”_

Annie was a little more gentle about it, _“Jesus Noah, we saw that everything in you was changing, but you have to find your own way, you know that.”_

 _“Annie, I’ve hurt so many people. Wanting Daniel ...when I felt that, my instinct was to run the other way and wait for it to stop. I had no idea ...there was never any choice but to be with him.”_ Then Noah laughs, sounding a little desperate, _“What the hell am I thinking walking away from him for a year?”_

 _“It’s the most beautiful gesture I’ve ever seen anyone make ...to say ‘I love you’,”_ she says. Then softly, _“Dan knows that, he’s as scared as you are, Noah.”_

 _“I can’t lose him,”_ Noah whispers.

**February - 2 of 12**

Noah lay in his bed sweating with sheets twisted around him. Fuck. It was pathetic how many times he jerked off thinking about Dan. See a picture of Dan modeling some designer suit while trolling the internet - get an erection and jerk off. See an Instragram post from Dan talking about his support of, well anything - get an erection and jerk off. Noah knew he had to get a grip on things. And not literally. 

_“Ok. That’s it. I’m off social media,"_ he said talking mostly to the ceiling. That day he texted his family and a few close friends letting them know he was going silent for a while so they wouldn’t worry, saying he needed to clear his head and write and he’d check for messages every Sunday. He knew it sounded pathetic but better than if he told them how much he jerked off thinking about Dan.

He finally texted Dan on February 14th. It was the first time since he’d walked away from him in the car. _“💓 is yours”_ He knew Dan would roll his eyes and smile at the heart emoji. When he saw Dan’s reply he felt the tightness in his chest. _“And I can’t be the one to 💔 it”_

God, could he really do this for a year? 

  
  


**March - 3 of 12**

Somehow Dan knew he had the flu and had enough soup delivered to his house to survive till summer. How did he know? He suspected his dad, but he wouldn’t ask. If his family developed a relationship with Dan, he did not want to influence that. Noah knew their acceptance of each other had to happen without him.

Jesus, where did Dan buy soup? It tasted like he’d hired someone’s grandmother to make it. It made Noah smile to think that actually wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary for Dan to do. He’d seen what Dan did for the Schitt’s cast and crew without them ever knowing it was him. When Dan cared for people it was with his whole heart and Noah understood why he couldn’t bear to be the reason to break his.

**April - 4 of 12**

Noah spent most of his time writing, rambling verses and music that haunted his heart, he dove into his music with an intense passion he hadn’t felt in a while. When he wasn’t writing he walked his neighborhood, he sat in the park watching people and their relationships with each other and pulled verses from everything around him.

He fielded several acting opportunities but everything revolved around L.A. and Noah knew he would not be able to stay away from Dan if they were both in the same city. 

**May - 5 of 12**

Noah came home from his birthday dinner with his parents to find a FedEx package on his porch. When he pulled the envelope from inside he knew immediately it was from Dan. There was no writing on the envelope but as Noah held it to his nose he caught the faintest scent he remembered when he kissed Dan’s neck. 

He opened the envelope and saw the name ‘Joy of Dance Centre’ on the certificate and burst into laughter. Three private dance lessons. Noah realized how long it had been since he’d really laughed as he texted Dan to let him know the package had arrived.

He smiled at Dan’s reply 🤞

And he missed him.

Noah walked into the bedroom not even pretending he wasn’t going to jerk off while thinking about his hand moving up and down on Daniel. 

**June - 6 of 12**

Halfway. Noah looked around the park watching people enjoying the beautiful day. He was content and his head felt more clear than it had in months. Halfway. He was making music every day and had taken a few film and theater parts located in Toronto. Noah wanted to have full control of his life right now, and he wanted to keep himself far away from L.A.

He knew Dan was working non-stop on a movie for one of the streaming networks and the pilot for a series. It was Sunday, and as always when he allowed himself back on social media, he checked on Dan. Noah knew the importance of keeping yourself ‘in the spotlight’ especially when a project hung in the balance. Interviews here and there or snapshots from a night out. It was in one of these snapshots that Noah saw it, Dan’s shirt was open at the neck and on a gold chain hung one of the gold bands. Their gold bands. Noah clicked on the article.

It was an interview with Dan with all the usual questions about Schitt’s, the impact it made on people, what’s next for him, what’s he working on, etc... Ending the interview, the host asked Dan if he cared to say whether he was in a relationship, since a lot of single people would be interested to know their chances. Dan blushed, hesitating for a moment and his hand absently came up and touched the ring. _“Well, I’d say I’m halfway there."_

  
  


**July - 7 of 12**

Noah felt it in the pit of his stomach, it was guilt and he wasn’t going to hide from it or pretend he didn’t feel it. However bad he felt, he deserved it. A few friends had reached out to him, and his family. Tomorrow would have been his wedding anniversary but he knew that was just a date on the calendar compared to almost six years with Clare. And it would be one year from the beginning of what brought him to where he is now.

His guilt had so many layers and he’d explored all of them. Of course there was guilt over what he’d done to Clare, she had always deserved more. But he felt guilt for things he’d only admitted to himself.

For not having the courage years ago to talk to Dan about what he felt that night laying in bed thinking about their kiss. For holding onto Dan a little longer than necessary after a scene was called. For laughing off his kiss on Dan’s neck as ‘for Patrick’. For the way he made Dan feel pushing himself on him at his own wedding reception.

Out of all that, what Noah felt most guilty for now was not telling Dan he loved him. He’d told him, shown him, how much he wanted him. Noah knows Dan is afraid that what he’s asking for is so far from what he’s always known, he couldn’t really want it. Noah understands fully this is about him being straight or gay. Somehow, he needs to make Dan understand that what he wants has nothing to do with either of those, it doesn’t need to be labeled. He simply wants Dan, his warmth and humor and acceptance, the way Noah feels whole with him, sees his own soul when he looks into Dan’s eyes. He loves him. And, yes, desire and need that takes his breath away over and over. 

Maybe Noah had drunk too much but he laid his head back on the couch and when he closed his eyes he could feel Dan’s mouth kissing his as he did in the car that night outside the restaurant. His phone buzzed with a text and Noah was perturbed at the interruption of what he was already feeling would turn into a very nice memory of feeling Dan coming apart in his hand. DL pops up in his texts and Noah smiles. 

**8:00 pm L.A.** I know tomorrow might be hard for you. I am truly sorry.

 **Noah dialed Dan’s number praying he would pick up.**

_“Hi,”_ Dan answers softly.

 _“Hi. Thank you for picking up. I wasn’t sure you would,”_ Noah is trying to keep his emotion in check.

 _“I just felt tomorrow might not be something you can talk about with many people,"_ Dan pauses.

 _“I don’t need to talk about it really. I’m ok with where I am for the most part.”_

Dan hesitates, not sure he wants the truth but knowing he needs it. _“What part are you not ‘ok’ with?”_

 _“Daniel, I never wanted a year apart from you. But I know how intense I was that night and I don’t want to scare you away.”_ Noah is soft and patient. Silence.

 _“Noah, you take my breath away.”_ They were quiet then, knowing they both needed to hear the other breathe. 

Finally, Dan says in a whisper, _“Five months."_

And Noah answers, _“Five months."_

Noah knows he can not tell Dan over the phone that he’s in love with him. He has to tell him face to face so he can ensure Dan won’t panic and he might lose him for good. 

  
  


**August - 8 of 12**

It was late when Dan finally walked through the door and he tossed the mail on the counter. As it scattered he saw the letter. He knows it’s from Noah by the scratchy handwriting and the plethora of stamps that run across the envelope. He grins at the thought of Noah wondering if he has enough postage then adding more just to be sure. Reaching for a bottle of wine, he opens the letter. 

_“Happy birthday, Daniel. I know now, they were always for you”_

The note is in Noah’s handwriting and paperclipped to several letters. Looking at the letters, Dan isn’t sure how this is a birthday present, they’re handwritten with what might be a coffee cup, or whiskey glass, stains on them. Words are crossed out and there’s writing down the margins of every page. 

Dan pours himself a glass of wine as he tries to decipher it and he stops mid-pour. He knows these words. He goes to his player and places the needle on the album that is already there. His house fills with Noah’s voice and Dan reads the letters that hold the words he hears.

There are scratches through some of the words changing them to what now plays throughout the house. Dan realizes these are the original writings Noah did of his songs. He sat on the floor reading it as the music played. **Honesty, Neverending December, Hold On** . He pulls Noah’s note back to him. _“I know now, they were always for you."_

Noah had once said he kept all of his original writings and gave his producer a typed version. He’d laughed saying _‘In case I’m famous someday and they’re worth something.’_ Dan’s hands shake lightly as he holds them, in all his life he’s never received a gift that he knew meant so much to the person giving it. He calls.

 **“** _Noah?” Dan says_

“Hi there…” Noah answers.

 _“I’ve never gotten a present that I knew held someone’s heart,”_ Dan says, softly.

“ _It’s always been yours,”_ Noah says quietly.

Dan has no idea why he’s crying but he can’t stop. **_“_** _Goodnight Noah Reid”_

 **_“_** _Goodnight Daniel Levy”_

**September - 9 of 12**

Noah spends most of the month in the recording studio, hoping the days go by quickly and leave him very little time to think about anything other than his music. He purposely backs off from reaching out to Dan. He’s afraid he’s pushing too much and needs to pull it back or Dan will worry they haven’t ‘really’ been apart from each other. He knows Dan will go to any length to ensure they’re both sure about what Noah wants, once they take the step, there will be no turning back.

**October - 10 of 12**

**Midnight, Toronto** 31 days. He realizes he’s never gone this long without some kind of contact with Dan and he feels a little crazy, he aches for him. He reaches for his phone and texts him ‘I want you’. Then deletes it. ‘I want to be with you’. Delete. ‘I’m thinking about you’. Jesus, very stalker. ‘How are you?’ Yeah, let’s just go for pathetic. He pushes his phone across the counter knowing there is nothing he can text Dan that he doesn’t already know. Dan knows or they wouldn’t be thousands of miles away from each other right now.

So, fuck it, he might as well be honest. He reaches for his phone and texts, ‘I don’t need you to answer, I just need to say this because I don’t know if you’ll let me when our year is up. I want you. I want to hold you and feel your body against mine. I want to run my hands across you and feel my mouth on yours as I pull you in. I want to breathe in your scent and taste you. I want you’. Noah presses ‘send’ and heads to the bathroom for a cold shower. 

**9:00 pm L.A.** Dan sees NR on his messages and is a little surprised, he knows Noah has purposely backed off, a few of their friends in Toronto have mentioned it to Dan. He opens the message and his breath stops, he reads it over and over, feeling the rawness of it. Dan lays his phone on the bed and heads to the bathroom for a cold shower. 

**November - 11 of 12**

Noah lays awake most nights thinking about what might happen when their year is over. He knows Dan is scared of how their relationship might hurt him, how hard it will be to go public. Annie and Emily don't mention it anymore, they know how hard it’s been for Noah. He smiles, wondering if Dan has them on ‘Noah watch’ to ensure he doesn’t flee Canada and head to L.A. before their year is up.

**December. 12**

December 1, Noah gave his landlord the required 30 day notice. Then he called Dan.

 **10:00 am Toronto** “ _Daniel?”_ Noah says calmly.

 **7:05 am L.A.** “ _Noah, I assume you are aware of the time difference between Toronto and L.A.?”_

 **Toronto** " _Well aware. Are you coming to Toronto over Christmas? Or, would it be better if I come to L.A.?"_

Silence. Noah waits. One year. He isn’t waiting any longer.

 **L.A.** “ _Noah, are you sure?”_

 **Toronto** “ _So, I’m coming to L.A.. I’ll text you my flight info. And, Daniel?”_

 **L.A.** “ _Yes?”_

 **Toronto** “ _I was sure 12 months ago.”_

Noah decides to fly into L.A. on Christmas Day. The days leading up to Christmas are always hectic and he doesn’t want distractions from his time with Dan. And he knows the Levys will be in L.A. before the holiday so it will give both of them time with their own families before seeing each other.

Noah made arrangements for a friend to take his piano and rented a small storage unit for what little else he had. Looking around the unit before putting the lock on, he’s surprised at how simple his life had become. It had made him more aware of what was important to him and what he’d give up for that.

He boarded the mostly empty plane and stored his guitar and duffel in the overhead. As he settled in, the flight attendant stopped and said, _“The drinks are complimentary today, would you like one?”_

 _“Whiskey,"_ Noah said, hoping it would help calm him. Dan hadn’t told him not to come to L.A. but he hadn’t exactly told him he should come, either. If Dan were ending things, Noah knew he’d want to do it face to face. Dan would never take the easy way out and tell him over the phone.

The attendant handed him the drink and asked, _“So, heading to L.A. for something special at Christmas?”_

Noah spoke softly, _“For the rest of my life I hope."_

  
  


**Finally**

L.A. airport is dead on Christmas day and Noah has no problem spotting Dan when he walks out of the terminal. His toque is pulled low on his forehead and a hoodie covers most of the rest. Noah knows Dan has no idea what a beautiful man he is, his heart seemed to stop for a minute looking at him. The past year faded away and everything he’d felt that night in the car came rushing in, he tried to calm his breathing, they pulled each other close but Noah was careful. He knows Dan is photographed a lot and there’s always media in L.A. looking for a story. A sighting of ‘Patrick and David’ would definitely be a story. 

_“Hi,”_ Dan greets him cautiously.

 _“Hi, Daniel."_ God, he can hardly breathe. Is Dan as nervous?

 _“It’s good you’re here. Noah, I’m glad you came,”_ Dan says just above a whisper _._

 _“Me too. You look good. L.A. agrees with you,"_ Noah tries to lighten the moment.

Dan smiles, _“So ... checked bags?”_ and glances around a little nervously.

 _“Uh, no. We can get out of here.”_ Noah knows they need privacy. 

In Dan’s car driving out of the airport Noah can’t stop looking over at him, he can’t read the expression on Dan’s face. He tries to make small talk and not think about how close they are in the small space of the car. _“How was it having the Levys here for Christmas?”_ God, had he ever been this nervous? 

_“Nice, not calm, but nice,"_ Dan says and Noah notices he keeps his eyes on the highway.

 _“Do they know I’m here?”_ Noah isn’t sure yet how Dan had played things with his family, what he had or maybe had not told them. He knows if Dan had decided this just can’t happen between them, he would not have talked about it with anyone. 

_“They know."_ Dan doesn’t say anymore so Noah lets it go. He needs to see Dan’s eyes to know what he feels. Dan talked about random things as you would with family who were in L.A., the traffic, the weather, and Noah is glad for the distraction so he simply nods and follows along. 

Noah isn’t surprised at the house when they pull into the drive. Dan had shared pictures and asked him about his thoughts before buying it. Dan knew it was ‘something’ but more than anything he wanted it to feel like ‘home’. As they walk from the garage into the kitchen he motions toward the table for Noah to leave his guitar and duffle. Noah smiles at him, _“It’s beautiful, Daniel. It’s ‘you’, it feels like home."_ Dan seems to relax and Noah wonders if he’s nervous about having him in his house. 

Dan shows him through the main floor, lingering outside at the pool area and Noah imagines this is where he spends most of his time. Back inside they stop at the stairs and Dan says casually, avoiding Noah’s eyes, _“Of course bedrooms and bathrooms upstairs."_

Dan leads them back into the kitchen, _“Whiskey? Or, I have the beer you like.”_

 _“Whiskey is good."_ The thought of Dan buying the beer he likes makes him smile, but Noah needs something right now to bring the edge off faster than beer.

Dan pours them each a shot and holds his glass up, _“To the 6ix”_

Noah smiles at the reference to the place they share, _“To the 6ix."_ He touches his glass to Dan’s and they down the shots. 

Dan immediately pours them a second glass and Noah can see now that Dan is as nervous as he is. They drink these more slowly, standing across the kitchen from each other, quietly. Noah finishes his drink and sets his glass on the counter. He looks at Dan and, as always, his breath catches at how beautiful he is.

Noah says slowly, deliberately, _“Daniel, I’ve waited a year. A year in which I never stopped thinking about you, never stopped wanting you. I feel the same as I did ...that night in the car with you. In a minute I’m going to walk across this kitchen and kiss you. So, if that’s not what you want, I need to hear you say it now."_

Dan holds his glass to his lips, his breathing becomes shallow as he watches Noah. He’s never seen a more beautiful face and it scares him a little at how lost he gets in those eyes. Several things scare him right now ... that Noah says what he feels, what he wants, so easily. That Noah will always be open and honest with him ...and will demand the same. But what scares him most is knowing that he will give Noah all of himself. He finishes his drink and sets his glass on the counter, placing his hands on the edge of the counter on either side of him, he looks directly at Noah, and says nothing. It’s everything Noah needs to hear.

Noah keeps his eyes on Dan’s as he walks to him, placing his hand on Dan’s chest to feel his heartbeat. He moves his other hand to the back of Dan’s neck and rests it there lightly before pulling him in. His kiss is not asking for permission, it is not soft or gentle. Noah kisses him with the desire and need he’s held the past year, taking what he needs from him. Dan parts his lips and Noah moans, moving into him over and over until neither of them can breathe, tasting the whiskey on his mouth and it’s intoxicating.

He stops and pulls back, kissing along the corner of Dan's mouth gently as they linger breathing each other in, and he sees in Dan’s eyes the same wild need he feels. Then he sees the chain around Dan’s neck, pushing his shirt open a bit, to see one gold band. Noah rubs his thumb across the metal and looks back at Dan, knowing this is the right time.

_“Daniel, I’m in love with you ...I have been for longer than I knew. I love your laughter and your kindness. I love the dramatic way you take on the world. I love that you are not afraid to be gentle and that you are not afraid to cry. I love that you think you need to give me space to know what I want. I want you. And when I say that I want to give myself to you, I trust you completely with my heart and soul and body. I will not hurt you, Daniel. I love you and will love you as long as you let me.”_

Noah waits, his body is warm and relaxed from the whiskey. He’s said what he came to say and now it’s up to Dan. He watches as Dan’s eyes move down to his mouth. Dan leans in, brushes his lips across Noah’s, takes his wrist and pulls him into the living room to the couch. Dan moves around the room turning off lights until there is a soft glow, then he moves close to Noah and eases him gently onto the couch, kneels in front of him and moves between his legs. Noah can feel the heat of him on his thighs and his mind is racing, in that moment he knows in his heart how much he wants him. Dan’s voice is soft when he speaks.

_“Noah, I need to tell you something. When I wrote David’s vows for the wedding they were not exactly what I spoke to you that day. When I stood in front of you and said ‘I’ve never felt as safe as when I’m with you’ those were not part of the script. I was terrified someone would realize it. Those words came from inside me, trying to tell you what I felt for you. I thought I had been in love before and the pain of losing that was something I never wanted you to feel. I knew for ‘us’ to happen it meant that’s exactly what you’d have to go through and I couldn’t bear it. I know I have not known love before you. I need you in my life. I will give you all of myself and I will never go further than you tell me you’re ready for. I love you, Noah.”_

Dan kisses him softly on the lips, he moves back, never taking his eyes off of him. He slides Noah’s shoes off and slowly pulls him forward, pulling his shirt up and off. He runs his fingers through Noah’s hair and down his chest, then slowly unfastens his belt and the button on his jeans. Noah keeps his hands open at his sides letting Dan know he trusts him, Dan gently moves the zipper down watching his erection push against the fabric of his underwear. He can feel the nervousness in Noah’s body and it makes him hard. Still watching Noah’s eyes, he moves his hands underneath him, motioning him up as he slides his jeans and underwear down and off. He looks down at Noah’s cock and his breath catches, feeling heat and desire run through him. Noah can’t take his eyes off of Dan’s face as he looks at him. He moves his hand gently around Noah’s cock they both draw in their breath, running his other hand up his chest, hearing Noah moan. Dan looks up at him, _“Noah, tell me this is what you want.”_

Noah’s voice is nothing more than a single breath, _“Yes."_

Dan rubs his thumb across the tip, Noah’s breath becomes ragged as he spreads the pre-cum down the length and holds his hand there, Noah’s hips push up instinctively. He looks at Noah again then leans down and takes him fully into his mouth soft and slow, he feels the muscles in Noah’s stomach jerk as he groans, _“Daniel…”_ low and breathless. He sucks up and down, pulling his tongue along the length of Noah’s cock, moving on him gently and deeply. And, as Dan had said that night in the car, he looks up at Noah’s face and sees the look of pleasure at feeling Dan’s mouth on him for the first time.

Noah's eyes close, his head falls back on the couch, gasps and moans follow each other rapidly now, _“Oh my God…."_ Dan moves faster up and down on Noah before stopping, then starting again, each time taking him to the brink of something he can’t imagine. Dan knows the first time Noah comes in his mouth will be something he never forgets and he wants the feeling to consume him, as it will Dan. Noah moves his hands into Dan’s hair needing to touch him. He pulls Dan further down on him and the wetness of his mouth, his tongue moving around him makes his head spin. He feels the tip of his cock hit the back of Dan’s throat and he moans, beginning to spiral out of control as Dan moves down on him harder, sucking in as he moves up. 

_“Daniel...I’m too close ...I need ...”_ Dan doesn’t stop. He moves his mouth to suck Noah’s balls while his hand moves faster up and down his cock. Noah is writhing against him now, pushing harder and harder into him. When he feels Noah’s groan from deep inside, he moves back to his cock, sucking and moving his tongue back and forth over the tip as he pulls up, he grabs Noah’s hips and pulls him up into him. Noah is too far gone, his hips move frantically in rhythm with Dan’s mouth and the sight of him taking his cock again and again sends him out of his mind. 

_“Daniel… ohh my God.”_ Noah calls out, arching into Dan, grabbing his hair tightly, groaning as he comes, wild and out of control. His senses are reeling, he can’t hold on hard enough to Dan, he falls from the cliff he's been hanging onto since the first time he felt his tongue inside Dan’s mouth. Noah rocks back and forth, holding on to Dan, feeling the waves of pleasure wash over him, pushing over and over into Dan’s mouth. 

As his orgasm finally ends, he lays against the couch, his breathing is low and shallow. Dan moves his mouth slowly around him as he watches. When Dan runs his fingers across his lips to take in his cum that lingers there, Noah feels the tears on his face. He’s never felt like this, he knows he is so far gone with Dan, he wonders if his desire for him might consume them both. 

Dan reaches up to wipe a tear away and Noah moves his fingers into his mouth. He tastes the mixture of himself and Dan’s skin and feels Dan catch his breath when he sucks his fingers. Noah leans up from the couch and into Dan’s mouth, moving his tongue in urgently, and his hands go instinctively to the button on Dan’s pants. He unbuttons, unzips, and moves Dan’s pants down with the same desperate need to touch him he had when he kissed him in the kitchen. 

Feeling Dan’s breath catch as he wraps his hand around his cock, Noah moans when he feels how wet Dan is, pulling him closer. Dan holds on to his shoulders as Noah moves his hand up and down slowly, stopping long enough to make sure Dan doesn’t come yet. _“Daniel, open your eyes,”_ he whispers. When he knows Dan is focused on him, he gently pushes him back onto the soft rug beneath him, his eyes never leave Dan’s.

Noah moves a pillow under Dan and unbuttons his shirt pushing it aside. Then he moves to pull Dan’s pants and underwear the rest of the way off. His hands and eyes run slowly across his body and when his hand traces the curve of his hip he feels Dan shiver. _“God, you’re beautiful."_ Dan’s face flushes and he closes his eyes. Noah moves between his legs and looks at him. _“Daniel, keep your eyes open. Watch me, show me what you need,”_ Noah whispers as he lowers his mouth to Dan’s chest kissing and biting down to his stomach. Noah licks the length of his cock from the base up to the tip to taste him and Dan groans, _“Jesus,” .._ afraid he will come instantly as Noah wraps his hand around the base of his cock and lowers his mouth over him.

In the last year, Noah had thought over and over about how Dan would feel in his mouth, whether he'd be nervous, whether he'd know how to make Dan come. And now, as he feels the soft skin in stark contrast to the hardness of Dan, he realizes how badly he wants to explore him, to know him. Noah moves slowly, letting his lips learn the feel of Dan while his tongue memorizes the delicate curve around the head of his cock. The warmth of him in his mouth makes Noah moan, and he realizes his moan obviously does something for Dan as well when he feels him thrust further into his mouth. He's a little surprised that he is not nervous, he feels almost protective of Dan giving himself so openly to him. Noah moves his mouth off of Dan and runs his thumb up the underside of his cock, watching as the skin is pulled so tight in his erection that it barely moves, feeling Dan jerk beneath him makes him smile just the slightest. The skin looks like satin from the wetness of where his mouth has just been and it makes him feel weak, he moves his mouth back to take Dan fully inside.

Dan watches Noah, running his hands through his long curls as his head moves up and down. He watches as Noah holds the base of his cock gently pushing it up to meet his mouth each time he comes down. Dan holds his head down briefly, whispering, _“Hold me there."_ He’s never needed anyone this way, he’s always been waiting for Noah. 

Noah continues to suck slowly up and down on Dan and when he moves his head slightly to the side and looks up through heavy lashes, Dan feels himself jerk uncontrollably. _“Noah…”_ watching Noah take him in takes him apart in ways he’s never felt. Noah keeps his mouth on Dan’s cock letting him jerk as far into his throat as he can. He watches Dan’s face and moves his hand to his hip to hold him close. He tastes Dan’s cum as it moves down his throat and what he can’t take runs out of his mouth onto his hand around the base of his cock. 

As Dan’s orgasm ends, Noah lays his head against his thigh, breathing heavily, and hears him whisper, _“I’ve never loved anyone but you, Noah."_ Their breathing steadies and Dan pulls him up, he moves his thumb across Noah’s lip, wiping away traces of cum, and kisses him deeply. Noah grabs his shirt and carefully wipes Dan dry, slowly storing every part of his body to memory. He lays his body along the length of Dan and pulls the throw from the couch to cover them. 

_“Daniel, I didn’t need a year,”_ Noah says softly.

 _“Neither did I,”_ Dan sighs.

It’s the first time Noah slept without thinking about Dan before drifting off. 

  
  


Waking the next morning, Noah reaches for Dan, realizing he isn’t there, he rolls onto his back taking time to think about last night, replaying in his mind their intimate touches, he slides his hand down and touches himself, thinking about Dan’s mouth on him as a shiver moves down him. When he smells coffee coming from the kitchen he pulls his clothes on and makes his way there. Dan is leaning against the counter holding a cup to his mouth and Noah stands to watch him. Their eyes meet and they both remain still, taking each other in and remembering the evening. Noah moves slowly to Dan and takes the cup from his hands, kissing his jawline softly, _“I can smell your body on my shirt._ _Thank you for last night. I love you."_

Dan’s face flushes and all he can say, breathlessly, is, _“Noah."_

Noah pours himself coffee as Dan fills a carafe and puts it on a tray along with a box of pastries. Noah follows him as he moves everything to a small sitting room off the kitchen. He knows after last night he will follow wherever Dan wants to take him. They sit facing each other on the couch, their legs draped across one another.

 _“So, pastries ...you were planning on me being here this morning?”_ Noah smiles, rubbing his thumb lightly across the side of Dan’s leg. Dan rolls his eyes and slides the box toward him, both grinning while they eat and finish their coffee.

Dan looks at him and then down in a way that Noah thinks makes him look shy. _“Noah, last night …”_ After a minute, Dan finally looks back up at him. _“Was it what you thought it would be? Is it what you want?”_

Noah freezes, he sees the look in Dan’s eyes and wants so badly to hold him. He wonders if Dan is more afraid that he might say ‘no’ or that he might actually say ‘yes’. He sets his cup on the tray and holds his eyes steady on Dan’s knowing he needs to hear the words. 

_“Daniel, when our bodies touched and you took me into your mouth my world stopped. When I tasted you come apart in mine, it was the first time in my life I’ve felt I’m where I’m supposed to be. Feeling you gave me something inside that I’ve never been able to reach. I’m not talking about sex, Daniel. I felt everything, my heart, and soul, and body come together as one for the first time in my life. I will always want you.”_

Several moments go by before Dan says, _“Well then…”_ he moves from the couch and holds his hand out to Noah. Noah takes it and walks toward the living room where they’d made love last night. Dan stops and softly says, _“Noah…”_ and pulls him up the stairs to his bedroom.

Noah isn’t sure how it’s possible but his heart is racing faster than last night. He knows Dan well enough to know that he’s never made love to anyone in his bed. Dan is very careful about his private life and has said before that inviting someone into his bed would mean more than casual sex. In their time together early on in the show, he’d told Noah how motel rooms were the best way to not give someone too much control over his feelings.

Noah holds his breath for a moment, looking at the bed. Dan turns on the shower and they move together, undressing each other, their fingers shaking just a little, slowly touching, learning each other’s body and the reactions that come from each touch. Inside the shower, they caress slowly, moving across intimate places, memorizing the feel of each other as the warmth of the water relaxes them. Dan turns Noah’s back to him and lathers shampoo into his hair, holding his head back against him, he moves his fingers through Noah’s hair then down his chest to his cock, moving back and forth on him, his hand slick with shampoo. Dan holds them together and Noah moans at the feel of Dan pressing into him. He grasps the shower walls as Dan strokes him lightly, biting along the back of his neck. Dan stops, and whispers into the curve of his neck, just below his ear, _“Not yet."_

Out of the shower they dry off and Dan pulls a small bag from the drawer, handing it to Noah motioning for him to open it. Noah laughs at the toiletries inside, watching Dan in the mirror as he moves behind him and begins to lightly towel dry Noah’s hair, pulling him back into him. It’s such an intimate thing having Dan do these things for him, watching him in the mirror, Noah can’t take his eyes off him. Dan eventually runs the towel through his own hair and they both make use of the toiletries. When they finish, Dan reaches down slowly and removes Noah’s towel from his waist, watching him in the mirror. He moves behind Noah and caresses him along his body, Noah’s cock is throbbing when Dan finally moves down and wraps his hand firmly around him. Noah closes his eyes and lays his head back against Dan, trying to calm his breathing. Dan whispers to him, _“Noah, open your eyes.”_

Noah opens his eyes and watches Dan as he licks his fingers and runs them across the tip of his cock causing Noah to jerk. Dan watches him in the mirror, stroking him up and down him, using Noah’s pre-cum to make him slick, his other hand holding him across his chest. Noah reaches behind him and opens Dan’s towel up, hearing him moan as he presses against him. Dan whispers, _“Noah, I’ve thought about this so many times the past months, my hands on you, feeling you fall apart when I touch you.”_ He can tell by Noah’s movements that he’s close to coming, he stops and leads him to his bed and moves the covers back, pulling Noah down into the bed with him, they lay silently facing each other listening to their shallow breathing.

Noah understands what it means for Dan to have him in his bed. He lays his hand on Dan’s hip then moves it to his back pulling them together. When he feels their bodies come together, he presses his forehead to Dan’s and says softly, _“I love you."_ Dan’s cock hard against his makes him throb and he moves his mouth to Dan’s, rushing in to taste him, pulling on his lower lip with a hunger Noah knows only he will fill.

Dan slides his hand between them and presses their cocks together moving gently up and down. Noah feels himself spiraling as he had last night as he moves his hips back and forth into Dan. _“Daniel…”_ he moans, _“I would like to be able to last more than a minute with you ...and I won’t be able to with your hand there."_

 _“Noah, we have all day to explore each other. It is not my intent to make you last."_ Dan moves faster up and down their cocks bringing their pre-cum together to smooth his strokes. Noah gasps, _“Fuck…”_ and moves on Dan’s mouth again pulling him in, taking him with his tongue. 

He jerks into Dan’s hand and he can’t stop, coming over and over into his hand and on their bodies. He holds onto Dan’s mouth trying to clear his head, feeling Dan’s body jerk, he presses his hips forward to meet him. Noah pulls away, looking down to watch Dan come between them, and as he looks back to him, they both know there will never be anyone else like this.

Finally, they roll apart using the sheet to clean themselves, neither wants to move away from the other to get a towel. They are quiet, both lost in thought when Noah moves his hand over Dan’s. Dan wraps his fingers through Noah’s and they sleep. 

They spend the day in bed gently caressing, laughing, talking, getting to know each other in new ways after their distance the past year. Late in the afternoon, after hearing the growl of their stomachs, Dan gets up and tosses a t-shirt and pajama pants to Noah. 

Noah laughs, _“Were you afraid I wouldn’t bring any?”_

Dan takes his time looking at Noah’s body stretched out in his bed. _“It wouldn’t matter if you brought any. I want to see you in mine."_

God, Noah feels his cock harden immediately. He sits up in the bed and pulls the covers back so Dan can see him and says, in an almost pleading voice, _“I want you, Daniel."_

Dan drops the clothes he’s pulled out for himself and crawls across the bed to Noah, pushing him back into the bed. He spreads Noah’s legs apart and moves between them. He lowers his mouth to Noah’s stomach moving around his cock but never taking it in. Dan bites and sucks the soft skin there listening to Noah’s breath stop and start again. He moves down to his balls and brings them gently into his mouth. Dan knows what he’s doing, if Noah really wants to last he will give him that. He presses a finger firmly to the base of Noah’s balls and continues to suck on them, feeling the pre-cum on his lips as it runs down his cock. 

Time slows as Dan moves his mouth everywhere except on his cock and Noah is out of his head. Suddenly, Noah raises himself up and pulls Dan’s mouth to his. He rolls Dan to his back and moves on top of him, holding Dan’s hands above his head, knowing he’s out of control as he grinds his hips into him. Noah thrusts forward feeling his cock slide against Dan’s and friction between them drives him harder. He comes suddenly, holding on harder to Dan’s hands, pushing himself further into him until he is completely spent. He lays himself gently onto Dan and moves his hand to wrap it around Dan’s cock, he is exhausted but he can’t stop. He slides down Dan’s body and takes him in his mouth, moving up and down aggressively on him. Noah pounds his mouth onto Dan and sucks up until he hears Dan cry out and feels him come. He holds his mouth there until he feels no movement then he rests his head on Dan’s leg. After a bit, Noah moves slowly to the bathroom for a towel.

He lays on his side against Dan wiping them both dry. _“Daniel?”_

 _“Hmmm?”_ Dan says lazily.

 _“The next time you decide to make me wait, a little forewarning would be nice,"_ Noah said smiling. _“So I don’t lose my fucking mind."_

Dan smiles back at him. _“It was worth it to feel you lose control."_

 _“God, Daniel, I’m always out of control with you,"_ Noah says a bit seriously.

  
  


It’s evening by the time they dress and head to the kitchen, laughing, moving easily together making sandwiches. Dan is at the counter moving everything onto plates when he feels Noah lean into him from behind, moving his hands around his waist, his thumb just inside the waistband of his sweatpants. Noah kisses along the back of his neck, moving one hand up inside his shirt and across his chest, pulling Dan back into him. He moves his hand down into Dan’s pants, hearing him suck his breath in sharply, he moves up and down along his cock until it’s hard, rubbing his thumb back and forth over the tip, feeling his pre-come. _“You’re not the only one who’s thought about this for months,”_ he murmurs into his neck. Noah pushes Dan’s pants down further and slides his hand up and down him, moving down to cup his balls and pull him back, closer to him, whispering, _“Wanting to feel you ...tell me you want this."_

Dan grasps the counter, breathing quickly as he moans, _“Noah ...yes, please."_

Noah presses his forehead into Dan’s back, and begins stroking him urgently, pulling Dan into him, taking him further each time. Dan jerks, reaching his hand back to hold him as Noah continues to stroke him, bringing him fully into his orgasm as Dan arches against him, murmuring, _“Oh my God”_ and comes, jerking into Noah’s hand. Suddenly, Noah turns him around, leaning him against the counter as he kneels in front of him and takes him in his mouth. Dan’s knees buckle slightly as he groans aloud, _“Noah ...”_ Noah pulls him in, moving his tongue over him, sucking him in deeper each time. The heat of Noah’s mouth makes Dan feel out of his mind, he runs his hands through Noah’s hair holding him and pushing him away at the same time, as Noah continues to suck him gently until his orgasm stops. Noah drags his tongue up Dan’s cock and nuzzles his mouth over the sensitive areas around his stomach, whispering _“I love you."_

 _“Jesus…you take my breath away,”_ Dan says, low and ragged as Noah moves up his body, kissing and holding him, both leaning against the counter until they can breathe. 

_“Now, about those sandwiches?”_ Noah says, out of breath as he moves his lips along Dan’s jaw.

 _“Yeah, I’m going to need a minute,”_ Dan whispers. Noah smiles, holding him close.

When they move back to the bed exhausted and full, Dan rolls onto his side and pulls Noah close to his back. Noah buries his head in Dan’s neck taking in his familiar scent and drifts off asleep. 

  
  


**Asking for what you want takes courage**

The coming days consist of much the same as their first 24 hours together. They talk, laugh, make love, eat and sleep. A week has passed when they move close to each other in the pool and Dan askes, casually of course, _“So.. what did you do with the place you were renting?”_

Noah knows what Dan is trying to get to. _“Gave my 30 day notice December 1st."_

Dan continues, _“And your stuff?”_

Noah looks out into the distance casually, _“In storage."_

Dan looks directly at him, _“And your airline ticket?”_

Noah continues looking into the distance, _“One way."_

He will not let Dan shy away from this. If it’s what he thinks he wants he has to trust Noah enough to ask.

A minute passes and Dan says, _“Are you hungry?”_

Noah smiles at him, _“I could eat."_

Dan worked for a bit answering emails, rearranging his schedule for the week, making a few calls. Noah took the opportunity to explore the hills around his house, getting in a decent hike. When he returns, Dan calls to him from outside on the patio.

Noah smiles at the beer and wine on the small table between their chairs and says, “ _This is nice to come back to, thank you."_ Sinking into the chaise and relaxing he notices how quiet Dan is. Noah wonders if his mind is on work so he sits quietly taking in how beautiful it is here with him.

After a couple of glasses of wine, he hears Dan say softly, _“Noah?”_

 _“Hmmm?”_ Noah answers, relaxed now.

 _“You could make music here, in L.A., couldn’t you?”_ Dan asks.

 _“Yes, I could,”_ Noah replies calmly.

Dan sits up and swings his legs off his chair so he’s facing Noah. _“So, you don’t really have to go back to Toronto, do you?”_ Dan says, fidgeting a little.

 _“No, Daniel, I don’t have to go back to Toronto,”_ Noah looks directly at him.

 _Noah, would you hate it here? I mean, I know you’ve said it ....would you be unhappy here?”_ Dan looks heartbroken, Noah’s happiness is everything to him.

 _“I will hate it wherever you are not,"_ Noah replies softly. It has to be Dan who asks. L.A. is where Dan is making his life and Noah won’t force himself into it. Dan comes to the side of the chair and moves Noah’s thigh over to sit. He leans down and kisses him softly.

_“Noah, move in with me?”_

_“Yes, Daniel."_ Noah slides over in the chair and pulls Dan down next to him. Wrapping his arms around him, Noah finally knows exactly how deep Dan is in this relationship. Dan is drowning along with him and they are both ready for it.

Over the next few weeks they settle easily into a routine. Noah is an early riser so he’s usually up and out for a hike into the hills long before Dan wakes. They share breakfast together before Dan heads to the studio and Noah takes his guitar and journal to the terrace. Dan tried working from home but when Noah came to him in the study one morning, moved his chair from the desk dropping to the floor in front of him giving him a blowjob that made Dan wonder if he’d lied about never being with a man… Well, they both knew Dan couldn’t work from home. 

Noah found a recording studio his producer thought would be able to work well for them even with him in Toronto. He received a text from his manager about a casting call in L.A. but declined saying he wanted to focus on his music for just a few months longer. He knows taking an acting job might pay more but it will mean being away on location. Away from Dan. Noah wants time for what they have to grow stronger, he is the happiest now, here, than he’s ever been and he isn’t going to fuck that up.

  
  


**Stress Relief**

Evenings are usually spent at home together. Sometimes when Noah strums through something on his guitar Dan thinks he can feel it in his heart. Neither want to go public yet with their relationship, they are not naive about what scrutiny there will be and they want to do it on their terms. One of the first evenings Dan worked late, Noah called to see how things were going, he could hear the stress in Dan’s voice.

 _“Dan.. are you alone?”_ Noah asked

 _“Yes, I’m alone, Noah. Don’t tell me you think I have the energy for a torrid affair,"_ Dan laughed.

 _“Daniel ...lock your office door,"_ Noah said. Silence.

 _“Noah ...are you hinting at what I think you are?”_ Dan asks a little nervously.

 _“Daniel ...I’m not hinting. Lock your office door,”_ Noah says firmly.

He hears Dan lay the phone down and a minute later Dan says, _“Locked."_

Noah knows where he’s taking this and he is already wet thinking about it. _“Sit back in your office chair, Daniel, and unzip your pants."_

 _“Noah, I actually have a couch in my office that would be much more comfy,"_ Dan says looking across his office.

 _“Daniel, tomorrow, when you go into your office and sit down in the chair at your desk, I want your first thought to be me telling you to take your cock in your hand and move it slowly up and down and imagine my mouth on you,"_ Noah says a little breathless.

 _“Noah ...fuck, you are so fucking hot right now,"_ Dan says as he sits down and unzips his pants.

_“Daniel, is your cock hard?”_

_“Yes."_

_“Rub your thumb across the tip,”_ Noah breathes into the phone and lays back against the couch as he unzips his pants feeling how wet he is. He hears Dan moan and decides to go all in, _“Now, move your hand up and down and feel my mouth taking in your cock. And Daniel, just so you know, while you’re doing that I will be holding my cock, jerking myself imagining the feel of your tongue on me and the sound of you sucking in my cum."_ Their labored breathing and moans last less than a minute as they both come, whispering each other’s name.

Finally, when their breathing steadies, Noah hears Dan’s voice, _“Noah?”_

 _“Yes?”_ Noah answers, his voice low and quiet.

 _“I’ll be home in 20 minutes. I hope that gives you time to pull yourself together because I am going to suck your cock until you fall apart in my mouth,”_ Dan says with a heat in his voice that makes Noah shiver. Noah is sure he’ll be ready.

  
  


**The Delivery**

It’s near the end of January when Dan calls Noah one morning asking if he might be able to be home for a delivery that’s supposed to come. Noah smiles, _“Sure Dan, I can be home. Should I start dinner too?”_ He knows it will rile Dan up to imply that Dan thinks his work was more important than Noah’s. But the best part of riling Dan up is bringing him to his knees later. 

_“Noah, you ‘know’ that’s not what I meant. Don’t you? It’s strictly a timing thing. The package is supposed to arrive at 10:30 and I’m not sure I can make it back with traffic…”_

_“Dan?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I’m writing from home today, remember? I was already planning on being here. It’s ok."_ Noah feels a little guilty for putting Dan through that but he’ll make up for it later tonight.

_“Noah, sometimes you are an asshole."_

_“At your service, Mr. Levy,"_ Noah says. They both go quiet. There are places they haven’t taken their relationship yet, understanding they’ll know when they are both ready.

The doorbell rings exactly at 10:30 and Noah pads barefoot to the door. He’s surprised to be met by three guys dressed similarly in what he thinks looked like a company uniform. The guy in front hands him a clipboard and says, _“Noah Reid?."_ A little confused, Noah answers, _“Uh, yeah?”_

 _“Sign here,"_ the guy says, pointing to a line on the paper attached to the clipboard. Noah signs and hands him the clipboard, the guy calls back to his coworkers, _“Ok, open it up and let’s get this baby inside."_ Noah walks out onto the driveway and sees the truck in the driveway. ‘Hollywood Piano’

 _“What in hell?”_ He reaches in his pocket for his phone realizing it’s inside. The guys begin moving the piano out of the truck and gently across the driveway. Noah moves out of the way for them to bring it through the door. Following them inside he stutters a bit, _“Uh ...I don’t know where…”_ and he looks around. _“No worries,"_ the lead guy says. _“We have instructions."_

Noah finds his phone and calls Dan while they move the piano into the living room to the corner between the couch and fireplace. Voicemail. _“Uh, Dan ...I’m a little lost here with this ‘delivery’. You want to give me a call? Please.”_ Noah moves back into the living room and watches as the guys take their time setting the piano up, removing the padding, making sure there is no damage. Noah walks to it and runs his hands across the keyboard. It's beautiful.

Finally, the guy hands Noah the clipboard again and says, _“Need your signature to confirm there’s no damage from delivery."_ Noah signs and they’re gone. He stands there looking at the piano and calls Dan again. Voicemail. _“Damn’t, Dan,”_ he says aloud.

 _“I’m sorry, is it the wrong color?”_ he hears Dan from behind him. Noah turns to see him leaning against the doorframe, the smile on his face takes Noah’s breath away. _“Dan, no. It’s too much."_

Dan comes to him, purposely standing close enough to feel his breath, _“Noah, I see you writing and hear you tapping out notes on the coffee table, the kitchen counter, the bathroom counter. Your inspiration is bottled up until you make the trek into the studio. That's not the way your music is meant to be. I know what you gave up to be here. Please, let me do this.”_ He wants to lean in and kiss Noah but he doesn’t. Dan doesn’t want him to feel this gift comes with any strings. He says softly, _“The piano is here because your music is a beautiful part of you that I love."_

Noah moves to the bench and runs his fingers across the keys and into a song he’s been working on in his head. _“It’s perfect, Daniel. How did you know what to buy?”_

Dan explains, _“Well ...I called the store to ask if they had a record player, which of course they didn’t. So, I had a record player delivered and took your album in and played it for the owner. I told him I needed whatever could make that happen."_ His eyes shift away and he looks a little embarrassed knowing as he hears his words it makes him sound just a bit crazy.

Noah stares at Dan wondering how he will ever be thankful enough for this man to have come into his life and want him. He swallows back emotions that are too close to the surface, knowing if he cries, Dan will feel guilty about such an extravagant gift and that will break Noah’s heart. _“Daniel, your kindness never ceases to amaze me."_

Dan relaxes and moves to the couch and waits for Noah to play. Looking at his soft curls and hearing his voice, he knows he loves this man. He also knows he’s not going back to his office today because, seriously, who would leave their house with Noah Reid sitting at a piano?

  
  


A few days later Dan wakes in the middle of the night and Noah is not in bed. Holding still for a minute, listening for what woke him, he hears the music coming from downstairs. Pulling on his robe, he walks to the door of the living room to see Noah sitting at the piano playing softly. The only light is the small lamp Noah has pulled close to the keyboard. His hair is wild and he’s wearing one of Dan’s white t-shirts and pajama pants. Noah looks up and smiles and Dan is sure his heart will never beat the same again. 

_“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to wake you ...I thought I was playing quietly. It’s a song coming together and I can’t get it out of my head,"_ Noah says.

 _“It’s fine, being woken by beautiful music is never something I will complain about,"_ Dan says. They watch each other across the room as Noah plays softly. Then Noah holds his hand out toward him, _“Daniel ...?”_

Dan moves to him and Noah slides the bench back and places his hand on Dan’s thigh bringing him to stand between himself and the piano. Noah presses him gently against the keyboard, hearing the soft noise from the keys, pulls his robe open, moving his eyes and hands up and down Dan’s body. Dan runs his hand through Noah’s thick hair feeling the curls wrap around his fingers.

Noah slides his fingers into the waistband of Dan’s underwear and watches his eyes carefully as he slides them down and waits. He never wants to assume that Dan wants this, Noah wants him to know he always has a choice. Dan loves him more for asking and quietly says, _“Yes”_ and they are both reminded of Noah’s first time. Noah lowers his head and moves his mouth onto his cock and Dan’s breath stops, he leans back further, more soft sounds come from the keys. Noah’s hands move around Dan to pull him further into his mouth and Dan tightens his grip on Noah’s hair. 

He sucks Dan slowly for a moment then raises his head looking at him, eyes drunk with desire, _“Daniel, use my mouth the way you need to."_ He places his hand over Dan’s in his hair and tightens his grip, keeping his eyes on Dan’s, he moves his hand inside his pants and begins to stroke himself. Dan knows he’s lost, he pulls Noah’s head down and slides his cock inside his mouth, he pauses for a moment, breathing heavily as Noah closes his eyes, he holds Noah’s head and begins to fuck his mouth. Noah’s moan sends him further into a frenzy he can’t control and Dan thrusts into his mouth hard and fast. _“Noah ... never anyone but you."_ Noah comes and his mouth tightens around Dan’s cock, a shudder runs through Dan as he comes, jerking wildly into Noah’s mouth. They hold on to each other until their shaking stops and Dan slides down onto Noah’s lap.

They finally move upstairs to the bed and when Dan curls himself around his back, Noah whispers, _“Thank you,"_ even though he knows by Dan’s breathing that he’s already asleep.

**My mom doesn’t think you made me gay**

It’s a Sunday morning in March when sitting across the table from each other at breakfast, Noah says, casually, _“My mom and dad asked us to dinner this week."_ Dan looks up and Noah continues to read the paper as if it might have slipped his mind that the last time they’d been together with Noah’s parents was at his wedding reception.

 _“Noah…,”_ Dan is hesitant

Noah lays the paper down and looks at him. _“Daniel, don’t. Do not turn this into something it’s not. They’ve known about us from the start and they are happy with it. They just want to get to know you."_

Dan sits for a moment. _“But...”_

Noah reaches across the table and puts his fingers against Dan’s lips to stop him. _“They just want to get to know you."_ He winks at Dan and walks into the living room to the piano, letting the sound of Neverending December drift through the house. 

_“Thursday evening at 7 works fine, mom. We’ll see you then."_ Noah puts his phone back in his pocket knowing Dan is standing behind him and, for a minute, he thinks he can hear his teeth actually chattering with fear.

Noah walks to him and puts his hands firmly on his shoulders. _“Daniel, part of my love for you is to protect you. I would not take you to dinner with my parents if I thought anything might happen to hurt you."_ Noah grabs his earbuds from the table and heads out for his hike, yelling over his shoulder before closing the door, _“Breathe Daniel!”_

On Thursday when Noah comes home he’s a little surprised to see Dan’s car already in the garage. He walks through the kitchen and calls out for him, _“Dan, are you home?”_

 _“Up here”_ he hears Dan reply in a muffled voice.

Noah grabs the mail from the counter and heads upstairs coming to a dead stop when he enters the bedroom. He looks around at shirts and pants strewn across the bed, and dresser, and floor. Dan comes out of the closet pulling at the bottom of his shirt, _“Hi there. What do you think about this shirt?”_

Noah takes his hand and leads him to one of the chairs by the window, _“Dan, I want you to sit here until I come back. Ok?”_

In a minute Noah is back with two glasses of whiskey and hands one to Dan as he sits down in the chair opposite him. _“Drink."_ He looks around the room and back to Dan. _“So, do you want to talk about tonight, Daniel?”_ Dan takes a drink and looks over at him in what Noah imagines people mean when they say ‘like a deer in headlights’. _“Daniel, talk to me."_

Dan takes a deep breath and drops his gaze to his knees. _“Clare was a part of your family for years, Noah. You loved her and your family loved her. She’s what they expected your life to be. I know your parents have known about us from the beginning, and we say ‘hello’ when you’re on the phone with them."_ Dan looks up at him then. _“But I’m not what they expected your life to be and it’s easier to hide the uncomfortableness of that on the phone than it is face to face."_

Noah knows why Dan feels this way and he doesn’t want to belittle those feelings. He knows if he were any other gay man they wouldn’t be having this conversation. Or rather, if Noah had always been a ‘gay’ man. He’s always been honest with Dan and he isn’t going to dance around this, so he asks, _“Dan, are you concerned they will feel differently about you because you’re the first man I’ve been with?”_

Dan doesn’t shy away from the conversation. _“Yes, among other things.”_

 _“Ok, what other things?”_ Noah asks leaning back in his chair giving Dan the time he needs.

 _"Well, things like maybe I broke up your marriage. Maybe I took advantage of you when we were filming. Maybe I made you gay."_ Dan says a bit out of control.

 _“There it is,”_ Noah says calmly.

Dan looks at him, _“What? There what is?”_

 _“You think you made me gay. You think because I’ve never been with another man, you made me something I might not have otherwise been.”_ Noah finishes his drink and moves to stand in front of Dan. He drops to the floor and moves between his legs, placing his hand on Dan’s chest, purposely over his heart. _“Daniel, I don’t think about whether I’m gay or not gay. What I know is that I felt ‘you’ the first time we met. I didn’t see or feel a gay man. I felt ‘you’. And the longer I was near you, I realized I never really felt anything other than you. I was scared and I tried to push that down and run toward what I knew was safe."_

 _“Scared of what?”_ Dan asks, almost afraid to know the answer.

Noah sighs, _“Scared of you, Daniel. Scared of what would happen if I came to you and you didn’t want me.”_ He looks directly into Dan’s eyes, _“If I came to you and you didn’t want me, I knew I wouldn’t exist.”_

Dan brings Noah’s mouth to him and kisses him softly, then pulls back to look at him, _“Then it seems we only exist together. I love you."_

Noah holds his gaze, _“I love you. And my parents will love you because when they look at me they will see I am who I want to be."_ Noah begins to unbutton Dan’s pants before he even realizes it. God, he will never get enough of this man in front of him.

 _“Noah, really, you don’t have to do that.”_ Dan laughs lightly, _“I’ve stepped back from the ledge ...I’m calm.”_

Noah continues to unzip Dan’s pants and moves his hand under him to slide them off. Dan isn’t quite hard and the sight of his cock laying softly against his stomach makes Noah want him immediately. He presses his face to Dan’s groin and breathes in his scent rubbing his lips across Dan’s cock and the soft skin around it.

Dan’s hands run through his hair and he feels himself harden. _“Fuck, Noah …”_ Noah takes Dan into his mouth and begins the slow pull he knows will send shivers through him. He puts his hands on Dan’s hips and pulls him further down into the chair and slides his finger in and presses it against his hole. Noah holds it there while he moves into a sucking rhythm on his cock. _“God…”_ Dan moans and pulls urgently through his hair but Noah doesn’t stop. He moves up and down Dan’s cock just slow enough that he knows he can keep his orgasm on the edge of coming. 

He moves like this, holding his finger pressed to Dan until he feels him begin to shake. Noah knows Dan is barely holding on, he gently presses his finger barely inside and sucks firmly up on his cock. There is no lube so his finger moving creates a friction that causes Dan to jerk and his muscles contract. He comes inside Noah’s mouth jerking uncontrollably, moving back and forth against the chair.

Noah has no idea how much time passes before Dan stops jerking and he gently moves his finger. He goes to the bathroom to wash and get a towel and when he sees his face in the mirror, how wrecked he is, it makes him smile. Dan’s eyes look glazed as he watches Noah dry him off. He looks back at him, _“Daniel, when I come to you, I come willingly. I take you willingly. I give myself willingly. What you have ‘made’ me is happy."_ He leans up and kisses Dan softly and walks to the shower.

He turns when he hears the shower door open. Neither of them speak, Dan steps in and drops to his knees on the shower mat in front of him and takes him into his mouth, nuzzling him until he’s hard. Noah leans back against the wall, holding on to whatever he can grasp. He feels the water streaming down his body and Dan’s warmth around his cock sucking in and out. He looks down at Dan’s wet hair falling around his face, Noah knows they’re both a little scared of how much they need each other, how much they love each other. He closes his eyes and lets Dan take him where only he can.

Noah is smiling at the smile on Dan’s face in the car on the way back from dinner. Feeling a little cocky, he says, _“So, when my mom was talking with you alone on the patio, did she ask you how long it took you to make me gay?”_

 _“Noah Reid, not even your warped sense of sarcastic humor will spoil what I feel right now,"_ Dan says with a broad smile on his face. _“And when we get home, I’m going to make love to you in so many positions that you will beg me to make you gay.”_

Heat races through Noah’s body and he reaches over for Dan then hears the honking of a car. And Dan says, a little cocky, _“By the way, that light’s been green forever.”_

Noah barely has his jacket and shoes off in the kitchen when he feels Dan’s hand around him from behind, unfastening his belt and jeans, sliding his hands down and around Noah, holding him tightly. Noah groans, holding on to the table. Dan steps around to face him, pulls his jeans and underwear down and moves him down into one of the kitchen chairs. He pulls Noah’s pants and underwear the rest of the way off and does the same with his shirt, until he is completely naked in front of him. With no hesitation, Dan drops to his knees in front of him and sucks him in deeply, pulling hard on him as he moves up, Noah gasps and pushes himself back into the chair. When Noah starts to move faster into him, Dan moves up and kisses him, pushing his tongue in deeply. Dan stands and takes his clothes off, watching Noah’s eyes, he straddles Noah and pulls his mouth on to him, moving back and forth into him, slowly, until they’re both groaning and grasping at each other, then he stops suddenly and pulls himself out. Noah knows Dan is making sure neither of them come, it’s making him wild with need.

Dan steps back, leans down and kisses him deeply again, biting his lower lip gently, he whispers _“Upstairs."_ He pulls Noah up from the chair to the bedroom, pressing him down across the bed on his back then walks to the other side. Dan moves on top of him, pushing his cock forward as Noah opens his mouth to take him. Dan stretches out on top of him, taking Noah in his mouth at the same time. Holding his weight up, he begins to move back and forth inside Noah’s mouth while sucking his cock. Noah moans, his hands are moving frantically across Dan and his body is writhing, arching up to him. Dan knows the sensation Noah feels is intense, to have Dan in his mouth at the same time Dan is sucking him in, it takes only a moment before he comes. He arches up and Dan takes him fully, sucking him in at the same time Noah wraps his arms around Dan, pulling him down into his mouth. Dan thrusts firmly in and feels the back of his throat, he comes hard, feeling Noah swallow around him.

When their orgasms stop, Dan moves gently off of Noah and lays against his leg, they relax, falling asleep almost instantly.

  
  


The next morning the buzzing of Noah’s phone wakes them early and he pulls it from the nightstand. _“Hi mom, yeah, dinner was nice, thank you for everything.”_ Noah rolls to his side, watching Dan. He smiles and moves his hand onto Dan through his pants, rubbing slowly up him, _“Yes, I think Daniel had a very nice time.”_ Dan grabs his hand, holding him still, an ‘I can’t believe you’ look playing across his face. Noah smiles, tightening his hand around Dan, feeling him get hard, _“I think he’d love to come again, soon possibly.”_ Noah rubs his thumb across the tip of Dan’s cock through his pants, feeling Dan’s hand loosen a bit. _“Not sure about the day yet but I think Daniel has something planned for this morning.”_ Dan moves his hand away and Noah rubs up and down him firmly now, _“I’ll be sure to tell him, love you mom.”_ He hangs up the phone and slides his hand into Dan’s pants, moving over him, watching his eyes. Noah tosses his phone back on the nightstand and grins, _“My mom said she’s very happy you came ...so am I.”_

_“Jesus, Noah ...take me in your mouth and make me come”_ Dan breathes heavily, pushing his pants down. Noah’s eyes go wide, he moves urgently onto Dan, taking him in. After a moment, Dan pulls him up, _“Turn around Noah ...I want you in my mouth at the same time.”_ Noah turns, lowering himself till his cock touches Dan’s tongue, moaning loudly, he thrusts into him and stretches out to take Dan in his mouth, sucking him aggressively as he thrusts into Dan. 

Noah comes, pushing over and over into Dan’s mouth, his mouth tightens around Dan causing him to thrust up instinctively, harder into him as he comes. They hold on to each other, jerking wildly into the other’s mouth, moaning, pulling each other further in until their orgasms stop. Noah finally rolls to his side, smiling as he looks across the bed at Dan. _“Daniel, that ...the feeling in that position, God ...I can’t describe it.”_ He rubs his hand up Dan’s leg. _“Is it that way for you?”_ He asks.

 _“It is ...very much,”_ Dan says, feeling Noah’s body, warm against him.

Noah lays back, thinking, _“Have you done that position ...I mean in the past?”_

 _“Are you asking about my sex life before you? Is that something you really want to talk about?”_ Dan is quiet, waiting to see where Noah is taking the conversation. Knowing he will answer honestly if Noah asks.

 _“Not about people, I don’t care about that,”_ Noah is quick to answer.

 _“Ok ...then about what?”_ Dan is still, he understands this is all new for Noah. _“You can ask me whatever you want to know, Noah.”_

 _“Positions. Feeling you in different positions…,”_ Noah trails off. _“I assume there are positions, other things we haven’t tried.”_

 _“There are ...and we can try any of them you’re comfortable with ...when you’re ready.”_ Dan answers honestly, not knowing if Noah is asking because he’s ready, or just curious. When Dan was still in his teens and realized his sexual preference, he’d looked things up online, experimenting a little, definitely curious. He didn’t actually experience sex with a man until he was well out of his teens. He knows Noah’s relationship with him has always been about love, he smiles thinking Noah wouldn’t have wanted to see random male sexual positions online. 

Dan remains where he is, knowing Noah is a little embarrassed at the intimacy of what he wants to ask and their laying in opposite directions might make it easier to talk. _“Would you like me to describe some of the things we haven’t tried?_ ” Dan asks softly, feeling his heartbeat quicken.

Noah’s hand goes still on his leg, and he whispers _“Yes."_

For the next hour or so they talk, Dan describes sexual positions in detail, what each of them might do and what they might feel, he describes products they can use with each other, and how to use them. He’s honest with Noah about what he’s tried, what he enjoyed and what he did not. Noah asks questions, making Dan blush at times. 

They’ve been quiet for a bit when Noah sits up and looks at Dan, he rubs his hand up his chest and into his hair, laying his body against him. _“Daniel, am I the first man you’ve been with who’s never done ...who’s never been with another man?”_

 _“Yes,”_ Dan answers honestly, not knowing how that will make Noah feel.

Noah is quiet again. _“Does it frustrate you? Waiting for me to ...to be ready ...like that?”_

Dan raises up and looks at him, _“No, Noah ...it does not ...it takes my breath away. Your first night here, when I told you I will never go further than you want, I meant that. I want you, believe me, I want you in every way, but there are more ways to make love than just that. Noah, I’m just as nervous about being your first, we’ll both know when we’re ready.”_

Noah traces his hand along Dan’s collarbone and up to his neck, pulling him down, kissing him deeply. _“I trust you. When I ask you to take me, I will trust you completely.”_ They lay together, neither talking, both thinking about exactly what it will feel like when the time is right.

  
  


**February - out!**

_“It’s not a subtle statement we’ll be making, Noah. People already know I’m gay ...the attention will be on you,”_ Dan says a little nervously. _“The story, the talk, the gossip will be about you ...coming out. Your split with Clare wasn’t covered here like it was in Toronto ...this, with me, will be news here. I don’t want you to be hurt.”_

 _“Daniel, the people who matter already know, the rest will never matter. I’m ready. We’ve talked about this, it’s best if we take control of what happens,”_ Noah says. Dan is struck again at how incredibly sexy Noah’s confidence is. 

_“Ok then, I’ll make reservations today,”_ Dan says knowing the week before Valentine's Day might be a little hard to get into any place that serves more than pizza.

 _“Actually, I’ve already made reservations if you’re ok with my choice,”_ Noah says.

Dan gives him a look of honest surprise, _“What? You made reservations already? How could you know we’d want to do this?”_

Noah shrugs, _“It’s just a reservation. I could easily have cancelled if we weren’t ready. But, Daniel, I feel really ready.”_

 _“Me too, Noah. I love you,”_ Dan says, there’s no more nervousness. He wants so much to protect Noah from what he’s experienced himself in the media, and people he thought were friends, he knows they will do that together.

  
  


**8:00 pm - it started with dessert**

_“God, Noah ...maybe you should wear a suit every day. Very hot.”_ Dan says and licks his lips to drive the point home.

Noah leans against the doorway of their bedroom letting his eyes move up and down Dan. _“Daniel, do you want a blowjob before we go?”_

Dan can’t speak, he calculates the timing in his head. This is a very nice restaurant and they won’t hold a reservation. Their reservation is in 30 minutes. He closes his eyes and shakes his head ‘no’.

 _“No?”_ Noah says moving close to him. _“Then think twice before teasing me with how ‘very hot’ I look."_ Noah kisses him on the cheek and heads down the stairs and calls out, _“Tick tock, Dan!”_

Noah drives so that Dan can focus on getting rid of his erection before they reach the restaurant. He feels Dan fidgeting in his seat and reaches across to take his hand. _“I’m glad we’re doing this tonight, Daniel,”_ he says softly.

 _“Me too. Noah, you picked a very romantic restaurant, on a very romantic night. You do realize there will be media there taking pictures of any and everyone, right?”_ Dan says and Noah hears the protectiveness in his voice. He knows he needs to lighten the mood or Dan won’t make it to dessert.

 _“I know, Daniel. Go big or go home,”_ he winks at Dan, feeling a little better at the small laugh he gets in return. He hands the keys over to the valet and they head inside. Noah thinks he sees a flash but he can never tell in L.A. if it’s media or tourists. Or tourists who think they’re media. 

Once they’re seated Dan looks around at their location. _“Did you purposely ask them to give us a table in the very middle of the restaurant, Noah?”_

Noah looks around realizing they are fish in a bowl. _“Nope. But I did order two bottles of your favorite wine so that should help.”_ And God, the smile on Dan’s face makes his heart stop. 

By the end of the first bottle they’re leaning across the table towards each other talking and laughing and it’s the most natural thing in the world when their hands meet. Noah glances down the back at Dan. He doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable in public. Dan looks back at him and softly says, _“Yes."_ Noah has no idea if Dan intended it, but he thinks about the first time he felt Dan’s mouth on him, waiting for him to say ‘yes’. He moves his chair a little closer to the table hoping no one can see his erection. God, he really is pathetic.

While they’re waiting on dessert, someone places a hand on Dan’s shoulder and says _“We thought that was you, how are you?”_ the tall redhead leans in kissing Dan on the cheek, glancing over at Noah.

Dan looks up but his face remains relaxed as he greets them, _“Oh ...hi, Cheryl, hi Greg.”_ And he extends his hand to shake the man’s hand. _“I’m fantastic actually, it’s really good to see you.”_ Then he looks calmly over at Noah and says, _“This is Noah Reid."_

Noah shakes the man’s hand and the woman says, _“Oh yes, Dan ..I know who this is.”_ He’s taken by surprise when she says, _“I listen to your music on my walks, Noah. You have a very beautiful way with words."_

They talk a minute about what Noah is working on in L.A., how Dan is feeling about the direction of his show. Then Cheryl leans down and kisses Dan on the cheek again, _“See you around the office, have a beautiful evening.”_ Then, looking over at Noah she says, _“I think meeting you might be the highlight of my night, Noah.”_ And she winks at Dan as she takes her husband’s hand and they move through the restaurant towards the door.

Noah waits for Dan’s reaction and there is none. _“Daniel, are you ok with that? With them obviously knowing we’re ‘together?”_

Dan looks around the restaurant and smiles when he says, _“Noah, everyone here knows we’re ‘together’._ _Cheryl and Greg just happen to know my name. And yours apparently. All good.”_ It’s then that Noah looks around and sees glances from a few people and thinks to himself 'everyone knows your name Dan Levy'. 

Noah relaxes and they fall back into the comfort of each other. Dessert arrives and they ‘discuss’ who should have the last bite. Noah feels pretty confident he’ll fight him for it when Dan picks up the spoon of dessert and holds it across the table to Noah’s mouth. He thinks it’s without a doubt the sexiest thing Dan has ever done, Noah smiles directly into his eyes as he wraps his mouth around the spoon pulling off every last bite.

 _“Noah, let's go home,”_ Dan whispers.

Outside waiting for the car Dan wraps his hand and around Noah’s and weaves their fingers together. Noah sees the flash and looks over at Dan. _“All good,”_ Dan says. On the ride home, Dan is quiet, listening to Noah hum (which Dan isn’t sure he realizes he does) and he thinks about how he will always remember tonight as Noah letting the world know he’s in a relationship with Dan Levy. 

Once home, Noah closes the door behind them and grabs Dan’s hand spinning him around to face him. They come together immediately and Noah pushes Dan back against the wall. Their kiss deepens and Noah pulls Dan’s hips forward urgently. They stumble to the kitchen and Noah presses him against the table to steady them. He breaks away and pulls Dan’s jacket off his shoulders and lays it in the chair. He pulls Dan’s tie loose and he tosses it on top of the jacket. He begins at Dan’s top button and works his way down pulling the shirt from his pants, pushing it off his shoulders, moving to his pants and underwear, pushing them down and nudging Dan’s leg to step out of them. He takes a step back to look at him. _“Daniel, you’re so fucking beautiful it takes my breath away."_ The want in his eyes makes Dan weak but tonight he wants to stay in control. Tonight he wants to give until Noah begs him to stop.

Dan pulls him into a kiss that’s rough and demanding, pushing Noah’s hands behind him, letting him know tonight he is in control. He removes Noah’s jacket, thankful that he rarely wears a tie, he moves quickly to the buttons pulling Noah’s shirt off, letting it drop to the floor. He turns them so that Noah is leaning against the kitchen table, moving the zipper down on his pants he slides his hands inside Noah’s underwear, pushing his underwear and pants to the floor and off. Dan slides his hand up the inside of Noah’s thigh until he’s able to press his thumb at the base of his balls making Noah jerk involuntarily. He steps back to look at Noah, both standing completely naked, Dan lays his body against him and moves his leg between Noah’s so that his thigh rubs against his cock, eliciting a deep moan from him. Dan picks up his tie and brings Noah’s hands together in back, watching his eyes darken as he ties Noah’s hands together, pushing him further back onto the kitchen table. Dan whispers, _“Trust me,”_ and kneels in front of him and lowers his mouth onto Noah’s cock, moving up and down, hard and fast on him, pulling his hips firmly into him. 

Noah gasps, feeling himself stretched back and his cock extended out into Dan’s mouth shakes him and the inability to use his hands to hold on to Dan makes him feel weak and he lunges forward for more. The more he thrusts the more Dan takes him in. Dan moves him back further, onto the table, and spreads his legs apart, Noah lays his head back and closes his eyes as Dan’s mouth takes him with an intensity that makes his senses swirl. Nothing about Dan’s mouth is soft or slow, it is demanding, taking Noah over and over.

Dan stops and is barely able to breathe when he says, _“Noah, I want to watch you come so that I see every expression of pleasure on your face and every move your body makes."_ He moves to the side of the table and begins moving his hands across Noah’s body, finally wrapping his hand around his cock, starting a methodical rhythm up and down on him as he strokes himself. Noah’s body shakes and he aches from the need to feel Dan. 

Finally, Noah opens his eyes and looks directly at him, _“Daniel take me further tonight."_ Dan’s hand stops abruptly and he watches Noah’s eyes. He knows what Noah is asking. He’s been very open lately asking Dan to tell him exactly how it will feel when they fuck. He pulls Noah up from the table and unties his hands and looks at him silently. And then, Noah whispers, _“Yes,”_ and all of Dan’s hesitation disappears. 

He takes Noah’s hand and leads him to the bedroom and down on to the bed on his back. They’ve talked about positions but Dan wants their first time to be facing each other so he can see Noah’s face, and so Noah can see how much he loves him. Dan reaches into the nightstand for a condom and lube and lays them on the bed next to Noah. He walks to the foot of the bed and spreads Noah’s legs apart and moves between them. Dan sees the slightest shake in Noah’s hands and reaches out gently to hold them. _“Noah, I will never go further than you want. One word from you and I will stop."_ Noah calms, and Dan gently pulls him up slightly onto his thighs, pushing his knees back so he is spread apart, never taking his eyes off of Noah’s. Noah’s hands grasp the sheet tightly, his breathing is quick and his cock is throbbing. Dan knows he will come quickly and he smiles at the thought of that as he rolls the condom down his own throbbing cock. 

Dan squeezes the lube onto his fingers and begins to softly rub in a circle around Noah’s hole. He feels Noah relax and then contract as he presses one finger in. Noah gasps, his eyes are dark and wide as he watches Dan’s face. 

Noah feels the pressure of Dan’s finger slip into him and he can’t take his eyes off of him. He trusts Dan, knowing tonight he wants to feel every part of him, tonight he wants to feel Dan moving inside him. Dan presses another finger inside him and begins sliding in and out, feeling the shudder in Noah’s body, he whispers, _“We will go slowly, Noah."_ The sensation Noah feels rocks him to the core and his hips jerk, Dan slows, knowing he needs to move slowly for them to come together. He presses in a third finger and places his hand on Noah’s chest as he moves his fingers in and out, again and again, slowly, watching for any expression from Noah that he might want him to stop. 

Noah feels himself loosen and he moves his hips to match Dan’s motions. He can barely breathe, his voice shaking, when he says, _“Daniel ..bring me there, please."_ Dan pulls his fingers out and guides the tip of his cock to him, he looks at Noah and presses in, stopping just long enough to see the heat flash through his eyes. He slowly pushes fully in and the moan that comes from Noah is primal, his eyes close and his breathing slows. Dan holds himself there letting him adjust to the feeling, knowing Noah is spiraling too soon, he whispers, _“Noah ..open your eyes, look at me."_

Noah finally locks on to Dan’s eyes and feels him begin to move inside him slowly, in and out. Dan pushes firmly into him, hearing Noah groan each time he slides in, his head thrown back into the pillow as he arches up toward Dan. And each time, Dan stills for a second to feel himself deep inside Noah, before pulling slowly out and back in again. Feeling Noah writhing, out of control, against him makes his head spin with desire. He’s never felt like this, taking Noah for the first time. He moves his hand to Noah’s cock and strokes him to the same rhythm he’s moving in and out of him. Slow and steady, pulling Noah to an orgasm that Dan will ensure happens at the same time as his.

Noah knows what Dan wants and he can’t hold himself any longer. He wraps his hand and around Dan’s and whispers, _“Daniel...."_ Dan presses his cock hard into Noah and calls out his name, he comes at the same time he feels Noah jerking in his hand and the warmth of his cum runs across their fingers. Noah’s head falls back into the pillow, barely able to breathe, he tightens around Dan’s cock and his legs wrap around his waist, pulling him in. Noah can hear his own voice but has no idea what he’s saying, he blindly reaches up for Dan who takes his hand, holding him as he continues to shake, and he leans in and whispers, _“I love you."_

Their orgasms stop and Dan slowly pulls himself out of Noah, eliciting another moan from him that makes Dan smile. He moves to the bathroom to wash and grab a towel. As he turns to move back to the bed, he looks at Noah lying there, his body naked and wet, his eyes closed. God how he loves him. Dan wipes them both dry and they lay silently against each other listening to the other breathe. Finally Dan asks, low and softly, _“Noah, are you ok? Your first time ...I ...I didn’t want to hurt you.”_ Noah reaches for Dan’s hand and pulls it to his chest, thinking about how to tell him what he feels, he doesn’t look at him, afraid that he won’t be able to say the words.

_“Daniel, I knew when I made love, my body should feel desire and my heart fill with love, and I’ve had that. But I thought that somehow I’d feel it in my soul, that I would feel whole with that person. I’ve never known that until you ...when you touch me. Feeling you inside me took away everything I’ve known and filled places inside me the way I always thought it should. I love you...I feel you in my soul."_

Dan turns his head to look at Noah’s silhouette in the dim light. _“I love you, Noah Reid. Happy Valentine’s Day."_ He can see the smile on Noah’s face as they relax and sleep overtakes them.

Dan chokes on his coffee the next morning when Noah says, matter of factly, _“So, Daniel ...what about the other positions?”_ Smiling openly at him like a kid in a candy store. 

  
  


Of course the papers and social media have pictures of them, touching hands across the table, leaning in close together in an intimate laugh, fingers entwined outside waiting for the car. Neither of them have actually seen the pictures, or read the headlines, but when both of their phones buzzed across the kitchen counter at the same time ...they knew. And Dan imagines, ‘coming out’ is the headline.

Noah grabs both phones pushing Dan’s to him across the kitchen table. Their hands meet and Noah winks, _“Quite a table you have here, Dan Levy."_ Dan turns the lightest shade of pink as he and Noah carry their phones off to different rooms to answer, honestly, whatever questions people feel the need to ask. They’re a little surprised to find it’s mostly close friends and family sending their love and saying good luck. And friends who simply said _“It’s about time."_ They’ll read the paper and social media later. Or, maybe not. In the afternoon they drive down and walk along the beach letting small waves wash across their feet. Dan stares out at the sunset and Noah wraps his arms around him from behind. Neither of them speak.

In bed that night, Noah kisses Dan deeply and moves his hand firmly up his cock, then reaches into the nightstand taking out a condom and the lube laying them next to him. He tucks his fingers into Dan’s underwear and slides them off, knowing they both had an erection before they’d finished brushing their teeth.

Noah takes off his underwear and rolls the condom down onto his cock while Dan watches, he can hear the change in Dan’s breathing. He looks at him and simply says, _“I want to feel myself inside you, Daniel ...show me how."_ Dan moves to him and straddles his chest, knowing he will never say ‘no’ to anything Noah wants. Their trust in each other is shared.

Noah squeezes lube into his hand and strokes the length of Dan’s cock feeling the warmth spread through his body. Dan reaches down and moves his hand further back, pressing Noah’s fingers to his hole, he groans and leans forward placing his hand on the bed next to him. Noah’s fingers circle Dan’s hole feeling him contract then relax and his legs tighten against Noah’s sides. Noah presses his finger in and immediately feels the contraction and sees Dan’s eyes widened just a bit. Noah waits then presses in another finger and begins moving in and out, watching Dan, he whispers _“Like this?”_ Dan moans and nods, knowing he can’t speak. Noah’s cock is throbbing and he can feel himself getting wet inside the condom. He presses another finger inside Dan and pushes in as far as possible before moving in and out, watching the pleasure move across Dan’s face.

 _“Daniel...take me inside you,”_ Noah breathes. Dan moves back, covers Noah in lube, and they both gasp sharply as Noah guides his cock inside. Noah’s breath catches when he feels the tightness and warmth of Dan surrounding him, he thrusts up, groaning out, _“Oh my God.”_ He slides his hands to Dan’s hips and presses himself further into him, moaning deeply as Dan begins his rhythm, moving up and down on him. Dan places his hand on his cock and Noah moves it away gently, watching his face, whispering, _“Let me."_

They move slowly together, in and out, taking each other close to the edge then backing off, wanting to make this feeling last forever. Noah feels a tear run down the side of his face and Dan brushes it away. _“Noah?”_

_“It’s ok,"_ Noah whispers, seeing the confusion on Dan’s face. _“It’s never been like this."_ Noah moves faster in and out of Dan knowing he is about to come, he arches up, groaning _“Daniel...”_ Dan’s body jerks forward and he feels his orgasm come. Noah comes into Dan intensely, thrusting again and again as he tries to hold his focus, feeling the warmth of Dan’s cum on his stomach and Dan contracting around him. He raises up, sitting so that Dan’s legs are wrapped around him, thrusting deep within him one final time, _“My God ...being inside you.”_ They cling to each other, Noah lays his head on Dan’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

When their breathing slows, Noah pulls himself gently out, bringing a moan from both of them. He pulls the condom off and reaches for the towel on the nightstand, gently wiping them dry. Holding Dan to him, he whispers, _“This is what I thought my soul would feel like. I’m in love with you, Daniel Levy."_

  
  


**Say what you want**

Later in the week, Dan comes down to the kitchen in his robe, still wet from the shower, needing coffee badly but mostly looking for Noah. He leans against the counter savoring how strong it is and smiles at Noah, _“You really do make better coffee than me.”_

Noah, who has already showered and had coffee, watches Dan for a minute, moving a bit closer. _“Daniel, do you have anything on under your robe?”_

Dan tilts his head just a bit, sets his cup down and loosens the belt on his robe, _“Come and see.”_

Noah walks to him slowly, he slides his hand into Dan’s robe and finds nothing keeping his hand from touching his warm body. He pushes the robe open to see Dan is naked, his skin moist from the shower, his cock is already hard. Noah takes his wrist and pulls him to the kitchen table, gently pushing him back. _”Sit,”_ Noah’s voice is urgent.

He slides a chair in front of Dan and sits down, he pushes his robe open, rubs his hand up him and lowers his head to Dan’s crotch, sucking him in. Dan runs his finger through Noah’s hair, pulling him forward more, wild at the thought that he’s sitting on his kitchen table while Noah is sucking him. Noah spreads his legs and moves further into him, pulling him forward by his hips as Dan leans back on his elbows. Noah moves to the tip of his cock, _“God you smell good.”_ In this position, Noah can steadily move deeply over and over onto Dan and the sensation of it drives them both over the edge. Dan jerks into him, coming over and over. 

When his orgasm stops, he raises up, still aroused at the thought of where they are. _“Noah, there are condoms in the cabinet.”_ Noah finds the condoms and comes back to the table, taking his clothes off, knowing what they both want. He sits in the chair again, looking at Dan while he rolls the condom down and rubs oil on himself, _“Come down here.”_ Dan straddles him, and leans down onto his shoulder, gasping when Noah presses two fingers into him and moves them up slowly. Dan throws his head back and groans as he presses in a third finger, moving in and out quickly. 

Noah moves his fingers and pulls Dan down ...guiding himself into him, groaning loudly as Dan lets his weight fall so that he’s fully wrapped around him. Noah tries to pump up into him but he can’t move, being held tightly so far inside Dan is exquisite, both of them losing their breath from the feel of it. They groan when Dan moves up and off Noah, sliding back onto the table and pulling Noah out of the chair. Dan lays back across the table, bringing himself to the edge. Noah wraps Dan’s legs around him and drives into him, holding his hips as he thrusts, wild with need. Dan spreads his arms out across the table, feeling himself move back and forth across it as Noah thrusts into him over and over, until he pushes in deeply and groans loudly as he comes. 

Their bodies relax and Noah pulls out of Dan and falls into the chair, exhausted. Watching Dan’s body, sprawled across the table he thinks how beautiful he looks. Noah stands and takes his hand, pulling him up to kiss him, moving his mouth to bite along his collarbone, he whispers, _“We are never getting rid of this table.”_

Dan laughs and wraps his arms around Noah’s neck, _“Feel like taking another shower?”_

  
  


They’re finally ready and heading out of the house when Dan looks at him before getting in his car. _“Want to meet for lunch today ...at home?”_

 _“12:30,”_ Noah winks at him before backing out of the garage.

It’s 12:45 when Dan lays across the kitchen table and Noah unzips his pants, moving his underwear down around his already hard cock. _“Daniel, what is going on with you lately ...I’ve never seen you this Goddamn horny,”_ Noah is already running his tongue up Dan’s cock.

Dan moves his hands back to hold on to the edge of the table. _“I just ...we don’t have to do this if you’re not in the mood.”_

Noah moves his mouth for a second and looks up at him, _“Oh, I’m good ...I’m definitely in the mood.”_ He moves his mouth back down onto Dan, not even bothering to pull his pants down. He slows a bit and looks at Dan again. He wraps his hand around Dan’s cock and strokes him slowly, _“Daniel, is there something going on? Are you ok.”_

Dan’s face is flushed and he stares up at the ceiling, his eyes close, moving into Noah’s hand. _“Noah, since we ...well, since we made love, I can’t get the feel of you out of my head. I want you all the time.”_

Noah watches him, thinking for a minute, he leans in closer to Dan as he strokes him. _“We’ve made love hundreds of times. What-”_ Then he sees the flush in Dan’s face and he realizes. _“Daniel, you mean when we ‘fucked’ ...right? That’s what you’re talking about ...when we finally fucked each other.”_ Noah smiles, slowing his strokes, waiting for Dan to answer. 

_“Yes,”_ Dan whispers as his body jerks.

 _“I see...,”_ Noah says softly. _“It’s pretty much all I think about too. The feel of moving inside you, and you moving in and out of me. Daniel, there’s a difference between just making love to you and ‘that’. Does it bother you to say that we fucked?”_

Dan shakes his head ‘no’ and then says so low that Noah can barely hear him, _“Hearing you say that ...it makes me want you ...it makes me want to fuck you.”_ Dan groans and Noah takes him in his mouth again as he comes, quicker than usual. Noah grabs a kitchen towel and wipes him dry, pulls his underwear up and zips his pants. He pulls Dan up and into his arms, holding him tightly, pressing his face into his neck as Dan lays his head against Noah’s shoulder. They stay like that for a long while.

Noah finally pulls back and Dan rubs his thumb across his swollen lips. Noah smiles at him, _“Could you stay home the rest of the afternoon? Work from here and we can relax?”_ Dan smiles, nodding his head ‘yes’. They both feel the need to be close right now and neither questions it. 

  
  


Before the light of morning comes through the curtains, Noah wakes Dan, moving his hands over him, whispering to him, _“I want you, Daniel.”_ Kissing across his back, _“To make love to you, I want to fuck you.”_

Dan’s eyes open slowly and Noah can see the desire in them when he whispers, _“Yes."_

Noah groans when Dan moves onto his stomach and spreads his legs apart. He’s never taken Dan like this and he’s aching as he kneels between his legs. Noah covers his hands in oil and massages his back in long strokes, moving firmly up and down him, letting him come fully awake. He moves his hands down between Dan’s legs, to the inside of his thighs and up in front of him, stroking his cock, smiling when Dan moans. He motions Dan to raise up a bit and places a pillow under him. Noah continues to massage down his back, he moves his hands up to spread Dan further apart, then continues up to his back again. Dan grips the cover as Noah leans into him, pressing his cock firmly against Dan’s balls, moving back and forth. 

_“Noah ...please,”_ Dan’s voice is barely above a whisper.

 _“Please what, Daniel? What do you want ...tell me,”_ Noah moves his hands to spread Dan further, gently rubbing his thumb down him, feeling his body shiver.

Dan’s voice catches, _“Noah ...I want you. Make love to me”_

Noah is reminded of their conversation this morning, as Dan lay across the table blushing at their words. He leans down and whispers in his ear, rubbing his hand into his thighs and up. _“I wonder, Daniel ...do you want me to just make love to you? Or do you want me to fuck you?_ He bites along Dan’s shoulder feeling him shudder.

Dan shivers again at Noah’s words, he can’t control himself and he presses harder up into Noah. _“Jesus, Noah ...fuck me._

Noah spreads Dan further and rubs his cock against him, slick with oil. He raises up on his knees, takes a condom from the nightstand and rolls it down, he spreads Dan and pushes in gently, both of them moaning low. Noah wraps his hands around Dan’s hips and pulls him back against him and Dan presses his face to the bed. _I don’t want to hurt you ...this morning, if you’re tender tell me. Daniel?”_

 _“Soft ...fuck me slow and soft,”_ Daniel breathes out.

Noah holds Dan's hips and begins long slow strokes in and out, moving gently against him, pulling out and hearing Dan gasp slightly each time he slowly pushes back in. He whispers, _“Feeling you around me makes me crazy ..I love you”_ and slides inside slowly, leaning forward to wrap his hand around Dan’s cock. _“I want to feel you come when I come inside you.”_

Noah moves in and out of Dan slowly, he knows neither of them will last much longer. _“Tell me when you’re ready.”_

Dan pulls his legs up, opening himself more, he’s throbbing into Noah’s hand. _“Now, Noah …”_ he feels himself come in Noah’s hand, arching back, he cries out. Noah thrusts in and holds himself there as he comes, jerking uncontrollably into Dan, holding him tightly. 

When their orgasms stop, Noah falls back across the bed, exhausted, sweaty, satiated. Dan pulls him close and gently wipes his body dry.

 _“Daniel?’_ Noah says tiredly.

 _“Yes?”_ Daniel replies, sounding much the same.

 _“I don’t want to scare you, but whether we are making love or fucking, I’m afraid I will never be able to get enough of you."_ Noah says as he drifts off to sleep.

Dan smiles, thinking back to Noah’s first night there, touching gently, telling him honestly what he wanted. He had known then that Noah would be just as honest in bed, asking for what he wanted and needing Dan to do the same, he isn’t scared anymore. It’s something Dan has never known with anyone else ...no one has ever asked him what he wanted, especially not in bed. It’s the sexiest thing he’s ever experienced, he pulls Noah close, wanting him again, knowing they’re both too exhausted. He can’t remember ever having sex as many times in a day as he does with Noah. Maybe they will wake early... 

They do not wake early the next morning, they wake exhausted and nuzzle into each other, not wanting to get out of bed. Dan thinks about last night, the intimate things they said, and asked for. _“Noah, does it excite you to hear me say things ….when we’re in bed? Is that why you ask me things like that?”_

Noah is gently running his fingers through Dan’s hair at the base of his neck, _“It does excite me, very much ...but that’s not really why I ask. Does it make you uncomfortable?”_

Dan can feel himself blush, _“Not ‘uncomfortable’ ...just, it makes me a little crazy, out of control. Then, why do you do it?”_

Noah raises up to look at him, _“Daniel, when we touch each other I always feel out of control ...I don’t want to assume you want the same things I want ...in anything. I need you to be able to ask for what you want and tell me what you don’t want.”_ Noah leans in to kiss him, whispering across his lips, _“I feel like if we trust each other enough to do that in bed, then we’ll be able to do it in everything between us.”_

 _“And do you ask for what you want with me? In and out of bed?”_ Dan keeps his eyes on Noah, looking for the honesty he knows will come.

 _“Everytime I touch you, or pull you in, when I move my hands across you, I’m asking you to love me. And you do ...you love me with all of yourself.”_ Noah leans down and kisses along Dan’s jawline, down into his neck. _“I ask you to let me into your life, and you do. I ask for all of you and you give yourself to me.”_ Noah wraps himself around Dan, pulling them together. _“I wasted a lot of time not asking for what I want ...I won’t do that again. But I don’t need you to do that in bed to know you want me ..it has no bearing on how I feel when we make love and I won’t do it if you ask me not to.”_

 _“I want you to,”_ Dan whispers. Gathering his courage, he looks directly at Noah, _“I want to be able to tell you when I want to feel you inside me and when I want to be inside you. I want to tell you when I want you so badly I can’t breathe or when I just need you to hold me. I’ve never had this kind of honesty with anyone. It’s about more than sex, I know that.”_

Noah feels his breathing slow, he rubs his thumb across Dan’s lips, and kisses him lightly. _“Then we will always be this way, asking for what we want, trusting each other.”_ Noah holds him close, moving into his neck, letting the scent of his body fill him. _“Can we sleep a little longer? Fucking you is very tiring,”_ he murmurs into Dan’s neck, biting playfully down his collarbone.

Dan smacks Noah’s ass and smiles, _“Yes, we can do that.”_ He runs his fingers through Noah’s hair as they relax into each other. 

  
  


**March - the house payment**

Their serious conversations always take place in the kitchen, facing each other across the breakfast table. They’ve agreed the inability to touch each other makes it neutral territory, they’re very aware of how much they touch each other. Although lately neither of them are sure the table is still neutral territory. Sometimes just a glance between them and they both blush just a bit ….remembering.

However, this morning Noah is determined. _“Daniel, I need to start contributing financially,”_ he says, pouring more coffee for both of them.

 _“Why?”_ Dan asks, genuinely confused.

Noah stares at him, _“I’m not a house-boy you’ve taken in who can’t take care of himself."_

 _“Noah, believe me, as sexy as that sounds, I in no way think of you as a house-boy. Have I made you feel that way?”_ Dan has no idea where this conversation came from, or where it’s going.

 _“No, you haven’t...I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. It’s just, we’ve been living together three months and if we’re really sharing our lives, finances are part of that,”_ Noah says.

Dan smiles, he knows this is a bit about Noah’s pride and he respects that. _“I’m perfectly ok with that, Noah. And, since you’ve obviously been thinking about this, I assume you have some ideas on how this would work?”_

 _“I do, actually,”_ Noah is already grabbing a pad of paper from the counter. They spend the next hour with Dan looking through his bank account naming off household expenses.

 _“So, what? Do we pick a bill and you pay it?”_ Dan asks, exhausted as to how this will work logistically.

 _“I think more than that,”_ Noah says, seriously. _“That doesn’t seem like enough."_

 _“Noah, I bought this house with no thought that anyone would be sharing it, or the expense of it. I will not have you taking on something you weren’t a part of from the beginning, that is in no way fair,”_ Dan is trying to be calm. He can tell Noah has his mind made up about this and they will need to find common ground.

Noah thinks for a minute, he knows Dan is trying to compromise, and he’s not stupid to the fact that he can’t afford to pay for the house anyway. _“Ok, what do you think is fair?”_ He asks.

 _“I don’t know ...how about food? You can buy all the food ...we eat a lot and the cost of food in L.A. is outrageous, it’s a big expense,”_ Dan is grasping for something sensible. Noah leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, one eyebrow raised at Dan. _“And all the alcohol?”_ Dan says, he knows he’s reaching.

Noah relaxes a bit, _“And our dining out, Daniel. I pay for that as well.”_

_“Absolutely not. I will not be treated in restaurants as if some hunk of a man has to pay for me, like a geisha there for his entertainment. Are you out of your mind?”_ Dan’s voice rises.

Noah’s face immediately drops, _“Daniel, God, I’m sorry ...I really wasn’t thinking about how that sounded. I honestly did not mean it like that ...I’m sorry.”_

Dan can see Noah is truly upset that he might have hurt him. Dan looks at him for a minute, _“Noah, what’s brought this on? This whole ‘I must pound my chest and be the bread-winner’ just isn’t you”_

Noah hesitates a minute then leans in, looking directly at him, _“I know there have been men in your past who took advantage of you, especially financially, men who kept taking and taking from you. I can’t be like that, I want to meet you halfway in every way possible, I just don’t know how. Daniel, I’m well aware of the differences in our finances and that doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t matter. But ...I don’t know how to meet you halfway.”_

Dan is quiet, he understands why this is important to him. For Noah it’s about respect, giving and getting, and Dan won’t trivialize that. _“Ok...you pay for all the food and alcohol, and all of our dining out in the even months of the year, I will pay during the odd months and we will revisit the agreement in 6 months,”_ he says, deadly serious. 

Noah smiles, _“Deal. Feel like taking a swim?”_

Dan laughs, _“Sure, I’ll meet you in the pool.”_ Noah leans across the table and kisses him lightly just below his ear, then heads up to change into trunks. Dan sits for a moment thinking about the respect Noah shows him in so many ways. He knows for a gay man, relationships are not always built around respect, trust, or love for that matter. Dan can’t think of anyone in his life he’s shared all of those with. He heads upstairs to change, thinking about how freeing it is to know the person you respect, and trust, and love gives all that back in return. 

  
  


**Did you turn that down for me?**

_“Noah?”_ Dan calls walking through the kitchen.

 _“Out here,”_ Noah calls back from the terrace.

Dan finds him at the table with papers scattered across it and smiles, _“A song in progress?”_

 _“Maybe,”_ Noah frowns. _“I’m not sure yet, I need to find the connection.”_

Dan leans in and kisses him lightly at his temple, _“Can we talk?”_

Noah looks up, Dan never interrupts his writing so he knows something is up, _“Sure, everything ok?”_

 _“I’m not sure,”_ Dan says, taking a seat next to him, pulling Noah’s hand into his. _“Noah, someone at the studio today said you had turned down a part. Something they thought sounded like it had potential. I’m just wondering, I guess, did you do that because of me, of us?”_

Noah breathes in, watching Dan’s face, knowing he will feel responsible, _“Daniel, we need time together right now, to settle in, to be together. The part meant months on location and I’m not ready for that.”_

Dan looks away for a minute, _“Noah, you can’t give up something that important.”_

 _“This is important, Daniel, ‘us’, and I’m not going to jeopardize that. I’ll know when the time and the part is right for me. Look, right now I have control over my life with my music and I like that, I want to see where it goes.”_ Noah looks directly at him, making sure Dan knows he means this. _“For us to be together means give and take, and this is what I’m able to give right now so I'm doing it.”_

Give and take, Dan thinks about that for a minute. _“Noah, I feel like you constantly give, that you’ve been giving since you came here in December and I don’t want you to finally regret everything you’ve given up.”_ Dan is up and pacing the terrace, rambling now, _“For God’s sake, you moved, you left family and friends, you’re in an unfamiliar studio that I’m not even sure is working for you. Everything you own is in a storage bin. Fuck, you don’t even have half your clothes here.”_

Noah lets him pace, knowing he has to let Dan get everything out of his head, this isn’t just about turning down a part. Dan gives and gives in every relationship he has, whether it’s work or his personal life but he rarely trusts people enough to be the one to receive. This is about Dan starting to trust him enough to really build a life together. Noah knew this was coming. 

“ _Noah…,”_ Dan finally stops and looks at him, his eyes fill with tears, and Noah walks to him, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him in tightly. _“I’m sorry,”_ Dan whispers softly into his neck.

 _“I can always see my family and friends whenever I want, you know that. All the rest are things that we’ll work out together. It’s just timing right now, nothing more, I promise.”_ Noah pulls his mouth in and kisses him, moving into him over and over. Whispering into his ear, _“This feeling, now, is not something I have without you. ‘You’ give that to me. I’m not giving up anything, I’m taking what I need. This is what I need right now.”_ He pulls Dan back in, kissing him deeply, letting his need take over, feeling Dan return the same need. _“Can we go upstairs?”_ Noah whispers.

 _“Whatever you need, whenever, I will always give it to you,”_ Dan says, taking his hand leading him to their bedroom. He makes love to Noah gently, slowly bringing him to the brink and waiting for him to ask for more, always giving it. 

_“You are what I need,”_ Noah whispers, feeling Dan’s hands on him, his mouth surrounding him in warmth bringing his orgasm with an intensity that shakes him. _“Daniel, you…”_ Noah moans, running his hands through Dan’s hair, pulling himself further into his mouth.

When he stops jerking, Dan moves his hands up his body slowly, following with his mouth, feeling him shiver again. He nuzzles into Noah’s neck, _“I will go wherever you need to be when you decide, Noah. I will be wherever you are.”_

Noah rolls to his side, pushing his back against Dan knowing he’s hard, he moans _“Make love to me…”_ Dan pulls Noah’s leg up and slides his leg in, running his cock back and forth along his balls as he pulls a condom from the nightstand. Dan places his hand gently on Noah’s back and presses him forward, pushing his cock into him, holding his hip, he slides in and out, hearing Noah moan each time he presses in. _“This is what I want right now ...you next to me, inside me…,”_ Noah’s voice is rough and Dan feels lightheaded listening to him. Noah moans, pushing back against Dan, _“Fuck me, Daniel."_

Dan holds him, thrusting into him, _“Noah...,”_ he says, holding on tightly to Noah’s hip. Dan jerks over and over into him, _“I love you, God I love you,"_ letting his orgasm take him apart. 

Later in the evening, they lay wrapped in each other, hands roaming slowly across their bodies. Noah says softly, _“You have no idea how happy you make me. The way you make me laugh, and feel wanted. Sometimes the way you look at me takes my breath away, like I’m the only thing you need. I feel that way about you, Daniel.”_ Noah leans up to look at him, _“I will never regret the decisions I’m making. When the time is right and I need to do more, we’ll talk through it and decide together what works for us. Can you trust that?”_

Dan runs his hands through Noah’s hair, watching his eyes, _“Yes, I can do that, Noah. I’ve never made decisions about my life with anyone else ...I don’t want my needs, or my career, to always be what we make decisions around. I ‘trust’ that you will not let me do that.”_ He runs his thumb along Noah’s jawline, _“I’ve never really had a relationship that was ‘equal’, it’s very intoxicating,”_ Dan smiles, pulling him down to kiss him, running his tongue slowly along Noah’s, moving his hand between his legs.

 _“Jesus, Daniel ...you know what that’s doing ...aren’t you tired?”_ Noah moans into his neck. 

_“A little ... let me do this, I’ll go slow,”_ Dan smiles, kissing him lightly. He strokes Noah slowly, taking his time, he whispers, _“Relax into me, just feel me, let me bring you slowly.”_

Noah leans in, holding on to him, feeling his breath quicken. Dan continues to whisper, _“Slow, Noah, don’t push, slow ...let me bring you, softly, feel me ...slowly …,”_ Daniel moves in long slow strokes, kissing him lightly on his mouth and cheeks, murmuring to him, _“I love you, need you…slow.”_ Noah closes his eyes as he comes, not jerking wildly, but gently into Dan’s hand, his body moving in against him and he breathes in deeply, feeling every bit of Dan against him, pulling him slowly apart. His orgasm has never been like this before, so slow he can feel every moment of it, hear Dan whispering to him, _“Slowly ...mine, love you."_ Noah stretches against Dan as his orgasm ends, looking into his eyes, letting his breathing calm, he’s beyond relaxed.

 _“That was ….I can’t describe it,”_ Noah whispers, _“Everything felt like I was in slow motion ...what I need is here, Daniel.”_ Dan moves the cover and wipes them dry, realizing Noah is already asleep against him, he drifts off laughing to himself that they’ve not even had dinner.

Dan wakes later in the night starving, he slides from the bed and heads for the kitchen. He turns the music down low, keeping the house as quiet as possible. He plays through the evening in his head as he mixes up eggs, turning the word ‘equal’ over in his mind, smiling at the idea of it. His partner, his equal. It hasn’t always been that way and he says a silent vow to protect it, to be Noah’s equal. There is no doubt he’s never known sex like he does with Noah, but he realizes it’s more than that, it’s sex with someone he’s in love with. But for the person he’s in love with to be his ‘equal’ ...well, that takes his breath away. 

Finishing his late night snack, he goes back to the bedroom, watching Noah for a moment. Sprawled across the bed, arm flung across Dan’s pillow, his curls are a mess around his head, dipping down onto his forehead. 

He’s never known anyone who so easily speaks what’s in their heart, anyone who is so honest. Sliding into bed next to him, he brushes the hair from his face and kisses him, lightly on the mouth, _“I love you, Noah Reid and I promise to always be your equal."_

Dan wakes early the next morning to noises from the kitchen, smiling as he makes his way there. He kisses Noah on the cheek, _“Hungry I imagine?”_

 _“I’m starving ...we somehow missed dinner last night,”_ Noah smiles back at him, returning his kiss.

 _“Well...I came down and whipped up some eggs,”_ Dan looks at him innocently, _“But you were completely exhausted, from song writing apparently, and never moved.”_

 _“Ahhh, yes ...song writing. Sex with you definitely does something for my song writing,”_ Noah says, smacking Dan on his ass as he walks by. _“Come and sit, I made food for 12 ...and I want us to talk. At the table,”_ he winks. Dan fills a plate and grabs coffee, wondering if Noah is sure about what he said last night, what he’s giving up. 

_“Daniel, I don’t want our conversation last night to be clouded by ...by our making love. What I need right now in my professional life is not influenced by the sexual need I have for you.”_ Noah looks directly at him, _“And I’m well aware of the sexual need I have for you.”_

 _“Okaay,”_ Dan’s face flushes, holding his cup to his mouth in an attempt to hide it.

 _“Right now, I need to be with you to know you, for you to know me. Completely. If we’re going to build a life together, it will be give and take and it might not always appear equal, but we will work through it until it is. I will never give up more than I truly want to,”_ Noah says, looking at Daniel openly. _“Do you understand what I’m saying?”_

 _“I do ...I meant it when I said I will trust you,”_ Dan says softly, glancing away for a moment.

 _“Then what is it? Daniel, look at me ...talk to me.”_ Noah says insistently.

Dan watches his eyes, _“Building a life together ...I wasn’t sure ...Noah, is that what we’re doing?”_

Noah’s eyes soften as he looks at Dan, realizing how new all of this really is for both of them, _“Daniel, I have been building a life with you since the night I agreed to walk away from you for a year.”_ Dan nods, wiping away tears. Noah gives him a minute, _“So, are we doing this? Building a life together?”_

Dan nods more, with no attempt to stop the tears falling down his cheeks. _“Life together.”_

 _“Life together,”_ Noah says softly, reaching his hand across the table and weaving his fingers through Dan’s. Then, smiling, _“Daniel ...I’m so Goddamn hungry ...are we ok to eat now?”_

Dan bursts into laughter, still nodding and wiping tears, as Noah shoves food into his mouth, smiling between bites. 

  
  


**Rap Music on a Tuesday**

Dan hears rap music from the garage before he’s even opened the door to the kitchen, _“What the hell?”_ Leaving his bag in the kitchen, he walks towards the sound, home earlier than expected …could Noah have musicians here? What rap musicians does Noah know? Actually, what rap music does he even know? Dan stands in the doorway to the living room watching ...Noah is at the piano, his back to Dan, singing (loudly) and playing a very aggressive tune across the keys to a rap beat.

Dan starts to call out to him, then leans against the door, smiling broadly, thinking ‘what the actual hell’. Noah’s love of music is certainly varied, but rap? Does he listen to rap? He wonders how he doesn’t know this. As the song comes to what Dan thinks must be the end, maybe, he clears his throat loud enough that Noah is startled a little when he turns.

 _“Wow.”_ Dan says, still smiling. _“I did not see this coming.”_

Noah smiles, not embarrassed in the least, grabbing his phone to turn the volume down slightly. He walks toward Dan, singing, imitating hand gestures rap music is stereotypically known for, he moves close into Dan’s personal space. Dan simply loses it, laughing until Noah can no longer hold it together, they hold on to each other, both laughing wildly.

 _“Noah, what the hell are you doing?”_ Dan asks, trying to catch his breath.

 _“It’s a creative process,”_ Noah smiles, finally turning the music down. _“It loosens me up, juices flowing, all that stuff.”_

 _“Hmmm, is that so? Well, it’s definitely not a creative side of you that I’ve seen before ...it’s interesting,"_ Dan is still grinning broadly. _“And have you recorded any of this rap music?”_

 _“Seriously, Daniel? I can’t do rap, it’s just to go a little crazy, open my head up,”_ Noah says seriously.

 _“Would you mind if I listened? I mean, watching your ‘creative process’ is very enlightening,”_ Dan says, trying very hard to sound just as serious.

Noah laughs, _“Not only can you listen, it would help my creative process tremendously if you joined in,”_ Noah says, pulling him to the piano. 

_“I do not sing, you know that, Noah. And I certainly do not know the words to any rap songs,”_ Dan’s face is beginning to flush pink.

 _“It’s ok, neither do I, I make them up! It doesn’t have to be rap, there must be something we both know,”_ Noah says scrolling through his phone. Then he smiles, _“Ah...here, perfect.”_ He hits play.

Dan recognizes it immediately, rolls his eyes and can’t help but smile. He joins Noah, probably off key and not caring, _“_ _Where it began, I can't begin to knowing, But then I know it's growing strong…”_ they follow Neil Diamond through to the end, belting out Sweet Caroline as if their careers depend on it.

An hour and a couple of whiskeys later, they’re stretched out on the rug still singing to songs Noah finds scrolling through his phone. It’s the most fun Dan can ever remember having on a Tuesday afternoon. 

**The Dressing Room**

The next few weeks are spent doing all the casual things a couple does together. They go to the grocery store, they walk along the beach, they cuddle on the couch and watch movies, they have coffee at their favorite place on Saturday mornings. And it’s over coffee one morning at their favorite place that Dan says, _“Feel like shopping today?”_

Noah looks up and smiles, _“Shopping for who, Dan?”_

 _“Well, I just thought with summer coming, what you brought from Toronto might not be comfortable in the heat of L.A.."_ Dan continues stirring his coffee intently till it splashes over the side of the cup. 

_“Dan,"_ Noah says, noticing that Dan has yet to look at him. _“Dan?”_

Dan finally holds his cup up and looks over it at Noah, _“What?”_

 _“What exactly would you like to see me wear?”_ Noah asks, still smiling.

 _“Nothing different. I love the way you look."_ And Dan means that. He loves that Noah is casual, and a bit messy. He thinks it shows how very comfortable Noah is with himself, not looking to impress anyone. It’s very sexy. _“It’s just that with all the hiking you’re doing your body has really tightened up and some of your clothes might be too… baggy,"_ Dan says trying to keep his voice light. 

_“Baggy?”_ Noah says setting his cup down.

_“Jesus Noah, your fucking body is so toned now I just want to see it in a few well defined pieces of clothing. Is that asking too much?”_

Noah smiles at him, feeling a bit embarrassed that he likes that Dan wants to see his body. _“It’s not too much to ask, Dan. Let’s go."_

Dan knows exactly where he wants to take him. The store is casual with softest t-shirts he’s ever felt and he knows Noah will like that. He also knows the pants they sell will wrap around Noah’s ass and crotch beautifully. On the way there he tells Noah about how freaking soft the t-shirts are, he does not mention the pants.

In the dressing room, Noah smiles when he feels the softness of the t-shirt on his body, as usual, Dan is right when it comes to clothes. He zips up the pants and his face flushes when he looks in the mirror. _“Dan?”_ he calls through the door.

_“Yes, here.”_

_“Uh, I think I need a larger size in the pants,"_ Noah says.

Dan smiles knowing what Noah is seeing in the dressing room mirror. _“I really think they’re your size, Noah. Just a different ‘cut’ than you normally wear,"_ he calls back.

Noah opens the door just a bit and says, _“So, would you like to come in here and see these?”_

Dan steps in, happy for the opportunity. _“Wow. Noah, you are a gorgeous man,"_ he says smiling at him in the mirror of the dressing room.

Noah’s face moves to a deeper red, _“Dan. Seriously. I can not wear these pants in public. It looks like I’m packing a sock."_

 _“Noah, you’re sexy,"_ Dan says looking directly at his crotch. _“And you are fucking sexy in these pants."_

Noah is frowning at Dan as he unzips them and starts pulling them off. Dan reaches out and stops his hand, _“Let me help."_ He moves to the chair in the corner of the small room, pulls Noah to him and begins pulling the pants down his legs. He slips his fingers into the band of Noah’s underwear and begins pulling those down as well. 

_“Uh, Daniel ...those are ‘my’ underwear,"_ Noah says, a little unsure of what he’s doing.

 _“Are they? Hmmm,"_ Dan says as he continues to pull them down until Noah’s cock is fully exposed.

Noah looks around a little panicked, _“Daniel, we’re in a public place, what if…”_ and then he can’t speak because Dan is licking slowly up his cock, moving his mouth around him, nipping and licking until he’s hard.

He looks up at Noah and says, _“What if what, Noah?”_

 _“What if someone hears us?”_ Noah says in a heavy breath.

 _“Well then,"_ Dan whispers, _“I guess you’d better not moan quite so loud when you come in my mouth,"_ and he moves his mouth fully over Noah’s cock and wraps his hands around his body to pull him in. All Noah can think is _‘holy fucking hell’_ as he run his hands into Dan’s hair and holds him tightly, as he thrusts into his mouth.

15 minutes later, Noah has no idea what he’s actually bought as he hands the guy behind the counter his credit card. He remembers grabbing some of the t-shirts, a pair of sweatpants, maybe some shorts? He’s pretty sure Dan laid ‘the pants’ on the counter as well, but he’s too embarrassed to argue with him.

Leaning over the counter, Dan says to the guy , _“Everything in here is so beautiful, how do you prevent theft? Are there cameras in the dressing rooms?”_ Noah feels the heat rise in his face as he stares at Dan.

The guy looks back and forth between them and smiles, _“No. That’s actually against the law. No cameras in the dressing rooms.”_ He hands the bag directly to Noah and says, still smiling, _“Thank you for coming today. I hope you enjoyed your time here."_

Noah takes the bag unable to look at him and heads for the door. Once outside he stops and takes Dan’s hand. _“Daniel, I fucking love you."_

**No ponies for your birthday**

Both men had showered, pulled on t-shirts and pajamas, and were stretched out on the couch by 8:30. It had been a long day for Dan on set, and Noah in the studio, they want to relax next to each other. Noah loves Dan’s hair like this, soft falling around his face, he can smell his shampoo as he leans down to kiss the top of his head. _“You’re so soft,”_ Noah says nuzzling his nose to the spot behind his ear.

 _“Mmmm, I’m so tired, this is nice. Noah ...your birthday, I want to celebrate it, especially since you’re away from family. Is there anything you’d like to do?”_ Dan asks.

Noah nuzzles back into his hair, _“I’m thinking a night exactly like this will be perfect.”_

Dan raises up to look at him, _“Not at all Noah Reid, you’re not getting off that easy. I’m more than happy to have as many nights like this as possible, but I want your birthday to be special.”_

 _“Dan, weren’t you the one who said ‘not every birthday has to be a pony and cotton candy event’?”_ Noah teases back.

 _“Then I’ll skip the pony, but this is your first birthday here, away from friends, and I want to do something for you,”_ Dan insists.

Noah looks a little hesitant, _“Daniel, honestly, it’s usually drinks with my friends and dinner with my family, that sort of thing. An evening ‘in’ with you is all I need.”_

 _"Really? That’s it ...an evening in with me?”_ Dan rolls his eyes. 

_“Absolutely,”_ Noah smiles and leans in to kiss him lightly.

The next day Dan texts him a date and time and ‘birthday dinner in’. Noah smiles knowing this will not be a simple ‘birthday dinner in’ with Dan handling it.

‘Jesus’, Noah thinks as he calls Dan’s cell, he knows tonight means a lot for him and late is something he doesn’t want to be. _“Hey, Daniel, I’m sorry ...the guys feel like I need to run through the set one more time. 30 minutes, I promise.”_

 _“Seriously, Noah, it’s fine. Take your time, I can put the food on when you get here. It’s ok.”_ Dan says easily enough that Noah stares into the phone before answering, _“Uh, ok. I’ll text when I’m on my way.”_

It’s after 7 when Noah finally walks into the kitchen and hears music and voices on the terrace. No, please, Dan wouldn’t have planned a surprise party, would he? Contemplating whether he can make it back to his car and out the garage without Dan hearing, he heads towards the terrace. Noah opens the doors to the terrance and comes to a complete stop, unable to speak, he looks around the table at the faces, _“What the fuck…”_

His Toronto going-away-party friends, almost in unison, yell out, _“Noah, happy birthday, man!”_ and are immediately out of their chairs, hugging and slapping him on the back. 

_“What the hell, how did you get here?”_ Noah asks, still stunned, looking around for Dan. 

Matt leans in and hugs him, so only Noah hears, _“Dan flew us in ...for your birthday,”_ then laughing, _“We took up half of first class, he loves you, Noah.”_ Someone hands him a shot of whiskey and yells, _“To Noah, happy birthday!."_

Noah finally spots Dan and moves to him, hugging him tightly, _“I can’t believe you did this, it’s ...Jesus, I’m sorry I was late.”_

 _“It’s your first birthday here, I want it to feel like home. And the late thing wasn’t an accident, their flight was late so I had to buy time, I called the studio,”_ Dan says, stepping away just a bit, glancing at his friends.

Noah moves in closer, _“Daniel, you make my birthday feel like home. I can’t believe this ...thank you,”_ and leans in to kiss him. Dan steps back again, looking a little uneasy. _“What is it?”_

 _“I, uh ..I’m just not sure how comfortable you are with the physical stuff around your friends,”_ Dan says, low.

Noah puts his hand on Dan’s waist to hold him still, moves closer and pulls him in, _“Daniel, I love you. I’m going to kiss you and I don’t give a shit who sees it or what they think. These are my best friends which means they’re yours too.”_ Noah kisses him slowly, intently. 

_“Hey you two, break it up over there, more shots!”_ Someone yells out. Dan laughs then looks at Noah and winks, _“I booked them into a very nice couple of suites at a hotel close to here.”_

 _“Good plan,”_ Noah winks back. Shots are poured, the men ensure Dan partakes and it makes Noah smile knowing how lucky he is for this kind of acceptance. He looks around at the lights strung across the terrace, the large dining table brought in to seat everyone, the chef at the grill cooking for them? How had he missed that before? It’s subtle and over the top at the same time, something Noah thinks only Dan could pull off.

Later in the evening, after rounds of drinks, excellent food, and so much laughter that Noah’s sides hurt, he sees one of the guys walk over to Dan and lean in, talking privately to him. Noah trusts his friends, but he watches Dan’s face closely, looking for anything uncomfortable, he knows this was a big step for Dan and won’t let anything happen to ruin it. 

Dan wanders over and Noah holds his hand out to him, pulling him down into the chaise next to him, asking casually, _“What was that ...everything ok?”_

 _"It’s perfect, actually. He wanted to say what a great evening this is and he’s never seen you so content. He thanked me. They’re good men, Noah, they really care about you,”_ Dan leans in and kisses him lightly on the mouth. 

_“Well, he’s right, this is a great evening, I’ve never been this content, and you are a wonderful man, Daniel Levy,”_ Noah pulls him back in for a kiss that’s a little less light and the blush on Dan’s face makes him smile. 

_“Hopefully you still think that tomorrow when you see the touring van I rented to take you to all the touristy hotspots,”_ Dan laughs. _“Unfortunately, I have work to do so you guys will be on your own, with beer, of course.”_

 _“Seriously, you’re not going with us?”_ Noah really doesn’t want him to feel left out of the group.

 _“You have history with them that doesn’t include me, you need some time alone with them, Noah, it’s good. We’ll meet up back here again in the evening for dinner, you’ll have the afternoon to relax around the pool with them before I get home,”_ Dan says, honestly.

 _“I love you, Daniel,”_ Noah says, just as someone yells, _“Shots!_

Several shots later, when the group forces Noah up onto a chair for their drunken birthday toast, Noah pulls Dan with him, holding on to his shoulder as his toes dip slightly off the edge of the chair. Dan is thankful he stopped doing shots rounds ago because Noah really does need something to hold on to, and probably to put him to bed later, all of which Dan is happy to do to be able to see Noah with his friends.

 _“Noah! Happy fucking birthday! We put our heads together sitting in first class like bad asses, thank you very much Dan, and this is what we know. You were always willing to be the designated driver if we needed one, you were never too busy when one of us needed help, we miss you at our baseball games, we were still good enough for you after you got famous, you have a big heart ...and we’re happy to see it’s being well taken care of.”_ Matt looks to Dan and raises his glass. _“Now, to both of you, we want nothing more than Noah to be happy and it’s clear that he is. We will always be there, for both of you, whatever the fuck you need. Toast!”_

Noah stumbles down from the chair and is met with slaps on the back and big lingering hugs that straight men give only when alcohol has lowered their inhibitions. Dan steps back a little, watching, he understands this is why Noah loves so intensely, he’s always been surrounded by this kind of love and acceptance. Dan hasn’t always had the most honest of relationships with men, that’s what Noah gives him, honest open love. He moves over to the group, most still slapping Noah on the back, and they open up and pull him in. Noah looks over at him with the most beautiful drunken smile he’s ever seen.

It’s close to 2:00 a.m. when Dan calls for the car to pick them up and lets the hotel know they might need a little help getting ‘quietly’ to their rooms. Noah has mostly sobered up, mostly, but gives no argument when Dan takes his hand leading him up to bed, talking the entire way there about what a ‘fucking fantastic birthday this was’. He fumbles around with his shoes and jeans until finally Dan pushes his hands away and takes them off himself, pulls a t-shirt over his head and pushes him into the bed. 

_“Daniel, absolutely the best fucking fantastic birthday I’ve ever had,”_ Noah slurs a little, smiling.

Dan laughs at him, heading to the bathroom, _“I’m glad it was fucking fantastic.”_

 _“So ...speaking of fucking ...have we had drunk birthday sex, Daniel?”_ Noah says, completely relaxed across the bed.

 _“We have not, and I really think we’re both too exhausted to attempt that tonight,”_ Dan calls from the bathroom.

 _“I am exhausted, fucking fantastic birthday.”_ Dan crawls in bed and Noah rolls on his side to face him. _“But not too exhausted to talk sex.”_

Dan laughs out loud, _“Exactly what the hell is talk sex.”_

 _“I talk sex to you, no touching, just talk sex,”_ Noah grins.

 _“Really ...and have you done this before?”_ Dan is determined to play this out, to see how far Noah will take it.

 _“Well ...not really in real life in person, but I’ve thought about it with you,”_ Noah slurs just a bit, his eyes are sleepy and his hair tousled in a way that looks sexier than Dan has ever seen him.

 _“Hmm, ok ...I’m listening,”_ Dan says.

Noah smiles and says, _“Ok, just remember, no touching.”_ and Dan nods his head. _“Mmmm ...sometimes when you’re in the shower in the morning and I see you naked and wet, I lie here in the bed, watching you, and run my hand up and down my cock to remind myself of what it feels like inside you."_ Fuck, Dan thinks, this might be sexier than I thought, he keeps his eyes on Noah’s, not moving.

_“When I wake before you, I watch you sleeping and think about how soft the hair on your body feels. I think about sliding my hand into your pants and holding your cock lightly, then harder until I feel it swell in my hand, waiting for my mouth to suck you.”_

_“Fuck, Noah,“_ Dan feels himself getting hard and moves towards him.

 _“Stop, Dan,”_ Noah says seriously enough that it surprises him. Then he smiles, _“Rule 1, no touching. Now, roll over on your back.”_ Dan does, feeling his breathing quicken when Noah slides closer to him, still not touching, and leans in, _“Daniel, when I feel your cock filling up my mouth, sliding in and out, warm and wet, needing so badly to come, I want to wrap my arms around you and pull you faster and faster into me, taking all of you…”_

Dan’s hips move, pushing into the air, he grasps the sheets and his cock presses hard against his underwear. Noah leans in so that his voice is barely a whisper, he says slowly, _“Then, I feel you moving harder, thrusting, fucking my mouth, and the tip of your cock touches the back of my throat, I know you’re about to come, that I’m about to taste you. Daniel ...can you? Can you come?”_

 _“Fucking, fucking hell ...my God,”_ Dan groans as he comes, his cock jerking against his underwear over and over. Noah lets him calm for a moment then gently lays his hand on top of Dan’s underwear, feeling the wetness of his cum, making Dan groan again. Dan looks at him, breathing out quietly, _“Jesus, Noah…”_ watching Noah’s smile spread. 

Dan finally moves to the bathroom to clean himself up, returning to the bed looking over at him, _“Noah, I don’t know where you learned that, but…”_ Noah is sound asleep, a light snore already coming from him. Dan smiles, watching him for a minute, thinking how incredibly beautiful he is and how deeply he loves him. He leans over and kisses him lightly on his cheek, _“Happy birthday, Noah."_

Noah wakes with a headache, a glass of tomato juice and a bottle of aspirin sitting on the nightstand with a note, ‘Enjoy the day - see all of you later tonight, xo Dan’. Noah downs the juice and several aspirin, rolling over waiting for his head to feel better. 

When Dan arrives home later in the evening he hears muted voices on the patio, quite different from last night’s whoops and yells, and smiles. He finds them around the pool, quietly laughing, and realizes he’s very happy to see them. Someone yells out, _“Hey, Dan’s home ...we ordered from your favorite pizza place!."_ Matt pours a glass of wine and brings it to him, _“Noah said you’re not much of a beer drinker, tonight is on us and you relax. Today was very cool, thank you, again.”_ He draws Dan in with a hug and big, stinging, slap on the back.” Dan looks to Noah and smiles broadly.

Noah makes his way over, slowly, giving them time to talk, he leans in and kisses Dan, _“Hey, glad you’re home. Thank you for today, I will admit, it was more interesting than I thought it would be."_ Dan nods his head, overwhelmed at how comfortable it is to be here like this with Noah’s friends. Noah’s phone beeps, _“Nice, pizza’s here!”_

 _“I’ll help,”_ and Dan heads for the door when he’s pulled back by Matt.

 _“Not tonight, like I said, it’s all on us, we do all the work,”_ says Matt. 

Noah winks at him, _“Take your wine and enjoy the pool, but I warn you, too close and they will most certainly push you in, I speak from experience.”_ Dan glances toward the guys at the pool, a little uncertain, then laughs when he sees them wave him over as if they’re very far away and he might not see them.

They have beer and wine with more pizza than Dan has ever seen in his life, everyone's a little more low key after last night so the conversation is casual and easy. They ask about the house, did Dan have to do any work on it or the pool, does he like it here, does he miss Toronto. All the questions you’d expect friends to ask when visiting for the first time, friends that Dan never expected to have. There is no hidden agenda with these men, no innuendos about him and Noah, nothing uncomfortable hidden under the surface of the conversation.

Around 11:00 p.m. the guys call for the car, exhausted and they have an early flight. There are hugs and ‘thanks man’ all around for Dan, invites to please meetup next time he’s in Toronto, with or without Noah. They stand in the drive as their car pulls out and Noah reaches for his hand, not saying anything, just weaving his fingers through Dan’s.

Upstairs, getting ready for bed, Noah is quiet and Dan wonders if seeing them leave makes him think about his decision to be here. _“Noah, you’re very quiet ..does seeing them go make you miss Toronto?”_

Noah smiles at him from the bed, _“Come here, ...lay with me.”_ He pulls Dan into his side and kisses the top of his head, nuzzling his nose behind his ear to breathe him in. _“I wasn’t thinking about Toronto. I was thinking about how full my life is, and about how the man I love has done the most beautiful thing for me. You’re sort of amazing, Daniel Levy, thank you for everything this weekend.”_

 _“I know living here is different, for both of us, and it’s hectic right now. I wanted some way to take you home,”_ Dan raises his head to look at him, _“I had a really good time with them. I’ve never felt so included, they care about you.”_

 _“They care about you too,”_ Noah kisses him lightly, taking time to inhale his scent. He wraps his arms around Dan and pulls him closer, feeling their bodies relax against each other. _“My life is with you,”_ Noah whispers, exhausted, they’re both asleep in minutes.   
  
  


**When did you know?**

_"Noah?"_

_"Hmm? "_ Noah is writing then scratching things out so Dan knows his head is inside a song he's trying to work through. Dan loves the serious look he gets on his face when he’s in that space.

_“When did you first think you were attracted to me sexually?”_

He’s a little surprised when Noah answers so quickly, _“Season 5 when David sent Patrick on the date with another man."_

Dan thinks about that scene for a minute, a little confused. _“But, Patrick didn’t actually go on a date. So, it’s not like you were put in an actual position with another man."_

Without looking up, Noah says, _“It was in the hotel room after the attempted date."_

Now Dan is frowning thinking through that scene and the fact that Noah still hasn’t looked up from his paper is a little irritating. _“Exactly when in that scene?”_

Noah looks directly at him, _“When we kissed."_

Dan is running the scene again in his mind. _“Why then? How was that kiss any different from any of the others?”_

 _“Daniel, you parted your lips that day and moved your tongue lightly across my lips. That had never happened before. I knew I wanted more of you."_ Dan blushes a little and floats back into the pool.

Noah goes back to writing and scratching, never looking up. _“Daniel?”_

_"Hmm?"_

_“That kiss ...did you purposely brush your tongue against my lips?”_

_“Seriously Noah, we had like a thousand kisses on set. I’m sure I don’t remember that specific one,”_ Dan says flustered.

Noah looks at him with a slight smile, _“So ...you did. I’m a little disappointed."_

Dan is staring at him. _“Why??”_

Noah leaves his chair and meets Dan in the pool. _“Because you didn’t finish what you started that day."_ Noah kisses him deeply, sucking on his tongue, making sure Dan feels his tongue completely exploring his mouth. Noah pulls himself out of the pool and spreads out on the large chaise to let the sun dry him.

Dan watches him, Noah’s body has turned a light honey color with their days relaxing around the pool and Dan is amazed at how beautiful he looks. _‘Dan Levy, you are a fucking lucky man’_ he thinks. Then remembers the first time he knew he was sexually attracted to Noah and smiles. Season 3, ‘Soft Opening’. God, they had stood there and when Noah actually said the words ‘it’s definitely at least semi-firm’, Dan had immediately gone hard, wishing his sweater choice for David that day had been longer.

Dan rolls off his float, glides under the water to cool off then walks out of the pool to the end of Noah’s chair. Pouring tanning oil in his hands, he rubs it up and down Noah’s back, he moves Noah’s legs apart and slides his hand up and down his legs in long strokes. Noah moans and starts to turn over but Dan holds his hip down, continuing to move his hand up, the leg of his trunks are loose making it easy for Dan to move his hand inside. He holds Noah’s balls firmly, then moves his hand under Noah’s body and around his cock, his hand slick with oil. Noah moans, lifts his hips slightly so that Dan can reach him, then pushes his cock down into his hand, Dan moves his hand gently up and down, holding Noah’s hip firmly down as he tries again to turn over. Noah begins to grind harder into Dan’s hand, _“Daniel, please …”_

 _“Please what, Noah? Would you like to tell me what you want?”_ Dan smiles as Noah moans, he leans in and whispers, _“Ask for what you want,”_ as he rubs his thumb back and forth across the tip of Noah’s cock. It’s not often he turns the tables on Noah and he plans to enjoy it. 

_“God, Daniel ..you really want to hear me say it?”_ Noah grips the side of the chair and his voice breaks as Dan moves his other hand up his back and into his hair, _“Daniel ...make me come,”_ Noah moans low. Dan begins to jerk his cock harder, wrapping his fingers tightly in his hair and pulling his head back slightly, _“Fucking hell..,”_ Noah’s moan is deep and rough as he comes in Dan’s hand jerking over and over. 

When Noah relaxes, Dan pulls his hand slowly down Noah’s cock, knowing he’s sensitive after his orgasm, and smiles when he jerks just a bit and moans again. He slides his body next to Noah, rubbing lightly up and down his back.

Noah turns his head to look at him, his eyes are glazed, and his face flushed. _“Noah...something you should know.”_ A look of concern moves across Noah’s face as Dan leans in and kisses him fully, moving his tongue inside. _“I will always finish what I start.”_

_“Mmmm, good to know. I think it will be my favorite of all of that I love about you,”_ Noah smiles lazily. After a few minutes, Noah moves his hand down to the front of Dan’s trunks feeling the hardness of him pressing against them, and whispers, _“Let’s go inside, Daniel. I’d like to help you finish what you started, completely.”_

Noah pulls Dan from the chaise into the living room, moves the throw onto the couch and presses him gently onto it. He braces himself on the couch leaning in to kiss Dan and runs his tongue into him, smiling at the moan from Dan. He pulls Dan further down onto the couch and slides his trunks off, then removes his own. He looks at Dan’s full, hard cock and winks at him, _“Keep that thought for just a minute,”_ and moves to the bookshelf.

Dan eyes him, wondering what in hell he’s doing, as he reaches up and pulls a carved wooden box from the shelf. Strange, Dan hadn’t noticed it there, was it Noah’s? As he watches the back of Noah’s naked body reaching up for the box, he realizes he doesn’t care where it came from, or what Noah is doing with it.

Noah walks back to him holding a condom, lube, and a smile. _“What the fuck is that doing there?”_ Dan asks honestly surprised. Noah straddles him on the couch, takes Dan’s cock in his hand, kisses him deeply, and Dan moves instinctively into his hand. 

_“Daniel, since our first night in this room, I get hard everytime we’re in here,”_ Noah kisses him again. _“I thought it best to be prepared.”_ He rolls the condom down Dan and slowly strokes him covering him with lube, sending Dan into a shiver. They’re both breathing heavily, anticipating the intensity this position always brings, one deep inside the other, it’s exquisite. Noah takes his time rubbing the lube on himself, making sure he’s ready, he moves further up onto Dan and lowers himself down, feeling the tip of his cock, and slides him gently in, waiting for the gasp he knows will come from both of them.

Dan groans, holding his hips as he begins moving slowly up and down. Noah asks in barely a whisper, _“Daniel, since you asked, when did you know you were sexually attracted to me?”_

In the middle of a moan, Dan answers, _“Soft opening, ohhh fuck ...when you said ‘it was semi-hard’.”_

Noah leans forward placing his forehead against Dan’s as he continues moving slowly up and down. _“Hmmm, a little more than semi-hard now. Daniel?”_ he says, purposely, knowing how hard it is for Dan to talk like this.

 _“God, Noah ...what?”_ Dan says abruptly.

 _“Did you want to fuck me that day? Like this?”_ Noah hears his own voice break as he slides back down onto Dan and holds himself there, both gasping out loud. _“Did you?”_ he whispers into Dan's ear.

 _“Jesus, Noah, I wanted to fuck you that day and every day since,”_ Dan says raggedly, holding tightly on to Noah’s hips, pushing deeply into him, not finding it at all difficult to tell him what he wants, _“I can’t be near you without wanting you.”_

Noah lowers his head and finds Dan’s mouth moving his lips across it, _“Then fuck me like you want to, Daniel."_ He raises up and Daniel grabs his hips pulling him down onto him, they find their rhythm and Noah meets the thrust of Dan’s hips, running his hands through Dan’s hair, pulling him close. 

Dan holds his hips, pulling him forward, and jerks into him deeply, over and over. Noah lays his head on Dan’s shoulder and hears him whisper, _“My God, you make me crazy.”_

Noah runs his lips across Dan’s neck, whispering, _“I want you, Daniel ...I love you,”_ biting and licking until he feels Dan’s last shudder. Noah sighs as his body relaxes and he lays against Dan, wishing he’d said that so long ago.

**The Storage Unit - in July**

Dan comes down to the kitchen to find a full breakfast spread on the table and Noah plating pancakes. _“Well, this is an exceptionally nice surprise ...are we celebrating something?”_

 _“Always something to celebrate with you, Daniel,"_ and Noah keeps his eyes on the very large plate of pancakes.

 _“Noah? Do you want to look at me and tell me exactly what this is?”_ Dan knows he’s avoiding something. Noah spends most of his time with Dan trying to make eye contact, feeling him to his depths, not watching the food they're about to eat.

 _“Well, it’s nothing, really. Just a few things I have to take care of, really. But nothing really big…,”_ Noah is rambling.

Dan eyes him closely, _“Noah ...that’s three ‘reallys’ and I still don’t know what you’re talking about."_

Noah looks up at him, directly into his eyes like he always does, _“I have to go back to Toronto."_ Dan’s is pretty sure he’s going to throw up on the very large plate of pancakes. Noah sees his fear and says, _“I mean make a trip to Toronto, Daniel. A quick trip, that’s all."_

 _“What’s going on, Noah? Is this a trip to Toronto during which you realize you do hate L.A. and don’t return?”_ Dan’s voice has a slight sound of panic, it makes him angry but he can’t help it.

Noah walks slowly to him, afraid he might actually bolt, places his hands around Dan’s waist and pulls him in next to his body. _“Daniel, I will go to the end of the earth to be with you. I know that you know that. I have some things to tie up in Toronto with the storage unit and my belongings, that’s all. It’s a short trip, there and back in a couple of weeks."_

Dan wraps his arms around Noah’s shoulders and buries his head in his collarbone. _“Noah, your airplane ticket?”_

Noah remembers their conversation when Dan asked him to move in. He pulls Dan’s head up to look in his eyes, _“Roundtrip."_

The next few days they’re more quiet with each other, they hold each other a little longer when they hug. Noah rubs his hand across Dan’s back when he passes him in the kitchen and Dan immediately takes it to pull him in. They nuzzle into each other at night, memorizing their bodies, making love slowly, whispering, promising. Two weeks apart really isn’t that long. Two weeks in Toronto is forever.

Noah refuses to let Dan drive him to the airport, he knows they’re both on edge about the timing of the trip. He doesn’t want to take a chance on either of them being photographed at the airport with tear rimmed eyes, he takes a cab while Dan is still at his office.

Dan takes his time going home knowing it will be to an empty, very quiet, house. He walks into the kitchen, pours a glass of wine, and goes straight to the bedroom. His plan is to revolve around work and sleep so he doesn’t have to think about Noah being in Toronto, where his family and friends are. Where Clare is. Dan has no concerns about Noah and Clare, his concern is that the guilt he knows Noah still feels will be harder there, will make it harder for him to be in L.A.

Walking into the bedroom brings him to a full stop. There on the bed is Noah’s guitar, the gift from his parents, with a note taped to it. ‘Hold on to this for me till I get back? Love N’. Dan knows what this is. Noah would never leave his guitar, he’s letting him know the fact that it’s here is where he wants to be. 

**TEXT - night one**

**Midnight, Toronto** Daniel?

 **9:00 pm L.A.** Hi

 **Toronto** Hi… made it here all good just wanted to say goodnight

 **L.A.** I’m glad your trip went ok

 **Toronto** I love you”

 **L.A.** Two weeks - I love you too

  
  


**TEXT - night three**

**6:00 pm L.A.** Noah?

 **9:00 pm Toronto** Here

 **L.A.** How is it, making progress?

 **Toronto** Ok, cleaning out storage giving most of it away

 **L.A.** If there’s anything you want here we can make arrangements to have it shipped

 **Toronto** Everything I want in L.A. is already there

 **L.A.** I love that you’re such a romantic

 **Toronto** I’m not sure people would call me that

 **L.A.** You are with me

 **Toronto** You make it easy. Work going well?

 **L.A.** It is ...but let’s talk more about your romantic side.

 **L.A., Dan’s phone rings and NR pops up on the screen.** _“Well hello Mr. Romantic…”_

 **Toronto** _“Hello, Daniel, what exactly would you like to talk about? Regarding romance…”_

 **L.A.** _“Ohhh, let me think… what exactly do you want here in L.A.?”_

 **Toronto** _“Mostly you ...in bed. Out of bed too ...but mostly, in bed."_

 **L.A.** _“Jesus, Noah …”_

 **Toronto** _“Daniel ...are you getting hard? Are you hinting that we have phone sex?’"_

 **L.A.** _“Absolutely not. I have several more hours of work here that won’t happen after that. But... what about you, Noah? Are you hinting that you’d like me to help you with a little phone sex?"_

 **Toronto** _“Well ...I think a little phone sex from the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ would definitely help me sleep."_

 **L.A.** _“Noah, what are you wearing?”_

 **Toronto** _“Underwear. Just about to jump in the shower ...should I take them off?”_

 **L.A.** _“No, don’t take them off. I want you to slide your hand into your underwear and jerk yourself into them, so that the tip of your cock rubs against the fabric. And Noah?”_ Dan can hear him breathing through the phone and knows he’s already touching himself. 

**Toronto** “Yes…” Noah whispers

 **L.A.** _“Every time the tip of your cock hits the fabric, I want you to feel it hitting the back of my throat while I suck you."_ Dan listens to him moan and talk in a low mumble until he calls out Dan’s name and the phone goes quiet. He imagines Noah laying across the bed with cum on his stomach and has to focus very hard on not getting an erection.

 **Toronto** _“Daniel....I miss you."_

 **L.A.** _“Sleep tight, Noah."_ Dan thinks about romance, what he always thought it was, big expensive gestures. With Noah, he’s come to know there is not a more romantic gesture than having someone bear their heart to you. Noah’s willingness to say what he feels, what’s in his heart, is the most romantic thing Dan has never known.  
  


**TEXT - day six**

**2:00 pm Toronto** Dan?

 **11:00 am L.A.** Here

 **Toronto** I ran into Clare this morning

**Toronto, Noah’s phone rings and he doesn’t have to look at the screen.**

_“Hi Daniel, you really didn’t have to call ...it’s ok. I’m ok.”_

**L.A.** _“How is she? Did you talk?”_

**Toronto** _“For a little. We ran into each other in the park and talked for a while. She’s well.”_

 **L.A.** _“And you? How are you?”_

 **Toronto** _“My head is clear, Daniel. I know where I want to be. I just didn’t want someone to see us together and tell you. Or, worse, photograph us.”_

 **L.A.** _“Noah ...I really am sorry…”_

 **Toronto** _“Stop. I know you think you’re somehow responsible for everything here, the hurt I caused other people. You’re not. Daniel, I couldn’t have chosen not to fall in love with you. I was finally honest with everyone in my life and that’s all I can do. I won’t feel guilty because I’m happy.”_

 **L.A.** _“Noah ...I’m glad you’re happy. I love you.”_

  
  


**PHONE CALL - day nine**

**10:00 pm L.A. Dan sees NR on his phone and he's a little surprised, it's 1:00 am in Toronto and that’s late for even Noah.** _“Noah? Are you ok?”_

 **1:01 am Toronto** _“Dan! Daniel ...no Mr. Daniel,"_ Noah slurs into the phone.

 **L.A.** _“You’re drunk? Where are you?”_ Dan knows he won’t drive but would still like to know he’s safe.

 **Toronto** _“Well, Mr. Daniel, I happen to be on my friend’s couch surrounded by my boys ..your boys too, remember. Not surrounded like you surround me.”_ Noah whispers like it’s an inside joke, which it might be if he hadn’t just loudly whispered it in front of ‘his boys’ which Dan can hear in the background. _“It’s a going away party for me and I wish you were here, hey, Matt, that’s my fucking beer, yours is there!”_

 **L.A.** _“Noah, you’re really going to have a hangover tomorrow.”_

 **Toronto** _“Daniel, I really, reeeaaaally, wish you were here ...hey, they want to say hello!”_

_“Hey, Dan the man Dan, it’s Matt ...why the fuck didn’t you come with Noah?_

_“Dan, didn’t know Noah could be any other color than snow white ...it looks good on him.”_

_“DL we miss you doing shots with us!”_

Dan laughs as ‘the boys’ pass the phone around, each one slurring drunkenly into the phone. Something drunk and kind. Dan smiles ...he has the most important thing in common with them, they all love Noah.

Finally the phone makes it back to Noah, his voice is actually at a whisper, _“Daniel ...do you want to have phone sex later?."_

A laugh hits Dan immediately, _“Ohhh ...why don’t we plan something tomorrow?”_

 _“Ok ...but you’re missing out, Mr. Daniel Levy,"_ Noah slurs again. Dan hangs up the phone smiling and gives it about 30 minutes before he figures Noah has passed out.

  
  


Early the next morning Dan texts him just to make sure he’s ok.

 **8:00 am L.A.** Hey ...are you ok?

 **11:00 am Toronto** Who is this?

 **L.A.** So a little hungover?

 **Toronto** Maybe ..we talked last night, right?

 **L.A.** Yes ..you and I and ‘your boys’

 **Toronto** Fuck did I really call them that?

 **L.A.** You did.

 **Toronto** What did they say to you?

 **L.A.** Everything you’d want them to

 **Toronto** Did they embarrass you? Did I embarrass you?

 **L.A.** Your ‘boys’ were polite. You asked for phone sex

 **Toronto** Fuck I’m sorry Daniel ...hopefully not out loud? 

**L.A.** No ….more like in a needy whisper

 **Toronto** I don’t remember ...did we have phone sex?

 **L.A.** I’m not wasting good phone sex on booze

 **Toronto** Love you

 **L.A.** Same - talk in a couple of days?

 **Toronto** Yep ..I’ll be sober by then

  
  


**TALK - day 11**

Noah looks at the empty storage unit, he’s done and exhausted. Throwing everything in boxes in the month before leaving was very different than actually making decisions about what to do with stuff. Some of it was obviously easy ...kitchen and house stuff, clothes he gave away. Things like photographs he took time with, he wanted to make sure he felt closure on things here. He had always loved living in Toronto and would miss it, he wanted this feeling to stay in his heart so he never forgot it, but imagining living here without Dan made his chest tighten. He knew he was ready, he closed the storage unit and headed home to call Dan.

 **7:00 pm L.A.** Dan picks up immediately, not caring at all that Noah might think he’s waiting on the call. _“Hi.”_

 **10:00 pm Toronto** _“Hi ...all done and I’m beat."_

 **L.A.** _“Anything you want to ship here?”_ Dan is hesitant to say ‘home’, he knows this is emotional for Noah.

 **Toronto** _“No, it’s not like my clothes make sense in L.A. so I got rid of most of those. A few things like photos, papers and I’ll toss them in a suitcase. My second guitar. That’s it, really.”_

 **L.A.** _“You sound tired.”_

 **Toronto** _“I really am. Headed for a shower then sleep till I wake up with no alarm.”_

 **L.A.** _“Then you have a few days to relax and see your friends, that will be good. Noah, has it been hard to do this? To get rid of your things?”_

 **Toronto** _“A little, my life was always here. But, Daniel ...my life is with you and I am happier than I’ve ever been. You believe that, don’t you?”_

 **L.A.** _“I do. It just hurts to see you sad.”_

**Toronto** _“I miss you.”_

 **L.A.** _“Same, shower and sleep.”_

 **Toronto** _“I love you, Daniel, see you in a few days.”_

 **L.A.** _“Counting on it, I love you.”_

Dan stays at work till almost midnight, three days and Noah will be home, he’d sleep in his office if he wasn’t afraid security would report him. Walking into his home every night to the absolute absence of Noah is driving him crazy. After a week of Noah in Toronto, he had stood in the closet and pulled Noah’s shirts to him trying to take in any remnant of the scent of him. He falls into bed thinking _‘three fucking days’_.

  
  


**Day 12 why are you here?**

Dan leaves the office at 4, his team had basically walked out refusing to work with him anymore that day, he is tired and in a bad mood and knows he’s making everyone crazy. No one has said anything but they know it’s still two more days till Noah is back. A couple of them actually said they might need to take a couple of days off for ‘personal reasons’. Most likely _his_ personal reasons, he will do something very nice for everyone next week.

He walks into the kitchen wondering what he’s going to do to pass the time and drops his bag squarely on the floor in front of him. Noah is standing at the kitchen counter, a whiskey in front of him, which Dan knows he drinks when he’s trying to gain a little quick courage, or take the edge off.

 _“When did you get here? Why didn’t you call me? God, is everything ok?”_ Dan is anything but speechless.

Noah doesn’t move really, he takes his time and finishes his whiskey. _“Daniel, come here, please.”_

 _“Noah, you’re freaking me out a little…,”_ Dan walks to him a little cautiously.

Noah watches Dan’s hip as he places his hand on it ...moving his hand slowly up looking at the curve of his body. He tightens his grip and pulls Dan to him. _“Daniel,”_ Noah’s voice is gentle, _“I couldn’t be there without you. I’m so far gone with you, I feel like there’s no breath when you’re not next to me. I have to know…,"_ Dan pulls his mouth to him with a force that Noah needs. 

Noah backs him against the counter moving his tongue inside his mouth slowly, taking everything Dan gives. After a minute he moves away, pressing his forehead to Dan’s, his voice is rolling, coming quickly _“God, I’m consumed with you and I want that. I want to drown in you, feel you next to me every night and wake up with you every day. Daniel, I left Toronto with no need to look back, my life is where you are. I have to know you’re ready for this.”_

Dan pulls Noah’s face up to make sure their eyes meet, _“Noah, when you came here in December, and I touched you for the first time that night, I knew. You have my whole heart for the rest of my life. I will be whatever you need wherever you need it.”_ Their hands roam each other’s bodies and their kiss is deep and languid, both grasping to pull the other close, needing more than sex tonight.

Dan grabs wine and glasses and pulls Noah to the bedroom, he unbuttons Noah’s shirt and pushes it off his shoulders to the floor. Dan walks to the chest pulling out one of his t-shirts and brings it to him, as Noah reaches out for it, Dan pulls his hand up and kisses his fingers, then gently says, _“I knew that night there would never be anyone else,''_ and kisses him softly. They spend the evening talking about things in their lives that they love, things they want to leave behind, what their dreams are, and what they dream of together. They share their secrets and fears, things they’ve never told anyone else, holding nothing back, determined to be the one person who truly knows the other. They drift off to sleep wrapped tightly in the feeling of a different intimacy between them.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Noah wakes feeling Dan’s back against his, warm and relaxed. He pulls his t-shirt off and wraps his body around Dan’s, his hand on his waist to pull him close, listen to his breathing as he sleeps. He moves his hand into Dan’s pajamas wrapping it gently around his cock, needing to feel him. Dan presses his head back, into his shoulder, still in the fog of sleep, _“Noah…,”_ But Noah waits till Dan whispers, _“Yes.”_

Noah moves his hand gently up and down Dan, matching his movement to Dan’s body. His strokes are long and slow as Dan moans and moves his body into his hand, Noah presses himself into Dan from behind, feeling Dan’s body tense, and whispers into his neck, _“Daniel, I love you.”_ His orgasm begins and cum runs warmly through Noah’s fingers as he holds Dan close, letting him fall safely into pleasure. Dan relaxes and Noah uses his t-shirt to wipe them dry, he’s always in a little awe that he can bring Dan to that place, absolute pleasure. Dan slips back into sleep and Noah whispers into his neck again, _“In all my life I’ve never loved like this."_

The next day Noah is out on errands and a little surprised when he comes home to find Dan sitting at the kitchen table, casually reading as if he hasn’t a care in the world. And Noah knows, Dan always has a ‘care’ he’s working on. He leans in and kisses him lightly on the cheek, _“Hey ...everything ok?”_

 _“It absolutely is. Were you able to get to everything done while you were out?”_ Dan seems very relaxed.

Noah watches him wondering if he should be concerned, _“Uh ...I did. Everything went smoothly.”_ Noah’s errands were mostly local things, setting up a bank account, getting a CA drivers license. _“I’m just surprised to see you home ...so early in the afternoon.”_

 _“Oh, that … I had a delivery to be here for. Come, let me show you.”_ Dan takes his hand and leads him to the bedroom. Noah sees it immediately, the chest is a beautiful deep walnut with clean lines and gold pulls, an exact match to Dan’s, in which Noah has taken over a few drawers. _“This is home, Noah, our home.”_

Noah looks at him not really sure what to say. _“There’s more,”_ Dan says, leading him to the closet. One half of the closet is entirely clear of Dan’s clothes, Noah’s things hang there and his duffle bag is on the floor, waiting to be unpacked. 

_“Daniel, where are the rest of your clothes?”_ Noah is seriously shocked, clothes are a passion for Dan.

 _“I got rid of some stuff. I mean, really, who needs 14 pairs of black pants?”_ Dan seems a little shocked himself.

Noah turns to him with such a softness in his eyes, Dan is sure he’s going to cry. _“Daniel Levy ...the way you love me.”_ Noah kisses him softly and pulls him to the bed. They lay, entwined with each other, staring at the pair of matching chests. 

In the coming weeks their relationship shifts, they move almost as one through their days. Noah stops by Dan’s office to bring him lunch and meets people he works with, they attend industry events without a thought they might be photographed, and they are. Sometimes Dan goes to the recording studio, listening to Noah, falling more in love with him. Noah is different in the studio, he falls deeply into his music, seemingly unaware of his surroundings. Emotion shows openly on his face as he sings, and Dan longs to wrap his arms around him, knowing he will go to the ends of the earth for him.

They’re both letting their separate lives blend into one. 

  
  


**You excite me**

Dan smiles, watching Noah at the bar, his hair is longer than he normally wears and it curls softly around his head and over his ears a bit, the back touches the top of the collar of his black shirt. Dan bought him the shirt knowing exactly how it would fit across his shoulders and chest. It was meant to be worn untucked which he knew would suit Noah, the curve of the front drawing attention to his crotch was a nice surprise Dan hadn’t counted on. Dan’s eyes travel down the length of his charcoal jeans taking in how incredibly handsome he is. 

Noah smiles at the bartender when ordering and he’s stunning. Dan smiles again, knowing exactly what’s running through the bartender’s mind, when Noah smiles it’s genuine and draws you in. The bartender thinks he knows him, or would like to know him, but can’t place him. Noah’s longer hair does that ...it takes away the awareness of who he is. ‘Well this is interesting…,’ he thinks seeing the man slide in next to Noah, speaking to him, shaking his hand. 

Eventually, the man leans in and says something to Noah just as the drinks arrive, something meant to be private. Noah leans back a bit, and frowns slightly at the stranger, he says something then nods toward Dan. The man’s eyes follow and Dan sees the acknowledgement in them while Noah grabs their drinks and heads toward him.

Setting the drinks on the table, Noah leans in to kiss him along his jawline as he slides in. Dan looks at the bar long enough to see the stranger nod his head and raise his glass to him. _“Well, Noah ...I see you’re making friends tonight,”_ he says, keeping his tone light.

 _“Yeah ...that was a little unexpected,”_ Noah says, shaking his head. _“He asked if one of those drinks was for him. Who says that? What a stupid pickup line.”_

Dan chokes a bit on his drink laughing, _“Really? Is there a less stupid pickup line that might have worked on you?”_

 _“No ...Daniel, you know that, right?”_ Noah is completely serious now.

 _“I do ..I absolutely do,”_ Dan says leaning in to kiss him. _“I’m very secure in what we have, Noah.”_

 _“Good,”_ Noah relaxes a little.

 _“But, I do wonder...sometimes,”_ Dan watches him for a minute. _“Do you ever think about what it would be like to be with another man?”_

Noah looks back at him, without hesitation, _“Never. Daniel, when I realized I wanted to be with you, it wasn’t because I realized I wanted to be with men. I wanted you, it could never have been anyone else.”_

Dan feels his face flush, and he leans closer to Noah, _“No one has ever made me believe they wanted me, or loved me, the way you do, Noah. Honestly, the way you love me takes my breath away.”_

 _“That is their loss, Daniel.”_ Noah says, caressing the back of Dan’s neck, running his fingers lightly into his hair. _“Now, that is a very slow song playing and I would like to hold you closer than this table will allow. Would you trust me to do that on the dance floor?”_ He says with such a beautiful smile that Dan really does feel sorry for the man at the bar. 

Later at home as they’re relaxing on the couch, listening to music, laughing at the guy in the bar and hoping he found his drink, Noah says rather casually, _“I love sex with you."_

Dan immediately looks at him, totally taken off guard, _“Okaayyy, where did that come from?”_

 _“I was just thinking about the bar guy ...looking for a pick up, a one night stand,”_ Noah says. _“I’ve had one night stands and sometimes there’s an excitement to it ...but not like I feel with you. Everything about you excites me.”_

Dan leans back, smiling at him, _“Hmmm, tell me more, please, about this ‘excitement’ you feel,”_ and he slides his hand up along the inside of Noah’s thigh and firmly into his crotch, making Noah moan.

Noah watches him, not backing down, _“I feel excited when you touch me, like that for example. I feel excited at the look in your eyes when I can see you want me, like now. Sometimes, thinking about different positions with you ...I get excited thinking about how you’ll feel.”_

 _“Mmm, that’s good to know,”_ Dan says, visibly flushed. _“Do you have a favorite position?”_ Dan leans in, nuzzling into his neck, rubbing his crotch, _“Or…”_ He pulls away to look at him, _“A position we haven’t tried?”_ Then leans back in to nip at his collarbone. _“Tell me the truth ...what excites you?”_

Noah’s breathing is low, he feels the burn in his groin, _“From behind ...not in bed ...I want to take you standing, bent over.”_

Dan leans back to look at him, he’s so hard his cock hurts against his pants, and he can feel that Noah is definitely the same. _“I’m yours tonight, Noah,”_ he says, watching Noah’s eyes darken.

Noah kisses him deeply, his hands quickly pulling at the buttons on Dan’s shirt, pushing it off, moving his mouth across his chest and down to his stomach. He stands and pulls Dan up, unfastening his belt he moves his hand down into his pants running his hand roughly across his cock, pulling him in, hearing their moans. Noah goes to the bookshelf where they both now keep condoms and lube.

Coming back to lay them on the couch, he unfastens Dan’s pants, sliding them off along with his underwear until he is standing naked in front of him. Noah steps back, looking at him, _“I can never get over how fucking beautiful you are,”_ he whispers, then pulls him in, kissing him deeply. Noah removes his own clothes and pulls Dan around to the back of the couch, pulling their bodies close, whispering, _“I need to be inside you."_

He turns Dan toward the couch, and motions him down, across the back of it. Noah kneels behind him and moves his hands up his thighs, spreading his legs. He pours the lube into his hand and wraps it around Dan’s cock, feeling him throb against his hand. He presses his mouth in and licks his balls moving slowly up, hearing Dan gasp and his breathing quicken. He presses his thumb to Dan’s hole and moves over him, pushing in and out and Dan moans loudly, holding tightly to the couch. Noah stands behind him, pushing him further over the back of the couch, he spreads him and pushes his cock into him quickly, Dan jerks against him and Noah thrusts forward, urgently. They call out at the same time, gasping at the tightness and the pressure. Noah moves his hand up Dan’s back till he’s grasping his shoulder, he slides in and out, aggressively, pushing further each time, holding him by the shoulder and hip so that he feels him completely. Their moans are loud, as Noah thrusts into him over and over, letting his need take control. _“Daniel?”_

Dan feels himself spiraling, urging him on, _“Noah ... I’m yours,”_ he moans. Noah slides his hand around to Dan’s cock and jerks him, hard and fast, matching his thrusts as he slams into him. Noah arches into him one final time, jerking Dan’s cock hard as they come, both lost in the wave of their orgasms.

Noah leans across Dan’s back, breathing heavily until he finally calms. He pulls himself out and brings Dan up against him, holding him tightly, listening to his own ragged breathing. Neither of them say anything as he takes Dan’s hand and leads him upstairs to the shower, massaging his body gently under the warm water, caressing him. Noah gently dries Dan's body and they crawl into bed, pressed against each other, Noah runs his hands through Dan’s hair, holding him. 

Moving down to look at him, Noah asks softly, _“Did I hurt you?”_

 _“No, you didn’t hurt me ...honestly,”_ Dan whispers and moves up to kiss him lightly.

 _“I felt like I couldn’t get enough of you, I couldn’t stop. Daniel, I never want to hurt you because I went too far or I was too rough. I just ...sometimes I want you, all of you, so completely, it consumes me,”_ Noah says, close to tears.

 _“I know that, it wasn’t just you, Noah. Feeling you like that was like fire, I wanted more. I wanted you,”_ Dan moves his thumb across Noah’s lips. _“I wanted to feel you lose control.”_

Noah pulls him close, wrapping his arms around him, whispering, _“All my love for all my life ...I’m yours,”_ repeating what Dan had said to him earlier. Dan thinks about each of them losing control, in their own way yet together, and how safe he felt with Noah. He knows neither of them are in control, or out of control, they’re in the same place, together. 

**Birthday with a view**

Dan is looking at his calendar, frowning, it’s August 7th and Noah hasn’t mentioned anything about his birthday. Nothing. Dan isn’t looking for some big statement, that would be embarrassing, but ...surely, Noah will acknowledge it. Right? He calls. _“Hi ..how are things going at the studio today?”_

 _“Hey ...things are good, sounding really nice. Your day ok?”_ Noah says, knowing exactly why Dan is calling.

 _“Sure, it’s busy, nothing out of the ordinary, just flipping through my calendar amazed that we’re already into August,”_ Dan knows he’s dropping the hint and doesn't care at this point.

Noah smiles, _“Yeah, it feels like days are flying by. Hey, can we talk later? The guys are ready.”_

 _“Oh, sure, sure, all good, we’ll talk later,”_ Dan says flippantly.

 _“Ok, love you,”_ Noah says hanging up.

Dan spins around in his chair, _“Are you fucking kidding me. Days are flying by?”_ He says to no one. This is really not like Noah, he’s the most romantic straight-gay man Dan’s ever met, he couldn’t not be doing something for his birthday. Could he?

Later in the afternoon, Noah texts, ‘I’ll grill for us tonight 7 ok?’ Dan knows his reply is childish, ‘Whatever works for you’. Dan walks into the kitchen at 6:45 and is drawn to the patio by the smell of something wonderful on the grill. Noah is relaxing by the table, which is set quite formally for grilling, wine cooling and glasses waiting. 

Noah looks up, _“Beautiful ...you’re home early.”_ He pours a glass of wine and brings it to Dan, kissing him lightly on the mouth, then again on the neck, nuzzling there for a minute. 

_“So,”_ Dan says nonchalantly, _“What’s the special occasion?”_

 _“You are ..come and sit, I’ll finish up the grill and we’re ready to eat,”_ Noah smiles. Noah plates the food, pours more wine, and toasts to a ‘quiet evening in’. 

Dan can’t hold it in anymore, _“So, I’ve been wondering…”_

Noah cuts him off, grinning, _“Wondering what, Daniel? Wondering if I forgot something?”_ Dan stops, finally realizing something more is going on here. Noah leans across the table, _“I haven’t forgotten anything. Now, let’s enjoy the food before it gets cold.”_ Dan is speechless, what the hell does that mean? They eat, finally falling into relaxed conversation about their day. 

When they finish, Noah tells him to relax while he clears everything away. Dan moves to the large chaise and thinks back trying to remember any relationship in his life where someone took care of him. Nothing comes to mind. Noah joins him on the chaise, pulling him in, and they lay quietly for a while, enjoying the soft glow around the pool.

 _“So, Daniel, tomorrow I have something planned for your birthday and we’ll be leaving at 11:00 a.m. We’ll be gone for a few days, and I’ve already packed a bag for you,”_ Noah says, as if Dan has nothing going on at the studio.

Dan raises up, looking at him incredulously, _“Noah, I have things on my calendar tomorrow that have been planned for weeks, what are you thinking? I can’t just rearrange everything at a moment's notice.”_ Noah doesn’t look the least bit phased.

 _“Daniel, those ‘things’ on your calendar are all fake. Your assistant helped me set them up weeks ago so you’d be free the next several days,”_ Noah says, calmly, rubbing his thumb down Dan’s jaw, leaning in to kiss him there.

 _“What? My assistant? Since when do you talk with my assistant?”_ Dan is shocked, a bit irritated, and thrilled all at the same time.

 _“Since weeks ago when I started trying to figure out how I could get you away for your birthday.”_ Noah sits up and pushes him back onto the chaise, looking at him seriously. _“Daniel, people are always asking for your time and you give it so willingly, you never have time for you. I want to give you that.”_

Dan is quiet, watching Noah’s eyes, has he ever really seen anyone look at him like that before? Noah’s eyes are honest, full of love and the need for Dan to believe him. It’s breathtaking. He pulls Noah to him and kisses him, deeply, until Noah finally pulls away, _“Is that a ‘yes’?”_

 _“Yes,”_ Dan whispers, and Noah leans back in to finish the kiss.

The next morning, after Dan confirms with his assistant that all of his calendar bookings are fake, Noah drives them to John Wayne County airport, following the signs to the chartered flight building. Dan is overwhelmed at the extent to which Noah has gone to give him such a simplistic gift, he is determined not to question it. Noah parks and grabs two smaller duffle bags from the trunk, finally, Dan raises an eyebrow.

 _“I packed everything, skincare and all. Trust me,"_ Noah winks and smiles at him. Dan eases into a smile knowing he would trust this man with his life. 

Noah gives his name at the desk and they head toward the … helicopter pad? Dan’s mind begins to spin, ‘Helicopter, are you fucking kidding me?’ Did he say that out loud? Apparently not, because Noah and the pilot are still headed toward the thing.

 _“Uh ..Noah? I’m sorry ...uh, could we talk for just a minute? Maybe over here?”_ Dan is heading off to the side of the walkway.

Noah can see the slight panic in him immediately, _“Daniel, breathe ..it’s the quickest way to get there. It’s fine, they have the most star ratings possible and I checked them out completely before booking. You fly all the time.”_

 _“Noah, I fly in large airplanes with the comfort of knowing that, possibly, more care is given to safety when more lives are at stake.”_ Dan looks toward the helicopter, unable to hide his nervousness.

 _“Daniel, look at me,”_ Noah waits till he does. _“It’s all good. People do this every day.”_ He extends his hand, waiting for Dan to take it. Once they’re seated, Noah reaches his hand out to Dan again, and waits for him to take it, then he smiles, the pilot says _“Estimated time to Catalina Island 20 minutes,"_ and they’re in the air. Looking out over the ocean, Dan thinks in all the places he’s traveled, he’s never seen a more beautiful sight.

The car is waiting for them when they land and when it pulls up to a small house directly overlooking the beach, Dan looks over at Noah, a bit surprised since he assumed they were going to a hotel. _“This must be it,”_ Noah says sliding out of the car and Dan follows him. The house looks very unassuming from the street, Noah punches some numbers into the keypad on the door and everything changes.

They enter to see a wall of sliding glass doors on three sides, leading to a wrap around deck, bringing the ocean into the home from every viewpoint. Both a little stunned, Noah drops the duffle bags and they move to the doors taking in the view. Noah is the first to speak, _“Holy shit.”_

Dan looks at him, then back to the view before them, _“I’d say. I can’t believe we’re still in the U.S., it’s stunning. Noah, how did you find this place?”_

 _“The owner of the recording studio, I’d heard he spends a lot of time here so I asked if he could recommend somewhere private, he offered his house. I knew it was nice, but ...holy shit.”_ Noah says, still a bit shocked. 

_“Well, that explains the piano, which I thought was a bit extreme for a vacation home.”_ Dan leans in and kisses him softly, _“Thank you."_

They move through the house taking in the view from every room, smiling almost shyly at each other across the bed as they unpack their bags. Dan is impressed at the clothing Noah packed for him ...his favorite casual t-shirts, shorts, sandals, a nicer set of pants and shirt, and not one item missing from his travel skincare. The idea that Noah knows him well enough, and took the time, to pack what he knew would make him the most comfortable makes him a little weak in the stomach. 

_“So…,”_ Noah says after they’ve unpacked, glancing at the bed, _“Feel like relaxing on the deck and taking in the view for a while?”_ Noah wants the next few days here between them to be slow, to feel like they have the rest of their lives and nothing needs to be rushed.

Dan smiles at him and nods his head, _“Yes ...should we call out for something for dinner?”_

 _“The kitchen is stocked ...I will be your chef for the evening,”_ Noah winks and bows comically.

 _“Very impressive Noah Reid ...you really did think of everything,”_ Dan smiles, watching him for a minute, feeling his world tilt just a bit. His life with Noah feels like they were always moving toward each other, waiting for that first ‘hello’.

They watch the sun set, laughing and talking about nothing really important, they kiss softly and hold each other close. Later, Dan sits at the kitchen bar watching Noah cook for them, their eyes go wide when a shrimp flies from the pan as he shows Dan how adept he is at pan-flipping, it takes a minute for them to recover from laughing and Noah tosses it back into the pan.

After dinner they walk down to the beach and wander along the water, their fingers weaving together. Later, they make love long into the night, slowly and gently, whispering to each other, touching softly, both of them taking the other to places they only find together. 

Dan wakes the next morning to gentle noises from the kitchen, he lays in bed for a while, smiling as he remembers the night. He finally goes barefoot into the kitchen and finds Noah making pancakes, _“I hope I didn’t miss the pan-flipping,”_ he smiles.

Noah turns to see him and stops, Dan’s hair is tousled, eyes soft from sleep, dark stubble covering his face, ‘he’s beautiful’, thinks Noah. He walks to him, pulls him in, rubbing his lips against his jawline and kissing into his neck, _“Happy birthday, Daniel,”_ Noah says, kissing him lightly on the lips. Dan wraps his arms around him and they stay like that for a moment, breathing each other in.

 _“Now, pancakes and the day is yours to decide what we do,”_ Noah pulls back, smiling broadly at him, as he heads back to finish the pancakes. _“However, I do have dinner reservations for us tonight so the car is picking us up at 7:30.”_

 _“Noah, thank you,”_ Dan says with a serious tone now. _“For this ...for everything.”_

Noah looks at him, more seriously now, _“You’re welcome, Daniel.”_

They spend the day wandering through downtown, window shopping, laughing, their bodies close to the other. A few people recognize them but smile and walk on, as if the closeness between them is too private to interrupt. The car arrives at 7:30 and drops them off at an intimate restaurant with a small bar and lounge area. They sit on barstools, facing each other, enjoying drinks and relaxing before moving to their table, Noah leans in and kisses him, then tenses just a bit, _“Daniel, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking …”_

Dan smiles and pulls him back in, _“No more thinking, Noah."_

Back at the house, they change into t-shirts and shorts and relax on the deck, watching the lights from boats heading into the dock. _“This has been the perfect birthday, Noah. Thank you.”_ Dan whispers.

 _“Hmmm ....this isn’t exactly all of your present, Daniel,”_ Noah moves from the chair and holds his hand out to him, pulling him inside to the couch. Noah walks to the piano, Dan hasn’t wanted to ask him to play sensing he needs the break just as much, but he smiles when Noah’s hands move softly across the keys.. 

_“So, the conversation started about finding a place when I asked the best way to get a piano delivered for a few days. That’s when the owner offered me his house, because he already has a piano here,”_ Noah smiles up at Dan. 

Dan raises an eyebrow, definitely more curious now, _“A private concert by Noah Reid? This is so much more than ‘icing on the cake’.”_

Noah smiles, _“I wrote these for you, Daniel, only you. They won’t be on an album, I won’t sing them at a show, they are only for you, always.”_ Dan can feel his breathing slow. 

Noah begins to play, his voice is low and soft, the song is intimate, filled with longing. Dan feels tears in his eyes and wipes at his cheek trying not to let them fall. He’s stunned, there are three songs, moving in tone from longing, to passion, to love and Noah moves beautifully from one into the other. When he’s finished, he looks up from the piano, his eyes soft and a small smile on his lips, _“They are yours, Daniel. Happy birthday.”_

 _“Noah…,”_ Dan goes to him and kneels between his legs, sliding his arms around Noah’s waist, laying his head against his chest. Noah runs his hands through Dan’s hair and kisses him there. _“God, Noah, I love you. You are the best part of my life.”_

Later in bed, they wrap around each other, hands caressing gently knowing there is no rush, they have all night. _“Noah, the songs, I mean I can’t believe you don’t want to record them. They’re beautiful … are you sure?”_ Dan asks, rubbing his hand across Noah’s chest.

 _“I’m sure,”_ Noah says, kissing into the spot below Dan’s ear. 

_“Noah ...make love to me,”_ Dan whispers, pulling him in. Noah’s kiss is deep, his tongue moves slowly in and out of Dan’s mouth, his hands roam across his body, Dan feels the tears and knows he won’t be able to stop them. 

Noah pulls back, looking at him, _“Hey ...what is it? Are you ok ...we can lie here, Daniel, it’s ok."_

Dan is full on crying now, tears streaming down his cheeks onto Noah’s t-shirt. Noah sits up on the bed, facing him, _“Daniel, what is it? Tell me...,"_ concern in his voice now.

 _“God, Noah, it’s you, it’s all of this,”_ Dan waves his hand through the air. _“It’s feeling you love me so much everyday that I can’t believe it.”_ Dan wipes his face with the sheet. _“It’s never been like this. It’s just ...it’s just a lot, Noah.”_

Noah lets him calm down, wiping tears from his cheeks, smiling softly. He runs his hand through Dan’s hair, _“Daniel, I’m going to make love to you now and if you need to cry, you can do that. Whatever you need ...I’ll be here.”_ Noah kisses him softly, waiting for Dan to part his lips, he moves on top of him, leaning in to push his tongue in further, moving gently this time, giving Dan time to match his need. 

They move in unison through the night, touching softly, moaning in response to each other, making love, resting till one reaches again for the other. Their eyes are soft on each other as Noah moves gently inside Dan, watching the pleasure on his face, he moans as Noah strokes him up and down slowly. _“Daniel,”_ he says, his breathing is low, _“Being with you, like this, I can’t describe it,”_ Noah stops for a second, too close to coming. His breathing evens out and he begins to move in and out again, slowly, still looking at Dan, _“I move when you move, breathe when you breathe.”_ Noah moans and his rhythm begins to quicken, Dan moves his hand to Noah’s, tightening the strokes on his cock. _“I will always be yours, Daniel,”_ Noah moves into Dan more intensely, pulling him into his orgasm as he jerks into him over and over.

Soft morning light filters through the curtains as they lay curled around each other, Noah’s hand lays across Dan’s waist, their breathing is quiet. Dan pulls Noah’s arm up to his chest. _“Noah?”_ he says, unsure if he’s awake.

 _“Hmmm?”_ Noah whispers into his neck.

 _“I am yours too.”_ Dan says, kissing the inside of Noah’s wrist. Noah nuzzles further into Dan’s neck, holding him close. 

They spend the day at home, napping off and on, sharing drinks on the deck, watching the ocean. They’re both quiet, savoring what’s been shared between them the last few days. _“Noah, what time do we leave tomorrow?”_ Dan asks.

 _“Not until 3, I didn’t want us to feel rushed on our last day,”_ Noah rubs his thumb across Dan’s wrist. _“Is there anything you’d like to do tonight?’_

 _“Stay in ...make love. Will you play them for me again ...the songs?”_ Dan asks softly.

Noah smiles at him, quite happy to give Dan both of his requests. " _I will play them anytime you ask, Daniel.”_

  
  


**Let’s not fall in L.A.**

Noah moves across the terrace, rubs his hand downs Dan’s leg, and sits down on the side of his chair. _“Daniel, let’s go home for Thanksgiving,”_ he says, not really asking. 

Dan takes his sunglasses off so that he can really see Noah’s eyes, see what he’s trying to say. He’s been here nine months, Dan even longer. He sees it in Noah’s eyes and realizes he feels the same - homesick. He pulls Noah in and holds him, nuzzling into his neck, _“I think Thanksgiving at home is exactly what we need."_

Noah is a little surprised, expecting some pushback from Dan about work, or maybe even some hesitation about being with Noah’s family. _“So you’re ok with it? It’s only two weeks away.”_

_“I’m good with it ...I’m homesick too. Two weeks is plenty of time to move some things around,”_ Dan smiles pulling Noah down to lay with him. _“Fall in L.A. is too green.”_ Dan thinks this is what normal couples do, they spend time with each other’s families, and he loves Noah for making their lives so beautifully normal.

Their days in Toronto are divided between each other’s homes, becoming part of the other’s family. They know the differences in which they grew up and time with their families melts all of that away. They laugh around dinner tables, listening to childhood embarrassments and accomplishments that all families love to share about their children. Dan watches Noah ...the way he opens up to everyone and draws them in. He has no agenda, he’s not looking for anything from them. He is transparent in a way the Dan knows very few people in his life are. Noah comes to him with no hesitation, kisses him, or takes his hand and smiles at him and nothing before that moment in Dan’s life existed. Dan feels his world slow down, knowing nothing before this has mattered. 

They spend afternoons walking through the city, having dinner out with friends, uninhibited by the incessant media L.A. is known for, they relax and enjoy each other in a way they haven’t been able to before. They smile and reach for each other trusting, taking each other in, each one protecting the other. 

On their last night in Toronto, they stay at Dan’s parents’ home, enjoying drinks and conversation around the fireplace with his family. Looks are exchanged when Eugene asks Noah casually if they’re going to have the talk again and Noah’s face flushes pink. Then everyone bursts into laughter and Noah catches Dan’s eyes, smiling at him, hoping he knows how much this means to him, for them to be a part of each other’s family.

It’s late when everyone finally wanders off to bed and Dan takes his hand as they walk to the bedroom, Noah pulls him close and whispers, _“Thank you."_

Later in bed, Dan askes what the ‘thank you’ was for. _“For coming here so willingly and being open with our families and friends, for letting us be us,"_ Noah leans in and kisses him softly. He moves his hand under Dan’s shirt and pulls him close, letting him know he wants him.

Dan freezes, _“Uh, Noah ...we can’t."_

Noah raises up looking a bit confused, _“I’m sorry, Daniel ...I thought ...well, you felt like you wanted to.”_

 _“No, I do want to, believe me,”_ Dan whispers, _“but we can’t ...not in my parent’s home, it would be weird."_

Stifling a laugh, Noah looks at him, _“Are you serious? Weird?”_

Dan is not laughing when he replies, _“Yes, weird. I mean this is the room I grew up in. Too weird.”_

Noah stares at him, trying to determine if he’s actually serious, _“Daniel, did you never have anyone over in your bedroom? You’ve honestly never had sex in here?”_

 _“Oh my God, absolutely not,”_ Dan looks horrified at the thought, then he realizes they’d spent a couple of nights at Noah’s dad’s house, in Noah’s old room. _“Did you? In the room we slept in?”_ He says looking honestly shocked.

 _“Daniel, seriously, no one has sex in their car in a Toronto winter. Where did you think I’d have sex?”_ Noah says realizing Dan is quite serious, and he finds it incredibly sexy. He slides down, kissing Dan along his neck, just under his jawline, pulling their hips close.

 _“Noah, we can’t ... I can’t,”_ Dan breathes heavily.

Noah places his hand on Dan’s very firm cock and whispers, _“Oh, it really feels like you can. Relax, we can do this ..quietly."_ Noah slides his hand into Dan’s pajamas and wraps his hand firmly around his cock, pulling them close, covering Dan’s gasp with his mouth. Moving his mouth down Dan’s neck, he whispers again, _“Daniel, do you want to come in my mouth or my hand ?”_

 _“Oh fuck, Noah…”_ Dan moans as Noah begins to stroke him, _“I mean ..we really have to ...to be quiet.”_

" _Daniel ...wrap your hand around me, I’ll take care of the rest,”_ and he covers Dan’s mouth with his, taking in their moans and keeping them quiet as they stroke each other until they both come, thrusting into the other’s hand, their orgasms made more intense by the secrecy. 

In whispered voices they murmur _“love you”_ and bring each other close, rocking together until they’re calm. _“Jesus, Noah ...I feel like a teenager, trying not to get caught by my parents,”_ Dan whispers, reaching down, taking Noah’s balls in his hand, rubbing them gently to feel Noah jerk lightly against him.

Noah nuzzles into his neck, _“It’s very fucking sexy trying to not get caught by your parents,”_ he says, moving closer into Dan’s hand. _“Are you ok that we christened your room?”_

 _“Hmmm, more than ok. It almost makes me regret that I waited,”_ Dan moans.

Noah looks at him now, a bit more serious, _“I’m glad I’m the first,”_ then he whispers softly, _“...and that you were my first."_

 _“Me too,”_ Dan says, leaning in to kiss him gently, understanding what Noah means. Their ‘firsts’ will not be the expected ones, but they will make their own.

**December, full circle**

Sunday mornings are Noah’s favorite, they sleep in, whoever wakes first makes coffee and brings it back to bed with the pastries one of them bought the day before specifically for this morning. Once, Noah had woken in the middle of the night, hungry, and eaten one of the pastries. The next morning Dan looked at him, in disbelief, _“You ate one of our Sunday pastries??"_

That’s when rules were set:

Rule one, whoever wakes first makes the coffee and brings it back to bed.

Rule two, whoever wakes first does not wake the other.

Rule three, neither eats the pastries while the other is asleep. 

Noah sets the tray on the end of the bed and eases in quietly on his side, drinking his coffee slowly, watching Dan’s chest rise and fall softly as he sleeps. His dark, thick hair is mussed across his forehead and Noah aches to run his hand through it, but after the pastry incident they never break the Sunday rules, so he watches quietly, thinking about what he hopes the day might bring.

Dan moans and stretches out in the bed, _“Hmmm, coffee."_

 _“Good morning, handsome, do you let me wake first on purpose, Daniel?”_ Noah leans in and kisses him on the forehead. On Sundays they spend the morning in bed, talking about things from the week they haven’t had the chance to share, their creative ideas, ideas they’re sometimes too scared to share with others yet, and they laugh a lot. Eventually they dress and wander downstairs and spend the rest of the day at home, never drifting too far apart from each other.

Late in the afternoon Dan hears him at the piano playing softly, immediately recognizing his songs. He takes his paper into the living room and relaxes on the couch, listening. He's never played the songs before without him asking and Dan thinks Noah seems different today, in some way he can’t put his finger on exactly.

 _“Daniel, I was thinking about the year we spent apart,”_ he says, continuing to play. _“It made me realize what I want, the direction I want my life to go.”_

Dan looks up at him, _“Noah, you’ve been very reflective today, is everything ok? The year apart was hell and whatever direction you want your life to go I hope it’s towards me."_

Noah smiles, _“Definitely toward you,”_ and continues to play softly. Dan almost sighs out loud with relief, he watches Noah for a minute wondering if something is on his mind today. This morning in bed, he’d asked Dan if he remembered how nervous they both were standing in the kitchen his first night here. Then he blushed the slightest bit and said, _“And, later in the living room, God…”_ they had both smiled at the memory. Dan had felt an ache in his chest that after all they’d discovered together in bed, of all their intimate touches, the memory of that first night still made Noah blush.

 _“We’ve grown together this year, Daniel, we’re not the same scared people we were last December. We’re stronger together, I want that forever,”_ Noah says watching the keys as he plays. Then he stops and looks at Dan, _“I love you Daniel Levy."_ Dan watches him move from the piano to the book shelf and take down ‘the box’.

‘Seriously?’ Dan thinks. Neither of them have been in a really sexual mood today, it’s been more soft and sentimental, so he’s a little surprised to see Noah getting ‘the box’. And he’s embarrassed that just the thought of it makes him a little hard.

Noah walks over to him and sits on the coffee table, facing him, takes his hand and places a small black box in it, then looks directly at him. Dan’s heart and breath stop as Noah weaves his fingers through his, around the box.

 _“Daniel, you are the other half of my life and without you, there is no direction. I have never loved, with my soul, the way I love you. I feel now just as I did that night in December, you’re the breath I’m always waiting for, you are where I’m supposed to be. Daniel, will you marry me?”_ Noah’s voice shakes just the slightest. 

Dan looks at him, this man who has brought love, respect, trust and honesty into his life in ways he never knew could exist in a relationship. Feeling a tear slide down his cheek, Noah reaches out to wipe it away, he breathes in, and simply says, _“Yes."_

  
  


**One Year Later**

Dan takes Noah’s hand as they cross the tarmac to the small charter jet. _“Tell me again, Daniel, how exactly are we allowed to fly on someone’s jet? Two weeks ago we had airline tickets to Toronto,”_ Noah asks, not really sure how this happened in just the one week he was gone for a screen test.

 _“Sam, at the studio, is starting a shoot in Toronto in February and he’s sending out a few people to tie up some loose ends, I mentioned we were going, there’s room, and here we are,”_ Dan is visibly happy as he takes the steps up two at a time. Noah loves seeing him like this, completely giving in to the moment.

They buckle in and Dan takes Noah’s hand. _“Ready?”_ Dan asks softly.

Noah kisses the back of Dan’s hand, rubbing his lips across the band on his finger, _“Absolutely."_

 _“So, Noah, I have something to tell you, and it’s very important to me, I really don’t want you to be upset.”_ Dan holds his hand firmly.

 _“Okaayyy…”_ Noah feels his stomach tighten. 

Dan turns in his seat to face him, _“This week, I had the house put in both of our names, Noah, as it should be when two people get married. It’s really what I want.”_

Noah’s hand tightens, _“Daniel no, ...no, I don’t think you should do that, it just feels too…”_

Dan cuts him off, _“Too what, Noah? And, if you say ‘house-boy’ I will drag us off this plane. I want to share my life with you. I love you and I know that you love me. We’ve lived there together for over a year, Noah ...it’s not my home any longer ...it’s our home.”_ Dan kisses him lightly, whispering, _“Please, let me do this, it’s what I want.”_

 _“Daniel, I ...believe me, I understand why you want to do this, and I love you for it, but I’m just not sure it’s right,”_ Noah feels a bit of shock. 

_“Noah, do you trust that I love you?”_ Dan watches his beautiful eyes as he answers.

 _“Yes, of course, ...more than anything,”_ Noah says softly.

 _“Then it’s right. Besides, we started the film and recording studio together and I imagine starting the business together will be much harder than owning a house together.”_ Dan brings their hands up and holds them to his lips and winks at Noah.

 _“Daniel ....”_ Noah looks at him, this amazing, loving man who will be his husband by the end of the evening. Dan smiles broadly, leaning back in his seat, closing his eyes to relax. 

Noah thinks about the evening ahead, they will stand together with just their immediate families, each one vowing to give themselves to the other, forever. He watches Dan’s silhouette, he knows the wedding is just a formality, really. They gave themselves to each other forever, two years ago in the car that night in December.


End file.
